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Why We Tell Clever Stories
Our need to tell clever stories often starts with our own sellouts.
we usually don’t begin telling stories that justify our actions until we have done something that we feel a need to justify.
صح جدا
لما الواحد يعمل حاجة ضميره يوجعه بسببها بيبدأ يقنع نفسه و مخه انه كان لازم يعمل كدة عشان كذا و كذا
We sell out when we consciously act against our own sense of what’s right.
When we don’t admit to our own mistakes, we obsess about others’ faults, our innocence, and our powerlessness to do anything other than what we’re already doing.
That’s because clever stories have one characteristic in common: They’re incomplete.
Am I pretending not to notice my role in the problem?
You become aware of how you’ve minimized your own mistakes while you’ve exaggerated the role of others.
SUMMARY—MASTER MY STORIES
Retrace Your Path
SHARE RISKY MEANING
The best at dialogue speak their minds completely and do it in a way that makes it safe for others to hear what they have to say and respond to it as well. They are both totally frank and completely respectful.
Actually, it can be done if you know how to carefully blend three ingredients—confidence, humility, and skill.
المكونات الثلاثة علشان تقول اللي في نفسك من لير خوف
People who are skilled at dialogue have the confidence to say what needs to be said to the person who needs to hear it.
They speak the unspeakable, and people are grateful for their honesty.
five tools can be easily remembered with the acronym STATE. It stands for: • Share your facts • Tell your story • Ask for others’ paths
Talk tentatively • Encourage testing
THE “WHAT” SKILLS Share Your Facts
Facts are the least controversial.
Facts are the most persuasive.
While we’re speaking here about being persuasive, let’s add that our goal is not to persuade others that we are right. We aren’t trying to “win” the dialogue.
Gathering the facts is the homework required for crucial conversations.
Earn the right to share your story by starting with your facts. Facts lay the groundwork for all delicate conversations.
Don’t pile it on. Sometimes we lack the confidence to speak up, so we let problems simmer for a long time. Given the chance, we generate a whole arsenal of unflattering conclusions.
and you just know in your heart of hearts that you’re right and they’re wrong—
The more you care about an issue, the less likely you are to be on your best behavior.
STATE
S: share the facts
T: tell my story
A: ask for others facrs and story
T: talk tentativly
E: encouage testing
اقول الحقائق اللي شايفاها
اقول قصتي اللي بتدور في دماغي او الاستنتاجات اللي وصلتلها بناء على الحقائق
اطلب من الطرف التاني يقول الحقائق و القصة بتاعته
اتكلم بطريقة توحي بأن كلامي مش آخر المطاف
اشجع الطرف الثاني يعبر عن رأيه حتى لو مخالف لرأيي
strong emotions take a while to subside.
Once the chemicals that fuel emotions are released, they hang around in
the bloodstream for a time—in some cases, long after thou...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
Every sentence has a history.
Understanding doesn’t equate with agreement.
Most arguments consist of battles over the 5 to 10 percent of the facts and stories that people disagree over.
There are four common ways of making decisions: command, consult, vote, and consensus.
“Everybody’s business is nobody’s business.”
“Are we playing games or are we in dialogue?” It’s a wonderful start.
“I think we’ve moved away from dialogue.”
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