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March 12 - March 13, 2023
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. —GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
Crucial Conversation kr shel kän´ vr sa´ shen) n A discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong.
The real problem is that those who observe deviations or infractions say nothing.
Silence fails. When it comes to the corporate world, the most common complaint of executives and managers is that their people work in silos.
When teams aren’t cooperating, they restructure.
The key to real change lies not in implementing a new process, but in getting people to hold one another accountable to the process. And that requires Crucial Conversations skills.
Those who routinely failed their crucial conversations had far weaker immune systems than those who found a way to resolve them well.
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. —MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.
The mistake most of us make in our crucial conversations is we believe that we have to choose between telling the truth and keeping a friend.
“Do you like it?”—she really meant: “Do you like me?”
When people purposefully withhold meaning from one another, individually smart people can do collectively stupid things.
Meaning didn’t flow freely because people were afraid to speak up.
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. —AMBROSE BIERCE
WORK ON ME FIRST, US SECOND
When under attack, our heart can take a similarly sudden and unconscious turn. When faced with pressure and strong opinions, we often stop worrying about the goal of adding to the pool of meaning and start looking for ways to win, punish, or keep the peace.
Ask yourself: “What am I doing, and if I had to guess, what does it tell me about my underlying motive?”
The three most common forms of silence are masking, avoiding, and withdrawing.
Masking consists of understating or selectively showing our true opinions. Sarcasm, sugarcoating, and couching are some of the more popular forms.
Avoiding involves steering completely away from sensitive subjects. We talk, but without addressing the real issues.
Withdrawing means pulling out of a conversation altogether. We either exit the conversation or exit the room.
