The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living

by Dalai Lama XIV

‘I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness.

The purpose of our existence is to seek happiness.

there is a reference to the four factors of fulfillment, or happiness: wealth, worldly satisfaction, spirituality, and enlightenment.

For example, good health is considered to be one of the necessary factors for a happy life.

your state of mind is key.

‘All of this indicates the tremendous influence that the mental state, the mind factor, has on our experience of daily life. Naturally, then, we have to take that factor very seriously. ‘So, leaving aside the perspective of spiritual practice, even in worldly terms, in terms of our enjoying a happy day-to-day existence, the greater the level of calmness of our mind, the greater our peace of mind, the greater our ability to enjoy a happy and joyful life.’

Peace of mind or a calm state of mind is rooted in affection and compassion. There is a very high level of sensitivity and feeling there.’

The second, and more reliable, method is not to have what we want but rather to want and appreciate what we have.

We’ve seen how working on our mental outlook is a more effective means of achieving happiness than seeking it through external sources such as wealth, position, or even

the simple reminder that what we are seeking in life is happiness.

‘Will it bring me happiness?’

But once these basic needs are met, the message is clear: we don’t need more money, we don’t need greater success or fame, we don’t need the perfect body or even the perfect mate – right now, at this very moment, we have a mind, which is all the basic equipment we need to achieve complete happiness.

Dalai Lama’s approach to achieving happiness. It was absolutely practical and rational: identify and cultivate positive mental states; identify and eliminate negative mental states. Although his suggestion to begin by systematically analyzing the variety of mental states that we experience initially struck me as being a bit dry, I gradually became carried away by the force of his logic and reasoning. And I liked the fact that rather than classifying mental states, emotions, or desires on the basis of some externally imposed moral judgment such as ‘Greed is a sin’ or ‘Hatred is evil,’ he categorizes emotions as positive or negative simply on the basis of whether they lead to our ultimate happiness.

‘Achieving genuine happiness may require bringing about a transformation in your outlook, your way of thinking, and this is not a simple matter,’ he said. ‘It requires the application of so many different factors from different directions.

Every day as soon as you get up, you can develop a sincere positive motivation, thinking, “I will utilize this day in a more positive way. I should not waste this very day.” And then, at night before bed, check what you’ve done, asking yourself, “Did I utilize this day as I planned?” If it went accordingly, then you should rejoice. If it went wrong, then regret what you did and critique the day. So, through methods such as this, you can gradually strengthen the positive aspects of the mind.

the purpose of our life is happiness.

When faced with a feeling of stagnation and confusion, it may be helpful to take an hour, an afternoon, or even several days to simply reflect on what it is that will truly bring us happiness, and then reset our priorities on the basis of that. This can put our life back in proper context, allow a fresh perspective, and enable us to see which direction to take.

I spoke about the factors necessary to enjoy a happy and joyful life. Factors such as good health, material goods, friends, and so on.

So, despite the fact that the process of relating to others might involve hardships, quarrels, and cursing, we have to try to maintain an attitude of friendship and warmth in order to lead a way of life

in which there is enough interaction with other people to enjoy a happy life.’

For instance, the Japanese seem to rely more on friendships to gain intimacy, whereas Americans seek it more

‘Whenever I meet

people I always approach them from the standpoint of the most basic things we have in common. We each have a physical structure, a mind, emotions. We are all born in the same way, and we all die. All of us want happiness and do not want to suffer. Looking at others from this standpoint rather than emphasizing secondary differences such as the fact that I am Tibetan, or a different color, religion, or cultural background, allows me to have a feeling that I’m meeting someone just the same as me. I find that relating to others on that level makes it much easier to exchange and communicate with one another.’

‘That’s kind of like Mark Twain’s quote that, “No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century”.’

I think that if one is seeking to build a truly satisfying relationship, the best way of bringing this about is to get to know the deeper nature of the person and relate to her or him on that level, instead of merely on the basis of superficial characteristics. And in this type of relationship there is a role for genuine compassion.

‘When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving oneself, and one always ends up by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.’

human affection, warmth, friendship, and so on, are conditions absolutely necessary for happiness.

I truly believe that compassion provides the basis of human survival, the real value of human life, and without that there is a basic piece missing. A deep sensitivity to other’s feelings is an element of love and compassion, and without that, for example, I think there would be problems in the man’s ability to relate with his wife. If the person really had that attitude of indifference to other’s suffering and feelings, then even if he was a billionaire, had a good education, had no problems

with his family or children, and was surrounded with friends, other rich business people, politicians, and leaders of nations, I think that in spite of all these things that the effect of all these positive things would just remain on the surface.

but a compassionate attitude is something that we can always carry with us.’

They wish to have good health, live their life, have peace of mind, happiness, and joy. And if these are things that they desire, I’ve heard that there is even scientific evidence that these things can be enhanced by feelings of love and compassion . . . But as a doctor, a psychiatrist, perhaps you would know better about these scientific claims?’

There are many examples indicating that at some level deep down, ruthless people generally suffer from a kind of unhappiness and discontent, people like Stalin and Hitler. Such people suffer from a kind of nagging sense of insecurity and fear. Even when they are sleeping I think that sense of fear remains . . . All that might be very difficult for some people to understand, but one thing you could say is that these people lack something that you can find in a more compassionate person – a sense of freedom, a sense of abandonment, so when you sleep you can relax and let go. Ruthless people never have that experience. Something is always gripping them; there is some kind of hold on them, and they aren’t able to experience that feeling of letting go, that sense of freedom.’

Tong-Len,

best efforts to be kinder, to cultivate compassion and make the world a better place, then at the end of the day they can say, “At least I’ve done my best!” ’

adopting an altruistic lifestyle is a critical component of good mental health.

Joseph, a sixty-year-old building contractor whom I first met some years ago, serves as a good illustration of this. For thirty years Joseph rode the gravy train, capitalizing on a seemingly limitless construction boom in Arizona to become a multimillionaire. In the late 1980s, however, came the biggest real estate crash in Arizona’s history. Joseph was heavily leveraged and lost everything. He ended up declaring bankruptcy. His financial problems created a strain on his marriage, which

finally resulted in a divorce after twenty-five years of marriage. Not surprisingly, Joseph didn’t take all this very well. He started drinking heavily. Fortunately, he was able to eventually quit drinking with the help of AA. As part of his AA program he became a sponsor and helped other alcoholics stay sober. He discovered that he enjoyed his role as a sponsor, reaching out to help others, and started volunteering in other organizations as well. He put his business knowledge to use in helping the economically underprivileged. In talking about his current life, Joseph said, ‘I own a very small remodeling business now. It brings a modest income, but I realize that I’ll never be as rich as I once was. The funny thing is, though, that I don’t really want that kind of money again. I much prefer spending my time volunteering for different groups, working directly with people, helping them out the best I can. These days, I get more pure enjoyment out of one day than I did in a month when I was makin’ the big money. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life!’

‘In generating compassion, you start by recognizing that you do not want suffering and that you have a right to have happiness. This can be

verified or validated by your own experience. You then recognize that other people, just like yourself, also do not want to suffer and they have a right to have happiness. So this becomes the basis of your beginning to generate compassion.

‘So . . . let us meditate on compassion today. Begin by visualizing a person who is acutely suffering, someone who is in pain or is in a very unfortunate situation. For the first three minutes of the meditation, reflect on that individual’s suffering in a more analytic way – think about their intense suffering and the unfortunate state of that person’s existence. After thinking about that person’s suffering for a few minutes, next, try to relate that to yourself, thinking, “That individual has the same capacity for experiencing pain, joy, happiness, and suffering that I do.” Then, try to allow your natural response to arise – a natural feeling of compassion towards that person. Try to arrive at a conclusion: thinking how strongly you wish for that person to be free from that suffering. And resolve that you will help that person to be relieved from their suffering. Finally, place your mind single-pointedly on that kind of conclusion or resolution, and for the last few minutes of the meditation try to simply generate your mind in a compassionate or loving state.’ With that, the Dalai Lama assumed a cross-legged meditation posture, remaining completely immobile as he practi...

‘You thought that you alone had lost a son;

‘For example, you might consider things like old age and death as negative, unwanted, and simply try to forget about them. But eventually these things will come anyway. And if you’ve avoided thinking about these things, when the day comes that any of these events occur, it will come as a shock causing an unbearable mental uneasiness. However, if you spend some time thinking about old age, death, and these other unfortunate things, your mind will be much more stable

‘There’s really no avoiding the fact that suffering is part of life. And of course we have a natural tendency to dislike our suffering and problems. But I think that ordinarily people don’t view the very nature of our existence to be characterized by suffering . . .’ The Dalai Lama suddenly began to laugh. ‘I mean on your birthday people usually say, “Happy Birthday!” when actually the day of your birth was the birth of your suffering. But nobody says, “Happy Birth-of-Sufferingday!” ’ he joked.

Our attitude towards suffering becomes very important because it can affect how we cope with suffering when it arises.

However, if we can transform our attitude towards suffering, adopt an attitude that allows us greater tolerance of it, then this can do much to help counteract feelings of mental unhappiness, dissatisfaction, and discontent.

‘For me personally, the strongest and most effective practice to help tolerate suffering is to see and understand that suffering is the underlying nature of Samsara*, of unenlightened existence.

‘So, anyway, I think that how you perceive life as a whole plays a role in your attitude about suffering. For instance, if your basic outlook is that suffering is negative and must be avoided at all costs, and in some sense is a sign of failure, this will add a distinct psychological component of anxiety and intolerance when you encounter difficult circumstances, a feeling of being overwhelmed.

On the other hand,

if your basic outlook accepts that suffering is a natural part of your existence, this will undoubtedly make you more tolerant towards the adversities of life. And without a certain degree of tolerance towards your suffering, your life becomes miserable; it’s like hav...

Four Noble Truths,