Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

by Kerry Patterson

“What’s going on?” “I’d really like to hear your opinion on this.” “Please let me know if you see it differently.” “Don’t worry about hurting my feelings. I really want to hear your thoughts.”

In summary, to help remember these skills, think of your ABCs. Agree when you agree. Build when others leave out key pieces. Compare when you differ. Don’t turn differences into debates that lead to unhealthy relationships and bad results.

Don’t allow people to assume that dialogue is decision making. Dialogue is a process for getting all relevant meaning into a shared pool.

There are four common ways of making decisions: command, consult, vote, and consensus.

Good words are worth much and cost little. —GEORGE HERBERT

You can’t unring the bell, but you can apologize. Then STATE Your Path.

can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me. —DAVE BARRY

One thing our research shows clearly is that you need not be perfect to make progress. You needn’t worry if you make only stuttering progress.