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‘the great aim of education,’ said Herbert Spencer, ‘is not knowledge but action.’
Learning is an active process. We learn by doing. So,
Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.
whenever you are confronted with some specific problem – such as handling a child, winning your spouse to your way of thinking, or satisfying an irritated customer – hesitate about doing the natural thing, the impulsive thing. This is usually wrong.
Check up each week on the progress you are making. Ask yourself what mistakes you have made, what improvement, what lessons you have learned for the future.
Keep notes in the back of this book showing how and when you have applied these principles.
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts
his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
By criticising, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment.
criticisms are like homing pigeons. They always return home. Let’s realise that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return;
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
‘A great man shows his greatness,’ said Carlyle, ‘by the way he treats little men.’
Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. ‘To know all is to forgive all.’
THERE IS ONLY one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything.
that is by making the other person want to do it.
the desire to be great.
the deepest urge in human nature is ‘the desire to be important.’
‘The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.’
If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people honest appreciation
he had many men working for him who knew more about the manufacture of steel than he did.
he was paid this salary largely because of his ability to deal with people.
‘I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,’
‘the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.
‘There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticise anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like any...
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‘I have yet to find the person, however great or exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than he would ever do under a spirit of criticism.’
Carnegie praised his associates publicly as well as privately.
We often take our spouses so much for granted that we never let them know we appreciate them.
the hearty appreciation that they crave almost as much as they crave food.
The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.
‘Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself.’
if we stop thinking about ourselves for
a while and begin to think of the other person’s good points, we won’t have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth.
The next time you enjoy filet mignon at the club, send word to the chef that it was excellently prepared, and when a tired salesperson shows you unusual courtesy, please mention it.
What applies to professionals applies doubly to workers in offices, shops and factories and our families and friends.
appreciation.
Honest appreciation got results where criticism and ridicule failed.
Hurting people not only does not change them, it is never called for.
I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
‘Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.’
forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
it was necessary to bait the hook to suit the fish.
So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
!!! Focus on what other people want and give it to them.
Harry A. Overstreet
Influencing Human Behaviour
‘Action springs out of what we fundamenta...
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First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.’
Remember
the only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants.
Remember
Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: ‘How can I make this person want to do it?’
