The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living

by Dalai Lama XIV

The therapeutic expression of anger as a means of catharsis seems to have originated from Freud’s theories of emotion which he saw as operating on a hydraulic model: when pressure builds, it must be released. The idea of getting rid of our anger by giving vent to it has some dramatic appeal, and in a way might even sound like fun, but the problem is that this method simply does not work. Many studies over the past four decades have consistently shown that the verbal and physical expression of our anger does nothing to dispel it and just makes things worse.

Dr. Aaron Siegman, a psychologist and anger researcher at the University of Maryland, believes, for instance, that it is just this kind of repeated expression of anger and rage that triggers the internal arousal systems

and biochemical responses that are most likely to cause dama...

While giving vent to our anger clearly isn’t the answer, neither is ignoring our anger or pretending it isn’t there. As we discussed in Part III, avoidance ...

the first step is preventative: cultivating an inner contentment and calmer states of mind, as recommended by the Dalai Lama, can definitely help.

And when anger does occur, research has shown that actively challenging, logically analyzing, and reappraising the thoughts that trigger the anger can help dissipate it. There is also experimental evidence suggesting that the techniques that we discussed earlier, such as shifting perspective or looking at different angles of a situation, can also be very effective.

Dalai Lama spoke in some detail on the meaning and value of patience and tolerance.

‘In our day-to-day life experiences, tolerance and patience have great benefits. For instance, developing them will allow us to sustain and maintain our presence of mind. So if an individual possesses this capacity of tolerance and patience, then, even in spite of living in a very tense environment, which is very frantic and stressful, so long as the person has tolerance and patience, the person’s calmness and peace of mind will not be disturbed.

‘Another benefit of responding to difficult situations with patience rather than giving in to anger is that you protect yourself from potential undesirable consequences that might come about if you reacted with anger. If you respond to situations with anger and...

has already been done to you – the injury and harm has already taken place – but on top of that, you create an additional cause for your own suffering in the future. However, if you respond to an injury with patience and tolerance, then although you may face temporary discomfort and hurt, you will still avoid the potentially dangerous long-term consequences. By sacrificing small things, by putting up with small problems or...

‘patience and tolerance are certainly considered virtues, but when you are directly beset by others, when someone is actively harming you, responding with “patience and tolerance” seems to have a flavor of weakness, of passivity.’

the Dalai Lama said, ‘Since patience or tolerance comes from an ability to remain firm and steadfast and not be overwhelmed by the adverse situations or conditions that one faces, one should not see tolerance or patience as a sign of weakness, or giving in, but rather as a sign of strength, coming from a deep ability to remain firm. Responding to a trying situation with patience and tolerance rather than reacting with anger and hatred involves active restraint, which comes from a strong, self-disciplined mind.

But in situations that are difficult and challenging, patience helps maintain your willpower and can sustain you.’

‘I think that there is a very close connection between humility and patience.

Humility involves having the capacity to take a more confrontation stance, having the capacity to retaliate if you wish, yet deliberately deciding not to do so. That is what I would call genuine humility. I think that true tolerance or patience has a component or element of self-discipline and restraint – the realization that you could have acted otherwise, you could have adopted a more aggressive approach, but decided not to do so.

‘Rather, if necessary, the best, the wisest course, might be to simply run away – run miles away!’

‘You can’t always avoid being harmed by running away . . .’

For example, so far as our own dealings with China are concerned, even if there is a likelihood of some feeling of hatred arising, we deliberately check ourselves and try to reduce that, we try to consciously develop a feeling of compassion towards the Chinese.

I think that countermeasures can ultimately be more effective without feelings of anger and hatred.

‘Now, we’ve explored methods of developing patience and tolerance and letting go of anger and hatred, methods such as using reasoning to analyze the situation, adopting a wider perspective and looking at other angles of a situation. An end result, or a product of patience and tolerance is forgiven...

‘I think the Buddha remembered

everything. But with the development of patience and tolerance, it’s possible to let go of the negative feelings associated with the events.’

Excessive anxiety and worry can, like anger and hatred, have devastating effects on the mind and body, becoming the source of much emotional suffering and even physical illness.

Working on improving our physical health through proper diet and exercise can also be helpful.

And, as the Dalai Lama has emphasized, cultivating compassion and deepening our connection with others can promote good mental hygiene and help combat anxiety states.

In searching for practical strategies to overcome anxiety, however, there is one technique that stands out as particularly effective: cognitive intervention. This is one of the main methods used by the Dalai Lama to overcome daily worries and anxiety. Applying the same procedure used with anger and hatred, this technique involves actively challenging the anxi...

‘You know, fear and anxiety can be a major obstacle to achieving our goals, whether they are external goals or inner growth. In psychiatry we have various methods of dealing with these things, but I’m curious; from your standpoint, what’s the best way to overcome fear and anxiety?’

‘In dealing with fear, I think that we first need to recognize that there are many different types of fear. Some kinds of fear are very genuine, based on valid reasons. Fear of violence or fear of bloodshed, for example. We can see that these things are very bad. Then there’s fear about the long term negative consequences of our negative actions, fear of suffering, fear of negative emotions such as hatred. I think these are the right kinds of fears; having these kinds of fears brings us onto the right path, brings us closer to becoming a warmhearted person.’ He stopped to reflect, then mused, ‘Although in a sense these

are kinds of fears, I think perhaps that there may be some difference between fearing these things and the mind’s seeing the destructive nature of these things . . .’

‘On the other hand, some kinds of fears are our own mental creations. These fears may be based mainly on mental projection. For example, there are very childish fears,’ he laughed, ‘like when we were young and passed through a dark place, especially some of the dark rooms in the Potala, and became afraid – that was based completely on mental projection. Or, when I was young, the sweepers and people looking after me always warned me that there was an owl that caught young children and consumed them!’ The Dalai Lama laughed even harder. ‘And I really believed them!

‘There are other types of fear based on mental projection,’ he continued. ‘For example, if you have negative feelings, because of your

own mental situation, you may project those feelings onto another, who then appears as someone negative and hostile. And as a result, you feel fear. That kind of fear I think is related to hatred and comes about as a sort of mental creation. So, in dealing with fear, you need to first use your faculty of re...

If the situation or problem is such that it can be remedied, then there is no need to worry about it.

The appropriate action is to seek it’s solution. It is more sensible to spend the energy focusing on the solution rather than worrying about the problem.

Alternatively, if there is no way out, no solution,

no possibility of resolution, then there is also no point in being worried about it, because you can’t do anything about it anyway. In that case, the sooner you accept this fact, the easier it will be on you. This formula, of course, implies directly confronting the problem. Otherwise you wo...

fear of appearing foolish in front of others, or fear that others might think badly of you . . .’

said, ‘Now, for instance, in 1954 in China, on the first day of meeting with Chairman Mao Zedong, and also on another occasion in meeting with Chou En-lai. In those days I wasn’t fully aware of the proper protocol and convention. The usual procedure for a meeting was to start the meeting with some casual talk and then proceed to the discussion of business. But on that occasion I was so nervous that the moment I sat down, I just jumped right

into business!’ The Dalai Lama laughed at the memory. ‘I remember that afterwards my translator, a Tibetan communist who was very reliable and my great, great friend, looked at me and started laughing and teasing me about it.

‘I think having proper motivation and honesty are the keys to overcoming those kinds of fear and anxiety.

So, I’ve found that sincere motivation acts as an antidote to reduce fear and anxiety.’

a fear of failure,

a feeling of being incompetent . . .’ I reflected for a moment, considering how much personal information to reveal.

To have a sincere motivation to help. Then you just do the best you can, and you don’t have to worry about it.

Then, you see, if I failed, it was because the situation was beyond my best efforts. So that sincere motivation removes fear and gives you self-confidence. On the other hand, if your underlying motivation is to cheat someone, then if you fail, you really become nervous. But if you cultivate a compassionate motivation, if you fail then there’s no regret.

Even if you fail to achieve your goal, you can feel good about having made the effort. But with a bad motivation, people can praise you or you can achieve goals, but you still will not be happy.’

In discussing the antidotes to anxiety, the Dalai Lama offers two remedies, each working on a different level. The first involves actively combating chronic rumination and worry by applying a counteractive thought: reminding oneself, If there is a solution to the problem, there is no need to worry. If there is no solution, there is no sense in worrying either.

The second antidote is a more broad-spectrum remedy. It involves the transformation of one’s underlying motivation. There is

an interesting contrast between the Dalai Lama’s approach to human motivation and that of Western science and psychology. As we previously discussed; researchers who have studied human motivation have investigated normal human motives, looking at both instinctual and learned needs and drives. At this level, the Dalai Lama has focused on developing and using ‘learned drives’ to enhance one’s ‘enthusiasm and determination.’ In some respects, this is similar to the view of many conventional Western ‘motivation experts,’ who also seek to boost one’s enthusiasm and determination to accomplish goals. But the difference is that the Dalai Lama seeks to build determination and enthusiasm to engage in more wholesome behaviors and eliminate negative mental traits, rather than emphasizing the achievement of worldly success, money, or power. And perhaps the most striking difference is that while the ‘motivation...

in reshaping and changing one’s underlying motivation to one of com...