The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living

by Dalai Lama XIV

how can we consistently and steadfastly maintain this set of underlying values and yet remain flexible? The Dalai Lama has seemed to achieve this by first reducing ...

1) I am a human being. 2) I want to be happy and I don’t want to suffer. 3) Other human beings, like myself, also want to...

Developing a flexible approach to living is not only instrumental in helping us cope with everyday problems – it also becomes the cornerstone for a key element of a happy life: balance.

‘A balanced and skillful approach to life, taking care to avoid extremes, becomes a very important factor in conducting one’s everyday existence. It is important in all aspects of life. For instance, in planting a sapling of a plant or a tree, at its very early stage you have to be very skillful and gentle. Too much moisture will destroy it, too much sunlight will destroy it. Too little will also destroy it. So what you

need is a very balanced environment where the sapling can have a healthy growth. Or, for a person’s physical health, too much or too little of any one thing can have destructive effects. For example, too much protein I think is bad, and too little is bad.

Oh, I can’t do anything, I’m worthless.” So under such circumstances, it’s important to be able to uplift your mind by reflecting on your achievements, the progress that you have made so far, and your other positive qualities so that you can uplift your mind, and get out of that discouraged or demoralized state of mind. So what is required here is a kind of very balanced and skillful approach.

But the very basis of seeking more is a feeling of not having enough, a feeling of discontentment. That feeling of discontentment, of wanting more and more and more, doesn’t arise from the inherent desirability of the objects we are seeking but rather from our own mental state.

feeling of discontentment,

narrow-mindedness

Man is ready and willing to shoulder any suffering as soon and as long as he can see a meaning in it.’

And the time and effort we spend searching for meaning in suffering will pay great rewards when bad things begin to strike. But in order to reap those rewards, we must begin our search for meaning when things are going well. A tree with strong roots can withstand the most violent storm, but the tree can’t grow roots just as the storm appears on the horizon.

In the Buddhist and Hindu model, for example, suffering is a result of our own negative past actions and is seen as a catalyst for seeking spiritual liberation.

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.’

‘In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed – but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they have brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock.’

The vulnerability we experience in the midst of our suffering can open us and deepen our connection with others.

Pain begins with a sensory signal – an alarm that goes off when nerve endings are stimulated by something that is sensed as dangerous. Millions of signals are sent through the spinal cord to the base of the brain. These signals are then sorted out and a message is sent to higher areas of the brain telling of pain. The brain then sorts through the prescreened messages and decides on a response. It is at this stage that the mind can assign value and meaning to the pain and intensify or modify our perception of pain; we convert pain into suffering in the mind. To lessen the suffering of pain, we need to make a crucial distinction between the pain of pain and the pain we create by our thoughts about the pain. Fear, anger, guilt, loneliness, and helplessness are all mental and emotional responses that can intensify pain. So, in developing an approach to dealing with pain, we can of course work at the lower levels of pain perception, using the tools of modern medicine such as medications and other procedures, but we can also work at the higher levels by modifying our outlook and attitude.

It is our suffering that is the most basic element that we share with others, the factor that unifies us with all living creatures.

Tong-len

the purpose of this visualization meditation is to strengthen one’s compassion.

This is achieved because Tong-Len meditation helps counteract our selfishness. It increases the power and strength of our mind by enhancing our courage to open ourselves to others’ suffering.

We’ve discussed the possibility of achieving happiness by working toward eliminating our negative behaviors and states of mind.

learning is only the first step.

conviction, determination, action, and effort. So, the next step is developing conviction.

Learning and education are important because they help one develop conviction of the need to change, and help increase one’s commitment. This conviction ...

Next, one transforms determination into action – the strong determination to change enables one to make a sustained effor...

This final factor of effort i...

You have to increase that awareness until it leads to a firm conviction about the harmful effects of smoking. This strengthens your determination to change. Finally, you must exert the effort to establish new habit patterns. This is the way that inner change and transformation takes place in all things, no matter what you are trying to accomplish.

You need to generate great enthusiasm. And, here, a sense of urgency is a key factor

So to my mind, this shows that in order to accomplish important goals, we need an appreciation of the sense of urgency, like in this case; the crisis was so urgent, that people instinctively joined forces and responded to the crisis. Unfortunately,’ he said sadly, ‘often we don’t have that sense of urgency.’

For a Buddhist practitioner, there are various techniques used to generate enthusiasm,’ the Dalai Lama answered. ‘In order to generate a sense of confidence and enthusiasm, we find in the Buddha’s text a discussion of the preciousness of human existence. We talk about how much potential lies within our body, how meaningful it can be, the good purposes it can be used for, the benefits and advantages of having a human form, and so on. And these discussions are there to instill a sense of confidence and courage and to induce a sense of commitment to use our human body in a positive way.

sense of urgency

impermanence,

In other words, we are reminded that one day, we may no longer be here. That sort of understanding. That awareness of impermanence is encouraged, so that when it is coupled with our appreciation of the enormous potential of our human existence, it will give us a sense of urgency that I must use every precious moment.’

That contemplation of our impermanence and death seems to be a powerful technique,’ I remarked, ‘to help motivate one, develop a sense of urgency to effect positive changes. Couldn’t that be used as a technique for non-Buddhists as well?’

So, if one tries to get sufficient sleep, eat a healthy diet, abstain from alcohol, and so on, these kinds of things will help make one’s mind more alert. And in some cases one may even need to resort to medication or other physical remedies if the cause is due to illness. But then there’s another kind of apathy or laziness – the kind that arises purely out of a certain weakness of mind . . .’

I think the most effective method, and perhaps the only solution, is to be constantly aware of the destructive effects of the negative behavior. One may need to repeatedly remind oneself of those destructive effects.’

People often want to make positive changes in their lives, engage in healthier behaviors, and so on. But sometimes there just seems to be a sort of inertia or resistance . . . How would you explain how that occurs?’

‘So, you see, deep down, mental development takes time. If someone says, “Oh, through many years of hardship things have changed,” I can take that seriously. There’s a greater likelihood of the change being genuine and longlasting. If someone says, “Oh, within a short period, say two years, there has been a big change,” I think that is unrealistic.’

As long as space endures As long as sentient beings remain May I too live To dispel the miseries of the world.

Given his extensive background and training in Buddhist philosophy and meditation, it is interesting that the Dalai Lama identifies learning and education as the first step in bringing about internal transformation, rather than more transcendental or mystical spiritual practices.

determination and enthusiasm.’

drive and determination, not great natural talent, led to their success in their respective fields.

In the Dalai Lama’s system, however, the drive and determination generated are not used only in the pursuit of worldly success but develop as one gains a clearer understanding of the factors that lead to true happiness, and are used in the pursuit of higher goals, such as kindness, compassion, and spiritual development.

While science has recently revealed that one’s genetic predisposition clearly plays a role in an individual’s characteristic way of responding to the world, most social scientists and psychologists feel that a large measure of the way we behave, think, and feel is determined by learning and conditioning, which comes about as a result of our upbringing and the social and cultural forces around us. And since it is believed that behaviors are largely established by conditioning, and reinforced and amplified by ‘habituation,’ this opens up the possibility, as the Dalai Lama contends, of extinguishing harmful or negative conditioning and replacing it with helpful, life-enhancing conditioning.

Experiments have shown that not only do our attitudes and psychological traits determine our behavior, an idea that is commonly accepted, but our behavior can also change our attitudes. Investigators found that even an artificially induced frown or smile tend to induce the corresponding emotions of anger or happiness; this suggests that just ‘going through the motions’ and repeatedly engaging in a positive behavior can eventually bring about genuine internal change. This could have important implications in the Dalai Lama’s approach to building a happier life. If we begin with the simple act of regularly helping others, for instance, even if we don’t feel particularly kind or caring, we may discover an inner transformation taking place, as we very gradually develop genuine feelings of compassion.

In bringing about genuine inner transformation and change, the Dalai Lama emphasizes the importance of making a sustained effort. It is a gradual process. This is in sharp contrast to the proliferation of ‘quick fix’ self-help techniques and therapies that have became so popular in Western culture in recent decades – techniques ranging from ‘positive affirmations’ to ‘discovering your inner child.’

The Dalai Lama’s approach points toward slow growth and maturity. He believes in the tremendous, perhaps even unlimited, power of the mind – but a mind that has been systematically trained, focused, concentrated, a mind tempered by years of experience and sound reasoning. It takes a long time to develop the behavior and habits of mind that contribute to our problems. It takes an equally long time to establish the new habits that bring happiness.

essential ingredients: determination, effort, and time. These are the rea...

As a Buddhist, for instance, you set your ideals very high: full Enlightenment is your ultimate expectation. Holding full Enlightenment as your ideal of achievement is not an extreme. But expecting to achieve it quickly, here and now, becomes an extreme.

“I’m just going to focus on the here and now; that’s the practical thing, and I don’t care about the future or the ultimate attainment of Buddhahood,” then again, that is another extreme. So we need to find an approach that is somewhere in between. We need to find a balance.