Pam’s Comments (group member since Dec 29, 2016)

Pam’s comments from the Our Shared Shelf group.

The "freedom" in that sort of fetish can be appealing to those who make decisions all day to those who are overwhelmed by making decisions.

But back on topic..

To understand how your friend changed so much, I recommend talking more with her. If the old things / activities are no longer her thing, maybe a neutral area to start... Like a coffee shop at a book store or a going to a movie together and grabbing food after.

Just remember house husbands exist in our world today with no shame, house wives can too. Doesn't make her a bad feminist, just means she wants someone to care for her and to care for them in return

Great topic Meelie. I actually just finished the book.

I loved her sections on gender and sexuality. Her reviews of Girls, Girls, Girls in which she reviews Girls and Girlfriends just hit the mark on how smart the show is while also pointing out it's failures.

Also..." I was once Miss America" was just beautiful. Where "what we hunger for" was very emotional.

I cringed at "not here to make friends," nodded along to "Typical First Year Professor" and had to examine my reactions to her reviews on The Help, Django Unchained, and Tyler Perry.

This is going to be an emotionally tough read.

Gay touches on a few of the ideas of Hunger in her earlier book Bad Feminist. I applaud her ability to discuss her pain . As well as her commitment to the idea that life itself does not have trigger warnings or ratings attached to it, so why should our "entertainment".

But I do very much want to warn readers that this book will not be easy to consume.

But by implying that one can buy their way into being a feminist, these brands normalize the continued exclusion of underprivileged women from feminist discourse.

Ah yes, let's stop a US company with a woman CEO who is giving a consumer base what they want.

Let's you know, pay attention to the fact that a consumer product is not at all marketed to people while there are other more important issues out there.

Or also get into the line of thought that says as a consumer I'm less of a person bc I don't get to brand myself as woke with these products. How dare they create a thriving business bc I don't have the funds to purchase their goods. How dare they not cater to me when I don't have money nor desire to spend it on products when I'm more worried about putting food in the table or evacuating my home from flooding, or happy without needing to wear makeup or "this is what a feminist looks like" t-shirt. Shoot if was that important to me I can grab a sharpie and scribble it on my shirt. If it was important to me I would buy an apple product or the new nike shoes.

Get off the savior throne. The author obviously has bought the products had the cash to do, and apparently goes out to these events regularly. Do your research about their foundation/ corporate gifts, complain if they have a hiring issue with toxic people with history of sexual harrasment. Fight if they test products on chimps or kittens.

And Zaha Hadid, The Queen of the Curve, a Iranian/British architect.

oh oh. Grace Hopper! One of our first women programmers and leaders in COBOL programming. Gave rise to the idea of "bug" as computer errors as the old computers were so large and with blinking lights that bugs actually did get stuck in the tape multiple times. Also Rear Admiral in the US Navy.

Marie Tharp (July 30, 1920 – August 23, 2006) was an American geologist and oceanographic cartographerwho, in partnership with Bruce Heezen, created the first scientific map of the entire ocean floor. Tharp's work revealed the presence of the Mid-Atlantic Ridge, causing a paradigm shift in earth science that led to acceptance of the theories of plate tectonics and continental drift.[1]

http://lifestyle.one/grazia/celebrity...

I appreciate this comment: "Or has the work that Whedon has done to try to redress the gender balance on screen - and in Hollywood - cancelled out his shitty treatment of his wife behind closed doors? "

If he did or did not cheat with the actresses he still changed the way we saw women on screen.

I struggle with this. I want to say it doesn't matter as I'm such a big fan of his work. But I've been a third party in situations like these IRL and still have not completely forgiven the adulter.

To err is human. And not knowing all the details, only her side, I can easily pass judgement. Will I look at his old material -Buffy, Firefly, (or even Cosby's work in the Cosby Show) differently. No. I won't. But I won't be able to put them on a pedestal anymore.

What a good conversation! I wanted to add my support to James, Keith, and Winston on Mayweather's upbringing, freedom of speech, and ability to spend his money his way.

While we have talked about upbringing we haven't really hit on culture. Mayweather is the top player in a hugely machismo sport. A sport that panders and relies on these sorts of remarks and actions. The sport is changing a bit... specifically with women MMA fighters. And Joe Rogan does a great job cutting through some of the crap, but bs and penis contests are always going to be part of fighting.

To all those who find disgust with these comments: good. you're giving them the exact response they want. you're not a fan nor believe in his celebrity: Fantastic! You're helping to create more of the "boys club" by calling it gross and keeping your distance.

Anansi Boys is a novel by Neil Gaiman. In the novel, "Mr. Nancy" — an incarnation of the West African trickster god Anansi — dies, leaving two sons, who in turn discover each other.

-The three body problem.
-Kristine Kathryn Rusch’s Fey Series, they are Elfin, but dark elves and the story deals with interracial marriage

Laci Green (Iranian family, former Morman who talks sex plus) and Sexplanations.

Kat Blaque for a black, trans perspective

reply to Ashna.

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like your parents still have not realized what success could look like outside of marriage.

to them, marriage comes with it two success. 1) that they did a good job raising you as a daughter and 2) that others see that they did such a good job that they want to join the families. Your marriage may be one of their own life goals and how they see their own purpose fufill.

Besides that, your marriage also gives them assurances that you will be taken cared for/ safe. i.e. you'll have a family to be with you in case anything should happen to them.

So to answer your question about how you live in that world view... help to convince them that what you want to do ( career ?, travel? ) will be a success too. That you will not bring dishonor to their names, that they won't find you in a ditch broken somewhere. that instead, you will be safe, cared for, and in a better position bc of what they did / gave you.

A 2014 report by the Department of Justice estimated that 34.8%cases of sexual assaults are reported to the authorities.

The reasons why victims don't report is as follows:
- They don't want people to know
- they don't think police / authorities will believe them
- they don't believe it will do any good, they won't have control over the process.

Now, make the victim male with the stereotypes reinforcing that men should always be up for sex, that they are the stronger of the two sexes, that getting beaten by a girl is a heinous crime against their masculinity etc and hopefully you can see how the same reasons can be used for both male and female victims. And may be even harsher on males, as women are already seen to fufill their stereotypes of being weak and therefore more naturally the victim. but a male being a victim goes against the entire gender roles.

to say that men can't be victims is saying that women can't be abusers. that men can't be weak, is the same that women can't be strong.

We can argue about the semantics of rape vs assault but we can all agree that victims should not have to worry about reporting or not reporting these crimes.

I was giving two engineers a tour of the research and development lab where I work. One engineer was the director of manufacturing technology, an older gentlemen some 5 yrs or so until retiring. The other was his second and in his thirties.

The Director thanked me for giving them a comprehensive and detailed tour of our latest projects and then mentioned that he recently attended a workshop that required more imagination then his current staff of engineers who were all left brained, and that during the workshop it was apparent that they needed more right brained thinkers on the team. You know, he said waving a hand at me, women engineers. Women are more intune with their dreams than engineers. After that conference he decided to hire more ladies for his team.

I agreed politily with him. Internally disagreed with him, afronted at his backhanded compliment. But decided that 1-more women hired in to STEM is not bad and 2- he and his line of reasoning are on the way out. Women will be there to actively confront these old stereotypes. Very much an ends justify the means mentality.

Agree with James. This is only the beginning. Right now Strong is in.

But with every Atomic Blonde we had a Salt, Domino, or the lady from the Pink Panther before her.

Wonder Woman had Catwoman, Supergirl before her.

Hollywood is capitalizing on it right now, but we won't see the end of Minerva McGonigal, or M, or Rue, or Black Widow or Jinora or Belles or Katherine Johnsons.

And with more women taking the role of producer, screen writer or director we will see many many more to come.

It's a complex issue. and one that I only know the barest on. But in very base language it comes down to the business: the patient size (how many people will purchase) and that patients risk factor (markup).

Heart attacks, the number one cause of death for women, kills women. Cancer, specifically cervical or breast, kills women. Menopause, while uncomfortable, is not considered a large enough risk factor. i.e. patients don't need to take the drug. they can opt out and still live a life. Whereas there is a large risk for those who stop taking their heart medicine. And there comes the trade offs, right. What are the side effects?

Now, is there a bias towards women and women's pain... perhaps. I'm willing to see the numbers if anyone has any? Who owns that market space? Midol? Pamprin?

"well-behaved women seldom make history?" Laurel Thatcher Ulrich.

Pulitzer Prize winning historian

I agree with Sascha and Ashna, by putting someone on a pedestal you run the risk of people starting to say "Well I'm just not good like Emma or Gloria, Im not THAT smart or THAT involved. therefore maybe feminism isn't for me or maybe I'm a bad feminist"

Can she be a proponent​ or a large supporter of feminism instead if the face?

article: https://markmanson.net/whats-the-prob...

Thoughts?

I'm sorry, 13 iterations and still not a ginger. Bugger. ;P

Actress or Actor, the writing needs to be there. I loved Capaldi, but try as he did, the writing just wasn't that good. And I'm worried that if the same issue happens it will be blamed on why we shouldn't have a female doctor.