Dwayne’s Comments (group member since Apr 01, 2017)

Dwayne’s comments from the Support for Indie Authors group.

She's lactose intolerant.

A young boy is having his best day ever. At the same time, his twin sister is having her worst day ever. Go.

Jeremy.

I didn't read your information section, as I like to go into these blurbs cold, as your readers will. My reaction is - it's good, but far too long. There's a lot of "starts to explore" and listings which drag the blurb down. Depression and recovery are mentioned twice, as are sexuality and mental health. There's also a lot of vague references to things like "challenges" that will be meaningless to a reader.

I would suggest something like this:

'Welcome to the Sombre Days' is Jeremy Mifsud's autobiographical story told in eighty-eight poems. Jeremy explores his sexual orientation, his religious upbringing, relationships, vulnerability, depression, and mental health.

I have a romance-ish short I've been diddling with off an on for a while. The cover I'm going with shows a couple lightly kissing. If your story is not racy / sexy, there's no reason your cover needs to be, even if all the other books in your category have racy covers. Maybe by not going the route others are going, it will help set your book apart.

Personally, I wish we didn't have to have a reminder of the group rules pop up at all, but alas... we need it. Unfortunately, we can only do as much as Goodreads will allow when it comes to having the group rules pop up.

I'm not sure why the rules would be covering your post. Right now I am typing this and I can only see the rules if I let the mouse hover over the box. I can read my post in full. The rules shouldn't remain visible after the post has been made. Maybe it looks different on different kinds of devices? I haven't had any issues with my computer at home or any of the work computers.

Another one...

It's like a whole classroom of students sitting around saying, "It's like Harry Potter, only darker."

It's like What's Eating Gilbert Grape meets Lord of the Flies... and a bunch of other stuff. But, it's nothing like The Breakfast Club. (Okay, it is, but do not tell the main characters that).

Another is like James Thurber and Kurt Vonnegut co-wrote a Twilight Zone episode.

There's already a lot of threads going about pricing and you've already gotten some good advice on this one, so I'm closing it.

I also removed the link to your book.

R.S. wrote: "I thought it was fairly relevant to the thread :-) "

No it wasn't. We're not here to self-promote, nor do we allow links to anything, etc. Please familiarize yourself with the rules and the purpose of the group.

R.S. wrote: "I wrote a book"

So did everyone here. We're not here to sell our books to one another. Please familiarize yourself with the rules and the purpose of the group. Thanks.

R.S. wrote: "Hopefully Today!!!!"

Comment deleted for blatant self-promotion. Please do not hijack threads to try to sell your books. Thanks.

From the upcoming Suckers & Rogues:

It was then we ran across something that made me think of Debbie, and for the first time that day, I missed her. Claude and I found a sign post similar to the one on M*A*S*H. It pointed to more than a dozen destinations, some reflecting those on the M*A*S*H sign, such as Seoul (6,374 miles), Death Valley (1,588 miles), and Toledo (571 miles). The sign also included The North Pole (4,336 miles), Atlantis (5,839 miles), The Garden of Eden (6,859 miles), and Xanadu (6,325 miles). There were two arms pointing toward the sky. One said Mars (33,926,867 miles). Another said Khirridion (61 lightyears). Then there was the arm pointing straight up, proclaiming Heaven was 999 billion lightyears above, while another arm declared Hell to be 3,949 miles below us.

“Ben,” said Claude. “I worry about the sanity of the farmer who owns this land.”

It sounds interesting, Tonya. I might be interested, too. Send me a message if you still need a beta reader.

A.A. wrote: "Hi Tonya,

I would hate to see you pay to get a beta-reader. If you're still looking, I would be willing to read your book and offer feedback..."

That's the spirit!

Thanks to those who remember we're here to help each other and not charge for it.

Flying ****s wrote: "We offer beta-reading and other related services..."

Offer it elsewhere. Thanks.

Brian wrote: "What would make the blurb more interesting for you to buy it, what keyword would you be looking for? "

It's your book. What is something in your book that might draw in more readers?

Brian wrote: "While this technology would make space travel as common as airlines." This would help. And your message indicates that this new technology would take people beyond the moon? That could help, too. Anything that is exciting and interesting about your book that doesn't give away too much of the plot would be the way to go.

G.G. wrote: "I don't know...I thought maybe because it was a cheap way to do it...

I don't know, either, and you could be right. I do know I won't buy a book and just hope that there's something more interesting in it than the blurb is saying.

Here's where I'm lost on the blurb, no matter how it is rearranged. Space travel exists and has for decades. I don't really see how doing it differently will cause a global sensation, why Alex would have to go into hiding, etc. That's what's missing for me. It comes across as a group of friends doing experiments and little more.

It's okay. It's a good start, but for me it just doesn't sparkle. It's a list of things that will happen in the book with little to tell me why this tale would be interesting.

Alex Treading Vacuum
Alex Who? and his three friends discover a revolutionary way to travel into space with a device that repels gravity. Their present-day world changing technology is sought by the governmentWhich government? and they are forced How? By who?to go into hiding Why? while they perfect their technology. Their adventures into orbit and space become a global sensationI thought they were in hiding. They discover something so profound they fear what unleashing that information might do to humanity.What is it? Follow these friends as they navigate fame, family and those who are determined to stop them, because for better or worse the choices they make, will shape the future forever! How?

Ralph, if you join our showcase, you can post most anything you want on your thread.