Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

by Kerry Patterson

• Option 2: Suffer in silence and make a bad decision that might ruin the company. The mistake most of us make in our crucial conversations is we believe that we have to choose between telling the truth and keeping a friend.

Asking questions about what we really want serves two important purposes. First, it reminds us of our goal. Second, it juices up our brain in a way that helps us keep focused.

“What do I want for myself, the other person, and the relationship?” As you practice presenting this question to yourself at emotional times, you’ll discover that at first you resist it. When our brain isn’t functioning well, we resist complexity. We adore the ease of simply choosing between attacking or hiding—

the longer it takes to notice you’re not in dialogue, the harder it is to get back