Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting in Around the World in 80 Books

Mar 19, 2018 Jillian rated it it was amazing

I was really excited about this book, because I thought the topic was so interesting, but it somehow simultaneously made me never want to have kids, or live in France (didn’t think anyone could have made Paris sound so gruff), or live in America, or learn to cook, or get married, or talk to anyone about their children. The information was interesting, though sometimes repetitive.

Distilled: French children have more boundaries (parents have less guilt about having personal needs, being strict an ...more

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May 10, 2012 Laura added it · review of another edition

I was eager to read Bringing Up Bebe because it is all the rage everywhere, but especially among my co-workers right now. It's a quick read and Druckerman strikes a good balance between presenting and admiring the French way of child-rearing without totally fawning over every single one of their strategies. Certainly there are many culturally specific references here, but overall I felt that this way of parenting is mostly...common sense. I think that in many ways American's struggle with the id ...more

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Mar 07, 2015 Erica rated it really liked it

Shelves: pregnancy-childbirth-breastfeeding, parenting

I'd give it five stars, but it was a bit repetitive, and I can tell her publisher made her tack on the "Bebe Day By Day" at the end for its mass-market appeal. I wish they could have just left the book as the more meditative, exploratory piece that it was clearly originally intended to be.

Besides that, though, I'm surprised by how much I enjoyed, and learned from, this book. I thought it would be obnoxious, a worshipful, unrealistic account of French vs. American parenting. It's not. There are m I'd give it five stars, but it was a bit repetitive, and I can tell her publisher made her tack on the "Bebe Day By Day" at the end for its mass-market appeal. I wish they could have just left the book as the more meditative, exploratory piece that it was clearly originally intended to be.

Besides that, though, I'm surprised by how much I enjoyed, and learned from, this book. I thought it would be obnoxious, a worshipful, unrealistic account of French vs. American parenting. It's not. There are many excellent insights here, esp. "the pause" for early sleep training, "big eyes," mealtime procedure (I had stumbled into giving M his veggies first, and it works GREAT--I'm following the several-course plan now to great effect: he loves all foods), bedtime issues, teaching patience and to not let one's desires consume him/her, etc. Of course it's a teeny bit simplified and idealistic. Being outside looking in to any family will do that.

A few things still flummox me, though. How in god's name, even if they're back at work, not breastfeeding, and sleeping well, do French women expect to get their bodies back 3 MONTHS postpartum? Holy god. Totally unrealistic, totally awful expectations to put on women.

On sleeping: my doctor, and all of the books I read (probably a dozen or so?) suggested that we sleep with our baby in our room for at least the first 6 months of his life. We only made it 6 weeks, because sleeping with him that near meant I never got any sleep at all. (We never tried co-sleeping b/c I have epilepsy: well-controlled, but still a scare if you have a tiny baby in bed with you. I'll be honest, I wasn't keen on anything nursing on me in my sleep, either. I needed sleep to function, to be a good human. It meant better times for all of us immediately.) With the lesson on "the pause" and other sleep issues, it seems like French doctors don't subscribe to sleeping with the baby in your room. As a brand new mom, I was of course wealthy afraid of SIDS, and had I read this before he was born, I wouldn't have known what to do. (Too tired to really think rationally, mostly, but also classic American mom's guilt over not doing EVERYTHING perfectly for my baby.) One item on "the pause," though: she says waiting 5 minutes is "short." When a small baby is making almost any noise at all, 5 minutes isn't short. My husband and I would have to FORCE ourselves to watch the clock and WAIT 5 minutes before going to our baby, even if he wasn't crying/upset.

Lastly, although I envy French women in that they seem to have a much easier time reclaiming their sexuality/adult interests & frame of mind after babyhood, my experience of nursing my son for more than a year now is something I would never trade. For anything. Any culture that comes between moms and babies nursing (when they both want to nurse) has something amiss. Nursing isn't for every mom/baby duo--no guilt there on anyone from me--but in a country with creches and all kinds of other wonderful family-supportive institutions and beliefs, saying "non" to breastfeeding seems pretty bizarre.

In short, I appreciated this book for all the reasons I appreciate all books that deal in cultural comparisons. It brings the ridiculous to light in each culture, and the beautiful to light as well. This book, more than anything I've read, is convincing me to actually work on trying to feel less guilty about everything I do in life at this moment that isn't baby-centered. Convincing myself that I deserve a life, deserve joy, deserve a fulfilling career and marriage, just like before our kiddo came along, has been harder than I thought it would be. American society and its extreme lack of structural and social support, along with incredibly ridiculous standards for women/moms, is slowly, deliberately killing us all. Additionally, the terrible American parenting (helicopter parenting, forcing kids to "achieve" and "win" at EVERYTHING from a very young age; parenting is only hands-off when it comes to discipline, it seems) that I see everywhere I go now thankfully isn't normal around the world. It doesn't need to be this way. ...more

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Mar 16, 2012 Ginger rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: kidlit-middle-ya

I have an obsession with reading parenting books even though I'm not one. This was just fantastic, common-sense parenting. I have some dearly loved friends who seem to have lost themselves parenting. The French get a lot wrong, but it seems their parenting is old-fashioned and balanced, where the parents are in charge and the children respect that they are comfortably not.

The author gives some wonderful tips on how to deal with mealtimes, nutrition (I was astounded and hopeful at how well-balanc ...more

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Mar 18, 2012 Jessica rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, france, memoir, parenting, marys-moms

Druckerman's got a lot of interesting things to say here, and she does a nice job uncovering the basic cultural attitudes and ideas about what makes a successful life that inform French and American parenting. She organizes the story especially well, and the presentation flows so smoothly that you're frequently anticipating her next topic or conclusion before you even get there. There's also a wealth of good advice for American parents who want to break out of the hypervigilant micromanagement m ...more

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Apr 13, 2015 Elizabeth added it

I finished this book while in France, which was kind of a nice compliment. Many of the practices and sources of tension she points out were familiar to me as my father went through the French education system while my mother was educated in the United States. I do think that the French strike a good balance between structure and laxness. However, I believe that raising a child is such a personal voyage, influenced deeply by your own upbringing, that these type of books are a somewhat flawed and ...more

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Jan 18, 2013 Sherry added it · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction-parenting-and-society, intl-european

interesting but stereotypical.

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Sep 03, 2012 Erin (NY) rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, books-i-own, read-in-2013, parenting

I thought this book was excellent. Without realizing it, apparently, I have been parenting A&A similarly to the French, not so much K. I very much agree with the pause principle. I will be recommending this book to all new parents.

I also really enjoyed the way in which this book was written. Even though anecdotal evidence is far from scientific, it makes for a much better read than a whole bunch of research studies.

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Jan 09, 2013 Stephanie rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: listened-lit, parenting-practices

3.5 stars

An interesting read about one woman's experience raising children in a France.
In some places it was enlightening and fun to read, other places felt a bit repetitive.
On a whole, this book has a lot of sound advice on raising children to be independent within boundaries. ...more

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