C. (Comment, never msg).’s Comments (group member since Jan 30, 2014)

C. (Comment, never msg).’s comments from the Gentle SPECTRUMS group.

We have all drifted from friends and acquaintances. Twice I was the one cut from people I valued. It was disappointing that it was over perceived akwardness in both cases, easy to resolve if there were one conversation. It lead to the discovery that they were willing to lose my friendship easily. The rest of the time, I cleared out from people where there were deal breakers.

One sweet woman did not try to ask her husband to let her Son's cat move in with him, when he needed a place to stay. I was astonished that she tolerated a husband dictating "no" over a given: you HELP them keep beloved pets during a temporary stay. I was too uncomfortable wondering if he gave the cat a new home which would be horrible and bowed out, after a short and polite observation. I noted that her husband had brought his Sister and Granddaughter to live with them permanently. They had a massive house and sweet cat who would love a companion, or have ample room to avoid him.

I stayed clear of a pal I had for a few years, mainly because she ended her loyal cat's life over behaviour problems! I don't believe in euthanasia in sickness; definitely no other reason. That cat lived with her in an apartment and she was his world. She married and they bought a house. Because he hissed at all the strangeness and her husband hated that, he was kept in the basement. The cat felt worse and expressed his desperate needs. She got a new cat and a new husband.

I am sure I was well regarded generally but did not befriend every coworker or school pupil. One was so snotty to me, I was sure he disliked me more than anyone. He either was hotheaded or outgrew it. When I worked at the same place he did a little over a decade ago, he saw my name and left me a note inviting me to say hi. I was astounded.

Winnie introduced us to a world that did not go past her beloved Mom's arms and bedroom and her Mom knew that. Other people were only faces that popped in to pose questions or serve meals, some unwanted, others neutral. She did not have anything to do with her Dad or the other wives and children, which has to be how he was capable of sending her away.

His insistence on keeping a toddler he did not know and live with, is the maddening part. I hope his youngest, newest wife (I think) was not killed. They seemed like moral people, even though no one offered information when Winnie grew up. However, it is clear that she planned to leave this husband and would not have left any child of hers, for whom she was daily happiness and survival. In the day trip scene, arrangements were made and she had prepared her Daughter to ensure a calm exit.

Whether the man would have been touchy about divorcing even a fourth or so wife, or if he was selfish about relinquishing a tenth or so child, I think someone noticed her plan. I hope she was merely made to leave with a divorce, claiming he would not make legal problems if she left the child. Hiding her might be why the girl was raised elsewhere. I remember ferry rides: wasn't it an island? I think the woman & child knew there were islands in themselves there and would be happy and free on their own, or eventually with a new marriage partner. I will get my day going and add more later on.

We will probably have personal aspects of most conversations in e-mail. The pair you referenced do not apply. There was a lot of helpfulness and loyalty but a breakdown of trust or consideration. When the most serious stress occurred, it was revealed that they hardly knew us. Moreover, they perceived essentials so incorrectly, giving them any more time would be a waste. That is, if they had not also committed multiple betrayals. Just to clarify that they don't count. I don't want to think of or leave a record of them, so once you have seen this, I will delete it from here. It will be its own paragraph so it can be wiped clean afterwards.

I did not read last night because I bathed and retired late. Ron needed a good rest after a restless first night before returning to work. He should be great and after another rest, he will feel solidly healthy and good. We loved "Minecraft", even though it was strange. I love creativity that is bonkers and almost entirely positive.

I picked fresh lettuce and beans an hour or so ago. The lettuce is washed and on the table, with the other half in the crisper. I am taking the green and yellow beans off from cooking. I cleaned and replenished two water dishes for birds and others shared by cats, amphibians, and anyone else who needs a drink.

We are safe and fires are dying out. However, much of our country including Nova Scotia to my surprise, have threats. Please continue to pray for all of us everywhere, my dear friend, Kerri. We had a few short rains and are grateful each and every time it does.

Winnie and Wen Creep did not need refuge at her Dad's home. They had returned from the war and were going to his Parents' place. Winnie asked to visit her Dad on the way. The creep kidnapped the poor man. While his able bodied, clear minded household permitted it is disappointing. I guess this author wanted stories of hardship.

A moving question occurred to me today: What do you feel happened to Winnie's dear Mom from the clues about their time together? Do you have questions for us to ponder?

And now, let's discuss the subject I have been eager to open with you since I read it in this novel a few months ago! Besides being with all of her children, her Mom, Jimmy, and good moments with her Dad.... my favourite part was Winnie's emotional, happy return to visit the Aunts who raised her. It was beautiful and uplifting.

A question that I am asking sincerely for help figuring out, not only a rich dynamic to contemplate together is this: Do you think people misunderstand busyness or gruffness or non hugging personalities? Do you think many people love us more than we thought? Or did the Aunts miss Winnie later and start caring about her later? Have you experienced someone caring about you better than you interpreted, or anyone not disliking you as you thought?

I believe you know the story of my card giving. Mom for some reason taught me to write, address, and stamp my own Christmas cards when I was eight and I have continued my dear Mom's and my dear Grandma's traditions all this time. I became a letter writer too and wondered why relatives in particular did not leap to write back to their dear Niece or Cousin. Mom taught me that people love receiving letters more than we know and just might not be letter writers, or might need to make the time to do it once in awhile; not prompt or as easily as I do. She said to always imagine people enjoy hearing from me more than it looks. That has cheered me up continuously over the years. Thank you, my beloved, dearest Mom!

I hope to retire by about 8:30 PM to get back a solid reading groove. However, after a bath shortly, I am going to review a few more books. I am happy about this groove I have going too. Reviews you might like seeing are "Mystery On October Road", "The Bassumtyte Treasure", and "How To Live With A Neurological Cat". I replied to most of the ones who visited, with gladness and gratitude. Some of these have been published for years, with you supplying the first remarks and even sometimes the first like button.

I do not care about clicks. However, people receive "best review" titles and it isn't for samples of their actual work. It is maddening to go by clicks when most people review poorly or briefly. If they sampled the perfect review content and format, I am just saying, yours truly would be up there!

It could not have been an introductory trailer for "Bob Hearts Abishola" because Billy was huge until later seasons. His size hinges on establishing the series. The character had a heart attack and Abishola was his nurse. Even if I had seen the 1990s sitcom, this was new, edgy, and he wasn't such a sweetie as the old character seemed, at least from clips. Bob's boldness with his likeability was refreshing: not a pushover, someone who could debate right back with a Nigerian wife or a loud Mom.

You often say a lot of series are on your list, fortunately because of high-speed internet. I watch little television and look for positive things that get me inspired or laughing, so a recommendation from me, I think, means something. :)

Either our reptile friend chose somewhere private to suntan, or the green mat worked to stop drawing attention to a metal doorsill. I love that dear little guy and respect his larger relatives. However, it was nice to open my back door and not see a snake, almost tumbling in. I let the girls out the front door, with the caution that I was accompanying them to set out the birdfeeders for the day. I see several goldfinches seeking seeds in our flowerbeds until I did and I won't have the cats around birds.

I did not know Viggo had a predecessor. He is memorable as a nice guy. I could do without him as a sadist in "G.I. Jane". It is a compliment to provide "Lord Of The Rings" details because I have the extended boxsets and have enjoyed interviews out the wazoo.

Oh my gosh, what astonished me about Courtney Cox not name dropping her participation in "Family Ties" that I could see, nor anyone who highlighted her major acting credits, is that hers was not a drop in. She was a major character for the last few seasons! My earliest introduction to Courtney was "Ace Ventura Pet Detective", then I saw her in "Coccoon" II or III.

I was tired of hearing about "Friends" but after seeing a good Oprah interview, tuned in the day everyone figured out who Fathered Rachel's baby, because Ross' sweatshirt was dropped off. Who they were, their history, dynamics, humour, personalities, Monica & Chandler's wedding, Phoebe providing babies for a Brother (a story made for Lisa's true pregnancy).... I saw those later. I disliked the first few seasons, until Lisa dropped throat-clearing for her character. I am actually uninterested in watching any of it again, except when Monica & Chandler fall in love. I skip the early seasons of "The Big Bang Theory" too, until Sheldon proposes to Amy.

Yes, snakes are afraid of us and only want to get away quickly and discreetly. Our little back door guest only moved along the inside doorframe. I put a box at the corner to ensure he did not go farther into the kitchen but he did not want to. I rolled the cookbook cart shelf and he was coiled in the corner behind it, at the end of the door frame, against the end of the cupboards. When I saw how small he was, my heart went out to him and I could have picked him up. I guided him out along the doorframe with a pitcher and book to keep him calm.

They are fast and strong but being afraid of us makes them only care about hiding or the exit. They don't fly and they are larger than insects and definitely easier to guide than insects. They are not a large animal besides compared to insects, so naturally you don't want them hiding anywhere you can't see or retrieve them easily. It was fine. Okay, time for book talk in another paragraph.

If the postmistress went to the United States, it would be lovely for Winnie to regain a good friend. She helped her at the most essential times. She was wise to escape with money Winnie couldn't claim.

I always thought Winnie chose to put her money in impactful places and wisely evaluated it each time. Housework was much harder prior to conveniences, without war. If a Mom wanted a maid, she needed it. She likely felt safe with someone around. If she didn't spend it in good causes and for some pleasure for herself, a violent and alcoholic male might do it on something useless.

I wondered why Winnie did not report theft to her Dad before she married, or after if that was the case. You have a good idea, that she might write to him anytime afterwards. They had not written or had a conversation before, or a relationship. Nonetheless, a report was due to see what he made of it.

I love your thoughts on what we might enjoy in a sequel, Kerri. I share them. Why not propose it to Amy? I praised Simone St. James before her popularity flourished, for writing paranormal, non-crime mysteries that were neither "cozy" nor "horror". I told her that the "standard mystery" middle tone was rare and how much I valued her stories for supplying it. She replied with great appreciation. She confirmed that she wrote what she needed to see as a reader! Too bad that after free previews became passed around in huge numbers, she interpreted her popularity to mean that literature needed "thrillers". She abandoned what made her original and a better writer.

I have written a lot and will close here. I am late for a bath and need to bring the girls back where they are relaxing in the library. Ron is asleep - first days back at work tired everybody. I said I have a theme I am most looking forward to discussing and will present that conversation next.

I open the back door warily nowadays and it was wise. The little garter snake was not scared away from the warm metal doorsill. He was right there again. I saw him in time to tap him with a Kleenex to move away and he did. We have a little mat there that I pulled up on the doorsill, to discourage lounging. It is also an easy mode of rolling animals off of it we need to.

Snakes are easier to catch and help outside than insects. They aren't as small and don't fly! My technique for insects is to wait until daylight attracts them to windows, then to open that screen for them. One month until we have windows that are easier to use.

Since there isn't time to write here, review books, and e-mail: you skipped a bunch in my recent e-mail you could make do with. You probably know that, entitling yours "a few replies". Also, you missed my review of "Chamber Of Secrets", which I look forward to having your reaction on. Finally, I reply to you everywhere. I don't go by notifications; I recheck everywhere I commented.

I enjoyed "The Amazing Race Canada", before writing this and finishing another book review. Manitoba hasn't appeared yet but as the host's home province, his town was featured last year and I loved it!

I hope you had a fun supper and tell me whose occasion it was, since you wrote a card. I hope videos of you & Izzy appear in my text-messages. No more excuses about having colds! I am glad you are laying off books to socialize.

You ramped up your speed while I was reading "The Stand" for Pete's sake. Then I paged through Manitoba history slowly. I am going to make my way better with an Aboriginal story. I also have a beautiful book of photography, of a loyal Mom polar bear and her cubs. Good night! Love, Carolyn.

Explanations succeeded, if you got that Emily was in charge of her outcome and aftermath. No one forced her to marry, nor run after him shaking fists. She told him to buzz off. He did.

You are through with me? I'll use my vacation ticket. Not okay to invite a friend? Make up your mind, bitch. Rachel went alone. Ross stayed to appease Emily again and again. Said the wrong name? Stop the ceremony; don't continue then run away.

I'd appreciate follow-up on the effort to convey articles explaining the actress was unfunny. She barely cracked a smile or made a wry face. Anything to get with the program she was invited to. Comedy made unpleasant situations work on that show, among actors who could do it well.

I can't imagine anyone believing it was her choice to continue a plot that went nowhere. If an article cited a pregnancy, the producers let it slide to be polite. "Friends" was a premium show that people begged for a ten second appearance on. Matty was fortunate to continue because he left his addiction outside work hours and was one of the top four stars by the time he took some recovery absences. His Dad, who guest starred, threatened that if they didn't support Matty, he would pull out. They stopped pressure him to hurry anything he needed to restore his health.

The stories of Ross & Rachel returning to each other worked. However, I liked him with Charlie, another paeleontologist. In the writers' frequent stupid move, she was with very unsuitable Joey before Ross asked her out. They belonged together. I thought it might be a rare case where it is she who left the famous show, to be a lead in "Ghost Whisperer". That was one of my favourites. I only caught "Friends" a bit before it ended. I can only see articles about filming 9 shows instead of 4, double what she was invited to act in. Fans wanted more of her.

I enjoyed watching "Bob Hearts Abishola". It was current, musical, edgy comedy from an unfamiliar talent to me. I did not watch "Mike & Molly", so Billy's style always got me laughing. I recognized the younger Brother, from "Mom" starring Allison Janney. I only tired of the "bossy Nigerian Mom" theme. Bob's ex-wife reappeared and tried renewing friendship with his Mom. This is a character that could have clung but my favourite moment got rid of her. She brought cookies, said she would return later for the pan, and Bob smacked it upside down. Having emptied it, he said "There you go"!

"Mom" about alcohol recovery was also through the roof with fresh, current comedy. Anna Ferris was good in her role (Daughter of the titular Mom, Allison Janney) but I liked it better after she retired. The role of Anna's Daughter was bitchy and her Son had no use after she was gone either. Nor her ex-husband, who went onto "Bob Hearts Abishola". Chuck Lorre recycled actors. The black nurse who was often on "The Big Bang Theory", became nurse Abishola's boss. Old shows are fun but I love the surprise burst of laughter from unexpected, new humour.

You don't stay if you don't jive. I think it is commonly known that Mike Fox replaced an actor named Eric, who had filmed part of "Back To The Future".

Speaking of recycling actors, last year I saw most of "Family Ties" and Crispin Glover appeared once! So did Geena Davis. Courtney Cox had an important part that I did not know about because I did not seen the last few seasons while I was busy in highschool! Why she doesn't rave about it is beyond me! That is another accolade to list in her accomplishments! I will change comment boxes, to discuss Amy Tan directly.

I am catching my breath about a dear little garter snake who was misdirected inside for a few minutes. I am unafraid to pick them up, especially this sweet little one but preferred to use a pitcher. I should have picked him up and my hesitation precipitated a place I do not want a snake. I went out to check for Petal because Ron took the truck to bikeride on trails. I pray cats aren't under vehicles when they are used. A snake was on the doorsill and left inwards instead of outwards.

I shook off the mat but could not confirm he had gone. I was glad to visually confirm where he was! Curled up near the back door under our cookbook shelf. Being unsure was unacceptable. He moved towards the kitchen slowly but I had it blocked with a box. He went back to the corner to curl up and I led him to the open door with the pitcher. He would not go into it. When he was at the door, I got him to rise back onto the ledge with a book and he gratefully exited.

He seemed smaller up close but this might be the young garter from our south flowerbed. I haven't seen him in awhile and hope he is well. If they are different, I hope this younger one gets over his scare but stays clear of doors. A doorsill is hard to see. It happened years ago but that garter ran away from the door.

You might not know Manitoba has many Hutterite and Mennonite communities. They patronize stores and attractions in groups, wearing traditional clothes and hats. However, there is independence in their hearts. I met the most extraordinary young woman, about eighteen year-old and we hit it off well. She told me the name of her village if I wished to visit. She values her religious faith and her heritage customs and is true to them. At the same time, she has a balance with modern thought and freedom that I have never seen like that.

I know from experience among religious friends and neighbours that many people marry hastily even now, a step removed from a chosen betrothal. They don't feel right doing more than hold hands, so there is little they can do to keep up dating. Mom bluntly said "They get married so they can have sex" and she is right. I know and respect those values but also understanding living with someone for a little while, is how to root out anyone incompatible or unkind.

People can change but a trial run lets us know someone prior to matrimony. It is good that divorce is possible, even though folks hope discord that size doesn't occur. This wonderful girl said divorce is against her beliefs so she tries to choose cautiously. I said I did too but you can't predict changes in disposition, etc. God does not want us living in misery and one can get out. She agreed and told me emotional support has been brought to their communities, like councillors.

She admitted her Dad was getting a handle on alcoholism and was proud of him. She said there were meetings with women that challenged gospel instructions. She said it was eyeopening that a discussion leader asked "How many of you would stay with your marriages if it was acceptable to leave them". She said no one raised their hand.

Winnie would not have been encouraged to date long but had the opportunity to sift out selfishness. A cruel person could only appear courteous for a little while. Winnie should have told her Dad that the new family swept up his dowry. I don't think they were married but it was worth warning her Dad if there had been a ceremony. Although uncomfortable to raise in her Dad's office or after the thefts, Winnie speaking up was her shot at getting help with a situation she did not know how to handle. She was a girl needing to know when she had permisison to act and what she ought to tolerate.

Any spirituality worth its salt know God does not want us unhappy, stressed, or trapped, nor does He / She want us judged. If a person wants to get well acquainted before considering an engagement, do it. If a person feels that divorce is necessary, trust that they took awhile to come to that conclusion. Stop judging anyone for having children or not, working an outside career or not, partnering with a marriage ceremony or not.

I don't recall the postmistress being in the United States. Winnie saw her before she left China, leading the ruse to get Wen Fuckoff's divorce settled. I don't know if divorce is harder today, only that there is a backlog to put it through and assets to settle.

Women had assets is the China of Amy's novel. Wives are supposed to speak-up for husbands who had strokes or injuries. I don't know why one of the many senior wives did not get the police to arrest Wen Fuckoff. His political scare approach was a bluff. Nonetheless, one of those wives or all of them together, could have used a crafty approach to dispense of him. There were many against one and they were not trapped like the stroke victim.

It had not occurred to me that Winnie's young Mom might be alive. That would certainly be another wonderful reason for Amy to write a sequel.

Danru was little but take it from a country of immigrants: age has nothing to do with how well anyone adapts. My relatives and Ron's made a wonderful legacy here, even though some of them had strong accents and others had little skill with English. Most people learn English well and some relinquish accents, although keeping traits of their homeland is encouraged.

I thought refugees were here until their countries were safe but they are satisfied here. They got jobs quickly and places to live that I guess are good. They can upgrade when they have a mind to. Housing and apartments are at a premium but I hope old buildings are renovated instead of any encroachment on natural spaces.

Ross rushed a relationship, which was accepted. He was solely stupid not to ask Rachel if there was a chance. He thought he had to move on and was doing it. The word you're going with is "unpopular"? I said before that Emily was hated universally at a landslide majority (which I know you are not among).

People sympathized that anyone would feel upset by an interrupted ceremony. Rachel have to tell Ross she was available. Emily's realization that she had rushed a relationship would have simmered down, past wasting money and embarrassment. There was no time to be in love or to pin your world on someone she had just met.

I know the situation very well and can't believe you think that lukewarm actress left at her choosing due to pregnancy. Her role as she played it wasa not working. Some main "Friends" actors said "Get her the out of here", further to TV viewers. They explained why and I appreciated it because I am the most sympathetic person. She was so bland, I couldn't bear scenes with her and when she whined or ranted long AFTER the day she could justify it; all I felt was "shut up".

The explanation in articles discussing it was that when Rachel's character was upset or fought with Ross' character, at least Jennifer Aniston and David Schwimmer were funny and sympathetic and warm. That actress was unlikeable from the day we met her; pissed off about arriving late in the rain and a rendezvous with someone being cancelled. Stomping her foot that the church she wanted was decomissioned, as if he couldn't research beforehand. She was a bitch and was fired from a potential extention because she had no comedy in her to compensate for how she conveyed herself. Have you seen it a lot? I have rewatched it countless times and can recite dialogue verbatim.

I sense that the awful country you read about maintained an idea of force. There hasn't been for centuries, except in novels and a few societies. You said Malala's Dad had "decent choice". They asked for their arrangement, like a lot of people! If Parents consider matches, they are options being suggested. Put yourself in the children's shoes: they expect marital suggestions, if they have not met someone by a certain age. It is not different from looking on-line or our Parents suggesting nice young people.

Shake off the old "force" impression from history or fiction. Western societies pressure kids about marriage. I had to shake relatives off after Ron & I were together a few years. When we were engaged, there were questions about plans and kids. For example, we expected guests to partake of vegetarian meals. It is the direction that goes against no beliefs. Soon, Ron & I understood we wanted to savour engagement and its traditions. A few years after, home-buying became our marriage and honeymoon.

Just remember "SUPPER" when you write about your outings. The D word belongs to the United States. I also want to say, I air dry my hair and refuse to let hairdressers dry it either. I am surprised anyone uses a hairdryer because nature only takes a few minutes, whatever the humidity. It doesn't matter how many minutes hair is wet when we are home. And by the time we arrive at an outing, it is dry. I don't think blowdrying is good, nor dyeing (unless we were white or grey). Highlighting is a waste that I hope is out of vogue. We have natural highlights that are beautiful!

I think doing nothing but trim and daily shampoo & conditioner, is why my hair is healthy. When stylists touch it, they seem surprised. I am 99% brown at over fifty years-old. People should avoid leaping to assumptions like "genetics", so commonly believed that sources on-line would repeat it. I think what we eat and how we live has a say that needs to be studied. I have heard of ingredients that can reverse vision to ideal function and hair colour to its natural hue (black sesame seeds).

Looking at my clear, unwrinkled skin, no one would argue that Mom & I are onto something with washing. Just scrub with water and a facecloth. I put no soap on face or neck. Cleansing and exfoliating are natural too. The active ingredient is usually fruit, right? So I wipe my hands on my face, neck, hands whenever I have eaten fruit or cucumber. I relax with cumber peels on my eyes, nose, mouth for fifteen minutes. I wash it after awhile, only with water. The occasional time I change coffee grounds (Ron gets up earlier), I rub them on my face, hands, feet. I scrub them off with water, when I go into the bath. I glow like a beacon.

Interesting that divorce was easy. The challenge was requiring the other person's signature. If you got that, it was accepted and recorded officially. Without computer databases, you carried your copy to reiterate you were free, if asked.

Maybe Chinese did not frown upon it. Most of our impressions are from English or North American stories. "Crazy Rich Asians" portrays China with a gigantic class difference but perhaps family or spiritual matters were outside it, left to each person's needs.

I think you are getting your perception of forced marriage from ancient history and fiction, as I warned. Don't mistake fiction or bygone terms. Perhaps an unknown culture or fearful person might be an exception. Arranged marriage consults the suggested couple. It feels odd to us, unless we think of close family introducing us to someone they know to be good people.

It sounds like you are faulting Ross for a marriage Emily agreed to and spent weeks planning. He should hardly have dated anyone let alone proposed if he still yearned for Rachel. It was especially clueless when they were both unattached and interested in one another. However, even if he they stupidly kept quiet, Ross thought his preference was inattainable. His only fault was proposing marriage quickly and not speaking with Rachel about their opportunities. Emily accepted.

The show is to blame for how cringingly they wrote the story. Emily urged Ross to continue a ceremony, then refused to talk to him. He had a wedding night alone, thought he must be alone for the honeymoon, and asked Rachel to share a ticket with him. What a drag that Emily appeared and was glum to find that Ross had decided to not be depressed or waste the money. I love John Ritter but "Three's Company" was the worst of all for misunderstandings, when someone walked into a room and noticed a kiss or overhead a telephone call.

We are on in concert and that is nice. I suppose you are writing more and started with an introduction. I hope you see all my entries of this morning, which continued on a second topic page. I am jumping into a bath, then writing another review or two. I will read what your book replies when I come out, refreshed.

I did sweep the library floor which it needed and shook out the entryway carpet. I stowed the table. What was under it fit nicely, after putting a few items in the closet or on the library couch to organize after. The bookshelf fit beautifully beside those boxes, one atop the heaviest. Tomorrow, I will use that bookshelf to clear up space. Inside our house, I fulfilled Ron's request to reduce what was on the coffeetable and wash the pink tablecloth protecting it.

I need to keep reading and reviewing, so that some artbooks especially can be kept or put aside to sell. Those are mostly too heavy to mail. I will continue with this office and our bedroom in the morrow.

We knew her first kids were not in the USA but meeting them and losing them was hard. It is not about being unsurprised, nor diseases being possible. It was handled hastily, which made the death feel like a plot item Amy checked-off. Not an arm that fit their story. Danru survived stillbirth like his first Sister, illness like his second Sister, death by abuse, bombs in war, malnutrition, or diseases that MORE likely would be in those hastily put together homes DURING war.

He is fit and well and a full character. He is sent to Helen & her Aunt for safe-keeping until Winnie can get airline tickets out of there. Many kids were sent from Parents in times of danger. I think he was sent because she was going to prison, which was necessary. It wasn't because it was off page. It was a jagged plot change that slapped readers with "He needs to die somehow. We'll say he got sick in this town and say the same about Helen's first husband". It was NOT plausible for this resilient boy. He was too obviously written out, it doesn't matter that Amy had planned it.

Kerri, I don't think Winnie hid her first children from Pearl or Samuel. Jimmy loved Danru too and had a treasured photograph album of him in it. It is something you tell and show your family. I guess that means admitting you had a previous husband. There is no shame in saying he was horribly abusive to your closest loved-ones but she could skip any part she wanted. If you have Sisters & Brothers in Heaven or Earth, you deserve to know. I think she must have glossed over years before that she had had a husband, producing children who had gone to Heaven. It was not the focus of the book but Mothers, even those who sent some for adoption, usually tell their present day families about them. I pour over adoption reunion shows all the time and know such people.

It is only in novels that people are so awfully secretive. "Hard to talk about", be damned. Mom went through awfully hard things and Dad moved past terrible experiences he wanted to leave in the past too. Mom felt it was worth telling hard things so her kids knew her inside & out and even my "move past it" Dad shared his hardest times. They are "Be careful this never happens" lessons that are valuable. Many people find mentioning the names of loved-ones healing, better outside of their souls than stuck in them. I can't count the people I met on the beach, workmen at my house, even that touchy drink machine guy where I worked.... telling me the most wrenching things about beloved babies or animals who didn't make it.

Also, did you know Canada welcomes tons of war refugees? We started with Serbians. I can't remember the last time anyone came for our satellite dish, telephone repair, or window measuring who was not a Ukrainian refugee. Some of them speak of it freely and it is RECENT trauma. No, there is no easily dismissed "it was hard to talk about". Most things are hard to talk about for everyone. This is a fictional novel. I think authors need to ditch the shallow assumption that readers will believe most people won't share a "secret child, past marriage". We don't buy it. As someone who has lost tons of loved-ones, there is a desperation to keep talking about them and showing their photographs: it is not just me. Whew, I went deep and thoroughly on that bandwagon!

What next. I did not see any bond with Huazheng. They had to chat because they shared a room and possibly a bed. They shared Parents because Winnie's Dad thought she was better with Mother figures and also Father figures who were home more. I think Huazheng's Dad was a farmer, a business on his land. Huazheng seemed like a bitch who only cared about what treats she was getting, no care for anyone else, including her young Brothers. Although she remained terse and disdainful about world views she had tired of (I get it), I was amazed she grew into a woman who fought for something that benefitted countless others.

Some people aren't warm. The bitchiest lady on our street as kids was a church goer, the kind who asked her adopted children only to play gospel pop music. That is fine, her Daughter and another girl in school, gave me David Bowie 12" singles and a Corey Hart scrapbook. I appreciate them.

To try to clarify Winnie's Father more, I really got the message that he was mentally willing his Daughter to show independence and an opinionated backbone, while knowing their culture taught them to be meekly respectful. I could hear him urging "Please, I know this family is terrible but I can't comfortably contradict a matchmaker if you don't give me a sign you were pressured or find it undesirable in any way".

This was a society that trusted matchmakers to put serious work into their choices, not leaving it to a deck of fate cards. He trusted matchmakers to have looked at Wen Fu's family background and needed Winnie to say if she was fine with it or not. He would not have asked if he knew they were a morally good family. He didn't dare ask more obviously or urge more strongly because they had just met, since toddlerhood. They had no relationship to reach past the manners of "sitting and agreeing with elders". When they did live together, he was warm and hid money to help set her free from Wen Fu's stupid family at last. It wasn't because things were desperate. It was because they had a relationship, a desire beyond her being his child in name, to help the loyal Daughter he now personally knew.

Thankfully not desribed at all, the attack on Winnie was similar to the out of nowhere shock of Danru being gone. We had gone through crap in this novel, she had an airline ticket, and was almost in her new home. Who opens a door without looking, especially after telling Wen Fu off? Who easily finds out where she lives? How likely was a full household to be empty, moreso when helping Winnie prepare for a trip. Why not hit or threaten her, why a damned assault. Because Amy wanted to add a stupid question "who is the biological sire".

I hope I was clear the uncertain sire did not "bother me" in the slightest and I never said it did. The assault angered me, with respect for anyone tortured by a terrible act and because Amy threw it in during the happiest, most unlikely period of freedom, support, and solidarity. It is simply wise to know your biology and history. One test and she can accept or be relieved either way. Not knowing is stressful, hearing an unwanted answer and moving on is a relief. Finding out Jimmy provided her DNA is the best reason to test.

I don't know how other women standed Wen Fu. He was abusive to them too but could not claim spousal ownership, I guess. One part of the novel that was creative and very well done is that he was so reprehensible, Winnie was relieved that another woman kept him away from her. She befriended the actress and was entertained by her singing and performance talent and stories. What a gift during war. They played records and Winnie returned them to her, with thanks for her friendship and the relief the lady brought to her. You want music, dancing, jokes, laughter, play-acting, and fun during hard times.

I know arranged marriage seems distasteful to our cultures but it is not forced like movies or stories make it sound. If you are born into a mindset that is acceptable and have a say in it, it doesn't seem bad. You might consider that a lot of people who marry out of love or attraction, might commit themselves too quickly anyway. It is a solid idea to check people's backgrounds, career and financial records, criminal records for that matter. Consider what they have to offer in stability.

I worked with an Indian woman who had very modern Daughters. They knew and shared their Parents' customs and the story of their Parents being betrothed. Her eldest Daughter (all of them born in Canada) had no interest in university. Rather than live with her Parents in her 20s until she figured out what she wanted to do, she asked her Parents to set her up with a potential husband. It was like meeting and dating anyone, with the benefit of two sets of Parents checking each other out first. They dated and got to decide if they liked each other or not. They might have fallen in love first. They did and they married. Our cultures aren't necessarily better for meeting by accident, falling in love, and making big life decisions, going entirely by feelings. We just want free choice, to not feel like it was arranged. Don't believe movies.

The problem for most people, who don't believe in dating a good while or living together before marrying, is that it is difficult to see a problem before you marry. Then you don't want the bad feeling of a divorce history. Winnie had had no chance to see that Wen Fu was trash and tell her Dad "get me out of this, if you're okay with it".

A great fictional example to consider what you would do in modern, free speaking circumstances, is Ross' wedding with that terrible Englishwoman, Emily. I hated her like most people and no one twisted her arm to hastily marry someone on a romantic whim. That week or so they spent together was the only time she wasn't a bitch. However, I felt sorry for her only from knowing that Rachel was Ross' dream girl and he should not have proposed to anyone, until she was over Rachel or certain they could not be together. Obviously the "saying the wrong name" episode is because Rachel WAS ready to be with Ross and he happened to commit to this visitor willy nilly.

What would you do, if you realized your partner's heart was elsewhere but your Parent's had paid for a wedding and all the guests were there? Let's say you weren't at an altar with a minister awaiting an answer to vows. If you discovered a problem with your partner after a wedding was arranged, not on the day but some time before.... would you go through with it as Emily did, out of embarrassment to cancel and wanting to respect your Parents' efforts?

I could not wed without taking a partner aside and asking "Do you love someone else? We'd better not marry if you do. It doesn't matter that you aren't dating them. A marriage won't work if your eye occasionally looks elsewhere, or wishes things had worked with someone else". It would be awkward but I'd have to cancel everything, if a partner admitted that. I would ask them out of care for me, to be very honest and admit the truth, as well as to spare themselves resentment or wasted pain.

Since there was no opportunity to see, Winnie's Father should have said what he knew about that family. It was his right to weigh in his opinion. I would be surprised if their custom was to leave everything to a matchmaker and not consult every Father. He thought "Show your personality". He asked Winnie to speak freely and consider how she felt in her gut. He urged her not to answer what she assumed he wanted to hear. Didn't you sense that? It was a lot to ask a girl who didn't know him. It is true that she needed information and her Dad's guidance.

I fed the birds and made good progress cleaning the library while I was there. There is a long table under the window with books on top and underneath. Several family boxes were on the floor in front of it. All I need to do is move the boxes under the table, sweep the floor, and shake out the entry carpet. I will fold up the table and put a bookshelf there that had stood on the library carpet. That barrier removed and the bookshelf being ready for storage, I can set to work in there seriously to clean it. We'll need to move things out of our house temporarily when our new windows come next month. What I clean in this office and our bedroom this week-end is very helpful too.

My intelligent friend, you are raising discussion material to consider like I hoped, opening it quite widely. As a storyteller, drawing from known things more than composing fiction as I want to learn to, examples occur to me from everywhere - includine the sole soap opera I watch. Uncannily, it started in 1973 and follows my entire presence on Earth. You may have seen the blog post years ago that Mom's Dad got me into it, which I wouldn't have dreamed because he was a loud but jolly intellectual. Dad's Mom followed several, cutely called "her stories" like many North American elders do. However, the wide range of people who watch "Y&R", including Ron's folks for pete's sakes, surprise me.

The winter I travelled to the Caribbean, my friend's family turned it on the TV too. Let me tell you, when you have black friends, there is NOTHING more fun than reacting to and commiserating on a soap opera! We all mutter and tell characters off. My habit is using the computer when I get up: work, writing, correspondence, our discussions, reading and book logging, label making, file saving, anything.... and being off in time to watch "Y&R" over lunch. I watch my PVR taping of "Late Night With Seth Meyers" (call him dessert, mmmm!) and any odd or end that recorded. Then I set about yard or house work, watching our cats play outside all the time. Speaking of which, I need to put out the birdfeeders, which Ron leaves for me summers while the wonderful black bears are awake in the world. I'll post these musings and will return for book replies, with you asleep if not hibernating, on your side of the world.

There is a lot to say in e-mail privately. I have a good bit of catch-up on our book conversation first, since you made up for dropping off by holding down the fort without my input for several days. Yes, August 15th is coming too quickly. I wasn't sure if the date stuck with you. It also reminds me of those several birthdays to get moving on: my Sister-in-law, two Cousins (who are Sisters) at each furthest end of Canada, and one dear friend.

You mentioned my friend's Sister's name by mistake in e-mail. I met her at their Mom's 102 year service. Her much younger Sister is my lifelong friend. I loved meeting her big Sister, a war survivor and the only remaining child of their Mom's escape from it. In China, everyone was at risk; there was no religious or cultural distinction, even though they too have spirituality from which to choose.

Respect for my friend's family and my Parents' doctor / author friend is why I do not tolerate most fiction drawing from war time. It was not "interesting, romantic, thought provoking".... the reason is using a popular theme that will sell. It does and readers have to put a stop to that. Not for selling a romance, drama, mystery, fantasy. spy adventure. Amy Tan has a family or cultural line, her purpose being to show what war was like, especially a less covered one like China's horrors.

You posed an interesting question about Pearl's Brother (name?) and Amy Tan probably simply stuck to the characters of her story. She wanted Jimmy to definitely have contributed a pregnancy or two, or wanted Pearl to have a Sibling experience, which I think she referred to a couple times. However, rather than have readers complain of a two-dimensional character, she named him and went no further.

Having read two Kate Morton and Susanna Kearsley books many years ago, whom I enjoy but wince at how much they overdid sidebars, I recently experienced "The Stand" pushing superfluity to the max. He reduced Kate and Susanna's expansive habits to feeling like they had the brevity of comic books. I like a limit of two protagonists (except the Raven and Sisterhood friends). Time is saved when other characters are sketched in through their voices.

This book was not only about Moms & Daughter. It included Winnie's Father and her Son Danru in the emotional scope. This one was about all kinds of family (the subject I hinted I look forward to savouring with you).

What I find interesting is that Amy is not a mystery writer, I don't think. I have several more of her books ahead. As far as I know, she is a general fiction authoress, or some other sub-genre. Mystery is a format that demands sticking to the pieces you need and keeping the pace trucking. However, a professional authoress of any genre knows to tighten story threads to the essential parts.

Thinking about it, he had no questions about his Mom's traditions or hovering over his well-being, so we averted a character having dialogue here and there for no reason except painting a Brother into the picture. There are characters on "The Young And The Restless" who are so pointless or uninteresting, it has to be a contractual obligation to give them scenes once in awhile. It is obvious that they have nothing to do but run into other characters and exchange lines about nothing at all.

I have just had the idea to bounce this question back to you. Why did Amy not give us Jimmy in present day? Her past could have been shared with us, with a living and loving husband in the mix.

I am up early! Feeling ready, with relaxing Petal and chipper Angel to start our day, as we sent Ron to work. I am going to review a good many leftover books, enjoy good food, clean, and trim two more bushes. They are looking nice around our home. Preparing mail parcels should clear space. Lorraine awaits her birthday gift really because I needed to add a letter and August birthdays are around the corner. So is dear Dad's Heaven date, I can't believe it already, in a week.

I will answer your question and recent input. After a break perhaps, I will go over what you wrote prior to me chiming in again.

Yes, I ploughed through "The Stand" as fast as I could. It is done. I am glad I read it but won't read it again, although I seldom read things twice. The exception is novels from childhood up to twenties, which count as new for scarce recall. You aren't liking any horse books lately, not just the ho-hum ones I sent, which I thought you would like better than I did. I can't wait to read why not. I watch for your reviews and value the sweet words on mine, Kerri.

Your Parents don't freak out about health, after worrying about you all your life until recent years? I had a fall at such a young age I hardly recall it and they worry about damage all the decades through! Must be nice! If there had been concern I would value their support but not before I knew if there was any problem. When my Parents had to stand up to serious concerns for themselves or us, they were formidable and resolute.

Their faith helped them and us a lot, even if it started with religion. That's where people thought you went to look for God. That is the place from which they taught me about Jesus, God, and faith. I merely removed the middle man, the institution. It occurred to me last night that you might be interested in some of the pivotal books that opened me to the freedom I discovered, if I have spare copies. We will elaborate in e-mail, indeed.

I love Pearl's respect for their culture and her Mom's participation in their modern one. I like novels where immigrants do not complain about children embracing their birth country or present residence. I am naturally, powerfully interested in our ancestors but my Parents pushed no interest in Ireland, Germany, Scotland, Holland, French, Métis. How about your Parents?

I was moved that just the right statue came to Winnie, unique and unprecedented. She warmly told Pearl it is for fun. Winnie did not need her Daughter to believe in a kitchen God or wife and did not mind if she did not. However, Winnie thought if it protected her Daughter at all, go for it and Pearl warmly received the gesture of protection and heritage. A tradition of China and the stand under it inherited from her Great-Aunt. The power was in the love & warmth between Mom & Daughter, like all healing and protection are. What we imbue in prayers and gifts we give is important and full of healthy, connective vibrations.

Yes, the understanding and closeness after Winnie & Pearl emptied what was on their minds for each other, was lovely. A sequel, please! I am going to bed to read but look forward to seeing our conversation moving in the morning.

Health scares are private. If it is not serious or there are no symptoms, it is your business to brook no opinions. Pearl had good reason for this policy: the Cousin who did know blabbed to her Mother and both of them were annoying, looking at her like she might fall over for lifting a fork.

If there is nothing they can do or life isn't short, I approve of not worrying Parents or Siblings. We hate worrying loved-ones and deserve to deal what there is without tamping down someone else's heavy reactions. I had a health scare decades ago and through prayer or an incorrect reading, the follow up revealed nothing at all. It was good not to worry my folks, who didn't let up easily.

I tumbled down stairs when I was little but came out all right. My whole life, my Parents were supicious about damage without any foundation for it. That was fifty years ago, on a cleary healthy woman! A "not shut up about it" intrusion was Winnie's right to avoid. Aren't your Parents like that or is your new health marvelled at and accepted?

It happens that sharing with her Mom felt right and was welcomed. The workings of the ailment are unfamiliar, with no cures offered by western medicine, experienced too often. Here, it made sense to open herself suggestions and Winnie said "Trying Chinese Medicine is a must".

I wish Amy would write that sequel about Winnie & Pearl going to China. It would be a fresh new trip is discovering and sharing, a joy without war, any violence, or loss! Perhaps her Brother could come and no longer be two-dimensional. I appreciate keeping characters to a minimum. There would be space to add him. I love that their Dad, Jimmy, was an American who spoke Mandarin (I suppose) and shared the Chinese heritage.

It would be enlightening to raise interesting questions, broad ones like "Do you think Winnie would have tolerated Wen if she were not in a war". How about "Why did Winnie not tell her kids about past torture, so she could exorcise it for herself and be calm in her joyous life? Her husband knew all about it". My Mom discussed most things about herself because she wanted to be understood and for us to know her, which included bad things she overcame. Give me big or general questions, if you think of them. I have saved my favourite conversation and favourite part of the novel, besides Winnie loving all her kids and falling in love.

Meanwhile, let's start our Amy Tan discussion with the crappiest element first, which I agree not to detail. You bet, seeing the information once was enough. In case I only answer some of the conversation, you will have something from me to work with. I'll jump to various statements about Wen Fuckhead. Wrap him up to organize content, instead of chronologically. Helping me recall the story after a lapse has worked with you writing first.

His Son was afraid of him on principal but unharmed. He was horrible to his Daughters. Lightly smacking a kid or pet who was obstinate or causing danger, I get. A parent loses their cool sometimes. Never hit a baby! They entirely need their parents and have to count on feeling safe with them: feeding, changing, breathing freely, and to support their precious little heads. The trauma of a baby not brushing it off but guarding herself from a Father before we are old enough to do that, tells you have terrible it was. Rage bad enough and lack of keeping it checked or reduced could be felt by a beautiful little soul. I already hated him. After that instant, I wanted him dead.

Maybe housemates missed that action that time but they surely saw the baby's fear. Bullshit about whether or not it was convenient in wartime or disapproving to divorce goes out the window. Protecting children comes first. Protecting women was enough before that happened. The men, friends he respected living among Wen Bastard and witnessing the scared children, should have thrown him out bodily and asserted that he dare not return or approach any of them again! They were military, they had guns, they were his only friends.

Please help me remember if that precious infant was the one who lost her life because the doctor was not fast enough. One girl went to Heaven as a baby. I think the infant who was afraid grew up to be a toddler but is the one whose symptoms were ignored. What desapair of a Mother confronting the doctor at a card game! She did not need a husband's approval to get emergency help. I am sorry she lost those two children, one needlessly.

I will conclude in this session by clarifying that of course we knew her Son did not make it to the United States. Losing him at all was not my complaint. He survived a war, a murderous Father, strained household, and fleeing with his Mom to a safe home. I would have reluctantly understood if he had perished through any of those major things. I criticize Amy's stretched advice, that felt wrong, to have him die over an illness we did not see. It was deux-ex-machina to me; an author deciding these pre-war children and Helen's first husband would be written out. It was done shallowly. Had he not taken the train, he would have lived. It was a poorly written, implausible, needless death. He is a beloved character deserved better: an end we could come to grips with a mourn with sad comprehension. I hope you get me now.

I love that this child is in photo albums. I wish we had seen Jimmy in the United States for awhile but appreciate the apartment time. It was lovely.

I stiffen if I hear of anyone getting religious because I know firsthand, the unintended judgement and hypocrisy. Most folks, well meaning, are a little brainwashed if they follow a religion seriously. No one notices that they are worshipping the church's rules, instead of simply worshipping and building a bond with God. They think God made the rules of various religions and that they speak for Him / Her. Thankfully Jimmy was leniant and willing to lie to get her out of China. However, Winnie subtly conveyed that his letters became more about God than anything else. We who love Jesus / God without rules do not need to wave a flag or conform to any rituals. However, I understand you meant to say he was better than what you have witnessed too.

Yes, I am glad we knew the violence and heartache were over when we joined Winnie in Pearl's time. I think she had a Brother who was glossed over. I feel it goes without saying that Jimmy is her Dad through and through. However, I have always deemed it important to know your biological roots. Medically, physically, perhaps there are ancient relatives who weren't creeps. Put it this way: Pearl wonders if the creep of all creeps might be her biological source. Limbo or shrugging it off is unsettling.

If it was him, not wondering anymore would free Pearl to say "Okay, I am glad I am not like him. I am glad I had a real, loving Dad". The wondering is gone and she settles down the knowledge in her mind and heart. The great part is that she might learn her biological Dad is Jimmy too. She would not be sorry she tested herself and would be amazingly glad she did, if it went Jimmy's way. You could DNA test in the 1990s.

I finished the uncut 1990 hardcover "The Stand" and feel like a proud marathon running for achieving this accomplishment. I have a lot of criticisms of that book, very close to receiving two stars, that I would love to discuss. I wonder if I should make a thread for anyone who wants to pop in on that anytime. I know most people loved it and am going to explain what I found to be weak. I think I am giving three stars for the major life considerations and character sympathy. As a writer, I see clearly that he failed to explain major things, like Herbert Wells and cancelled out prophecy and the need for any characters to travel to Las Vegas. Now, I will focus on a book that was more ugly and violent but whose journey I appreciated: "The Kitchen God's Wife".