The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living

by Dalai Lama XIV

Truth of Suffering.

According to Buddhist thought, the root causes of suffering are ignorance, craving, and hatred. These are called the “three poisons of the mind.”

Of course, the wish to be free of suffering is the legitimate goal of every human being. It is the corollary of our wish to be happy. Thus it is entirely appropriate that we seek out the causes of our unhappiness and do whatever we can to alleviate our problems, searching for solutions on all levels – global, societal, family, and individual. But as long as we view suffering as an unnatural state, an abnormal condition that we fear, avoid and reject, we will never uproot the causes of suffering and begin to live a happier life.

* Samsara (Skt.) is a state of existence characterized by endless cycles of life, death, and rebirth. This term also refers to our ordinary state of day-to-day existence, which is characterized by suffering. All beings remain in this state, propelled by karmic imprints from past actions and negative ‘delusory’ states of mind, until one removes all negative tendencies of mind and achieves a state of Liberation.

While some kinds of suffering are inevitable, other kinds are self-created.

‘So I think that to a large extent, whether you suffer depends on how you respond to a given situation.

At the end of the meal, the waiter presented us with two free desserts, explaining, ‘I apologize for the slow service this evening,’ he said sincerely, ‘but we’re a little understaffed. One of the cooks had a death in the family and is off tonight, and one of the servers called in sick at the last minute. I hope it didn’t inconvenience you . . .’

‘Unhappiness, I saw then, comes to each of us because we think ourselves at the center of the world, because we have the miserable conviction that we alone suffer to the point of unbearable intensity. Unhappiness is always to feel oneself imprisoned in one’s own skin, in one’s own brain.’

‘How can we deal with the feeling of unfairness that so often seems to torture us when problems arise?’

importance of accepting suffering as a natural fact of human existence.

Karma means ‘action.’

Karma is a very active process.

So what type of future will come about, to a large extent, lies within our own hands in the present. It will be determined by the kind of initiatives that we take now.

For instance, even a simple act or a simple purpose, like fulfilling our needs for food . . . In order to achieve that simple goal, we need an action on the part of ourselves. We need to look for food, and then we need to eat it; this shows that even for the simplest act, even a simple goal is achieved through action . . .’

‘Well, reducing the feeling of unfairness by accepting that it is a result of one’s Karma may be effective for Buddhists,’ I interjected. ‘But what about those who don’t believe in the doctrine of Karma? Many in the West for instance . . .’

In general, if we carefully examine any given situation in a very unbiased and honest way, we will realize that to a large extent we are also responsible for the unfolding of events.

‘often our normal tendency is to try to blame our problems on others, on external factors. Furthermore, we tend to look for one single cause, and then try to exonerate ourselves from the responsibility. It seems that whenever there are intense emotions involved, there tends to be a disparity between how things appear and how they really are. In this case if you go further and analyze the situation very carefully, you’ll see that Saddam Hussein is part of the source of the problem, one of the factors, but there are other contributing conditions as well. Once you realize this, your earlier attitude that he is the only cause automatically falls away and the reality of the situation emerges.

honest attempt to search for our own contribution to a problem allows a certain shift of focus that helps to break through the narrow patterns of thinking that lead to the destructive feeling of ‘unfairness’ which is the source of so much discontent in ourselves and in the world.

As products of an imperfect world, all of us are imperfect. Every one of us has done some wrong. There are things we regret – things we have done, things we should have done, or things we didn’t do. Acknowledging our wrongdoings with a genuine sense of remorse can serve to keep us on the right track in life, and encourage us to rectify our mistakes when possible and take action to correct things in the future. But if we allow our regret to degenerate into excessive guilt, holding onto the memory of our past transgressions with continued self-blame and self-hatred, this serves no purpose other than to be a relentless source of self-punishment and self-induced suffering.

‘It’s extremely important to investigate the causes or origins of suffering, how it arises. One must begin that process by appreciating the impermanent, transient nature of our existence. All things, events, and phenomena are dynamic, changing every moment, nothing remains static.

Meditating on one’s blood circulation could serve to reinforce this idea: the blood is constantly flowing, moving, it never stands still. This momentarily changing nature of phenomena is like a built-in mechanism. And since it is the nature of all phenomena to change every moment, this indicates to us that all things lack the ability to endure, lack the ability to remain the same. And since all things are subject to change, nothing exists in a permanent condition, nothing is able to remain the same under its own independent power. Thus, all things are under the power or influence of other factors. So, at any given moment no matter how pleasant or pleasurable your experience may be, it will not last. This becomes the basis of a category of suffering known in Buddhism as the “suffering of change.” ’

The concept of impermanence plays a central role in Buddhist thought, and the contemplation of impermanence is a key practice.

the Buddhist practitioner contemplates his or her own impermanence – the fact that life is tenuous and we never know when we’ll die. When this reflection is combined with a belief in the rarity of human existence and the possibility of attaining a state of spiritual Liberation, of release from suffering and endless rounds of rebirth, then this contemplation serves to

increase the practitioner’s resolve to use her or his time to best advantage, by engaging in the spiritual practices that will bring about this Liberation. On a deeper level, the contemplation of the more subtle aspects of impermanence, the impermanent nature of all phenomena, begins the practitioner’s quest to understand the true nature of reality and, through this understanding, dispel the ignorance that is the ultimate source of our suffering.

If we view the concept of ‘impermanence’ from the standpoint of ‘change,’ then the answer is a definite ‘Yes.’ After all, whether one looks at life from a Buddhist perspective or a Western perspective, the fact remains that life is change. And to the degree that we refuse to accept this fact and resist the natural life changes, we will continue to perpetuate our own suffering.

The acceptance of change can be an important factor in reducing a large measure of our self-created suffering.

While the acceptance of the inevitability of change, as a general principle, can help us cope with many problems, taking a more active role by specifically learning about normal life changes can prevent an even greater amount of the day-to-day anxiety that is the cause of many of our troubles.

We may discover that it is at the very time when we may feel most disappointed, as if something has gone out of the relationship, that a profound transformation can occur. These transitional periods can become pivotal points when true love can begin to mature and flower. Our relationship may no longer be based on intense passion, the view of the other as the embodiment of perfection, or the feeling that we are merged with the other. But in exchange for that, we are now in a position to truly begin to know the other. To see the other as a separate individual, with faults and weaknesses perhaps, but a human being like ourselves. It is only at this point that we can make a genuine commitment, a commitment to the growth of another human being – an act of true love.

The ability to shift perspective can be one of the most powerful and effective tools we have to help us cope with life’s daily problems.

‘It seems that often when problems arise, our outlook becomes narrow. All of our attention may be focused on worrying about the problem, and we may have a sense that we’re the only one that is going through such difficulties. This can lead to a kind of self-absorption that can make the problem seem very intense. When this happens, I think that seeing things from a wider perspective can definitely help – realizing, for instance, that there are many other people who have gone through similar experiences, and even worse experiences. This practice of shifting perspective can even be helpful in certain illnesses or pain.

So, even though when you are angry at someone you might feel that the person has no positive qualities, the reality is that nobody is 100 per cent bad.

So, the tendency to see someone as completely negative is due to your own perception based on your own mental projection, rather than the true nature of that individual.

changes. Generally speaking, once you’re already in a difficult situation, it isn’t possible to change your attitude simply by adopting a particular thought once or twice. Rather it’s through a process of learning, training, and getting used to new viewpoints that enables you to deal with the difficulty.’

how to completely transform one’s attitude toward one’s enemies and learn to cherish them.

‘In Buddhism in general, a lot of attention is paid to our attitudes towards our rivals or enemies. This is because hatred can be the greatest stumbling block to the development of compassion and happiness. If you can learn to develop patience and tolerance towards your enemies, then everything else becomes much easier – your compassion towards all others begins to flow naturally.

compassion is the essence of a spiritual life.

‘In fact, the enemy is the necessary condition for practicing patience.

So, from this standpoint we can consider our enemy as a great teacher, and revere them for giving us this precious opportunity to practice patience.

‘Now there are many, many people in the world, but relatively few with whom we interact, and even fewer who cause us problems. So, when you come across such a chance for practicing patience and tolerance, you should treat it with gratitude. It is rare. Just as having unexpectedly found a treasure in your own house, you should be happy and grateful towards your enemy for providing that precious opportunity.

So, therefore, it is exactly this willful intention to harm us that makes the enemy unique, and gives us this precious opportunity to practice patience.’

It’s the very struggle of life that makes us who we are. And it is our enemies that test us, provide us with the resistance necessary for growth.

Whenever I associate with someone, may I think myself the lowest among all and hold the other supreme in the depth of my heart! . . . When I see beings of wicked nature, pressed by violent sin and affliction, may I hold these rare ones dear as if I had found a precious treasure! . . . When others, out of envy, treat me badly with abuse, slander and the like, may I suffer the defeat and offer the victory to others! . . .

When the one, whom I have benefited with great hope, hurts me very badly, may I behold him as my supreme Guru! In short may I, directly and indirectly, offer benefit and happiness to all beings; may I secretly take upon myself the harm and suffering of all beings! . . .

The ability to shift perspective, the capacity to view one’s problems ‘from different angles,’ is nurtured by a supple quality of mind. The ultimate benefit of a supple mind is that it allows us to embrace all of life – to be fully alive and human.

The end result is a simultaneous awareness of the big picture as well as our individual circumstances. This dual outlook, a concurrent view of the ‘Big World’ and our own ‘Little World,’ can act as a kind of triage, helping us separate what is important in life from what isn’t.

I spoke about the need to reduce anger and hatred through the cultivation of patience and tolerance.

A supple mind can help us reconcile the external changes going on all around us. It can also help us integrate all of our internal conflicts, inconsistencies and ambivalence. Without cultivating a pliant mind, our outlook becomes brittle and our relationship to the world becomes characterized by fear. But by adopting a flexible, malleable, approach to life, we can maintain our composure even in the most restless and turbulent conditions. It is through our efforts to achieve a flexible mind that we can nurture the resiliency of the human spirit.

A belief in the value of compassion. A policy of kindness. A sense of his commonality with all living creatures.

A value system that can provide continuity and coherence to our lives, by which we can measure our experiences. A value system that can help us decide which goals are truly worthwhile and which pursuits are

meaningless.