Take Two Verses and Call Me In the Morning

A college student once asked me how God could allow Scripture to hurt people. “God’s too powerful to allow his Word to be abused,” the young woman pointed out.

We evangelicals have such a reverence for Scripture that we assume that the Bible can never be manipulated. We defend this evangelical idea with passages like Isaiah 55:11

So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty, Without accomplishing what I desire, And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.

Out of context, Isaiah sounds like a “Get out of jail free” pass. It sounds like the Bible will always do what God wants (comfort, heal, restore, save). Maybe you’ve thought this, too. Just get a Bible verse in and God will make the seed grow. It’s not our fault if the recipient doesn’t follow God; they were just rocky, or thorny, or shallow soil. The Bible becomes our “parting shot” to ensure we are giving God a chance to “accomplish what he desires” in their lives. But, the Bible doesn’t work like this.

God’s words can be used to tempt and harm others. That’s how spiritual abuse works. Spiritual abuse uses God’s word and God’s reputation to do our own dirty work.  Satan was a masterful spiritual abuser. He used Scripture to tempt Jesus (see Matthew 4). So we know it’s possible. But spiritual abuse can happen by anyone who takes God’s name (and word) in vain.

But not for me, you might think. I love the Bible. I care about God and his church. I want to help others. 

Despite our hope to help, we can misuse the Bible. I want to share a specific verse we often misuse. Even when we intend to comfort, if we’re not careful, we can accidentally re-victimize others with this passage. We need more than good intentions to use the Bible well. The Bible is a sword (as Hebrews 4:12 puts it), we must wield it carefully. God doesn’t want us to swing this sword incautiously, especially around peoples’ hearts.

A Dangerous Cocktail

Sexual abuse and spiritual abuse often link arms to harm thousands of men and women. When a man teaches you that to obey his authority is God’s will and then asks you to compromise your sexual privacy, you have sexual and spiritual abuse working together. Too many women (and men) face this cocktail of abuse. It leaves them disintegrated in their souls (psychologists call this disassociation) and disconnected from other Christians (many cannot step foot in churches where the abuse took place or the abusers remain empowered). These powerful souls (for spiritual and sexual abuse often targets the most sensitive to God) are in our communities. If that’s you, please take a moment to consider how we at Soulation can help you come home to your faith (Check out Freedom Builders, the safe Christian community where I pastor and uproot spiritual abuse).

If you know sexual abuse survivors, you know the desire to help. Sometimes we rush in too quickly. And our advice can sound like we’re saying, “Take two verses and call me in the morning.” Instead, what most survivors need is the experience of us entering their suffering.

Survivors need to know that Paul’s words about a “fellowship of sufferings” mean their tears and depression won’t scare us into fixing them (Phil 3:10). They need us to become the fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers to listen and value their stories.

If we really want to help, we must become more sensitive to our habit of prescribing the Bible without listening closely. We never want to interrupt a person’s sexual abuse story with a neat and tidy Bible verse. I’ve gathered three Biblical passages that we need to use more cautiously, not because the Bible fails to be useful and good, but because the Bible has been twisted to mean something it doesn’t. Please know that I still believe the Bible is true and inspired by God. I also believe we must ask God for wisdom about how and when to quote his words. There are, of course, many good verses to share with anyone who’s experienced sexual abuse. Look for one of my favorites below.

Verse 1

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”

It wasn’t a faceless disease or natural disaster that ripped the sexual abuse survivor’s world apart; it was a human. In 50% of sexual abuse cases, this human was a family member. So sexual abuse is an incest problem much before it’s a “stranger-danger” problem. The intimacy of this problem is perhaps what keeps so many from facing it.

Incest is something no one really jumps up to discuss. Incest brings up all kinds of unresolved questions about our own sexual awakening, mistakes, victimization, exploitation and parenting. Philippians 4:8 can tempt us to (falsely) think the best way out of incest is to stop thinking about it. Just quote Paul’s “Think only on what is honorable, pure, lovely.” Presto, God doesn’t want you to think about your pain anymore. We make the verse say, “If you ignore the wounds, you’ll be healed.” We make God complicit in denial. 

It works like this:

Honey, incest isn’t honorable or pure or lovely. So, stop dwelling on it. Keep whatever horrific thing you endured to yourself. No one wants to hear how your uncle fondled your breasts when you were a teenager.

And that “no one” seems to include God. Those italicized words, often spoken as a helpful hint, are actually a honey-coated version of sexual and spiritual abuse. It leaves the survivor stuck without recourse to human or God’s help.  This beautiful verse ends up misinterpreted and silencing the suffering. It’s a lie to imagine that Paul only wanted us living in denial like UniKitty in The Lego Movie. See how the verse becomes propaganda? Brainwashing survivors to forget Paul’s first criteria. “Think about whatever is true.”

Did your uncle touch you like that? Did your father ask you to do that? Then, your sexual abuse truly happened. And God will be at your side as you find the courage to think about it, he will walk with you to find someone (see the resources below) to help you out of this life-shattering event.

It was the abuser who chose to act unlovely, impure, and without good report. The keeper of this verse exposes the abuse with the light.

For when light exposes darkness, the light is always pure, lovely, and of good report. That’s what Paul intended when he wrote Philippians, but that’s not how survivors hear his words. 

In reality, I know the God of Israel isn’t as shocked as we are with incest. When you read the Bible, you see incest for what it is. God doesn’t sweep sexual immorality under the rug. The Bible forbids incest in all its forms and show the generational devastation of its shameful effects. The Bible also shows how God helps victims heal. It starts with loving God and letting this pure and trustworthy love enter your life. 

God wants you to let his love shine on those most shameful and buried memories so he can restore what the abuser took from you. In fact, if you’ve been broken by abuse, God says he is near to you BECAUSE you’re broken. See Psalm 147:3:

He heals the brokenhearted

And binds up their wounds.

If you (or someone you care about) has suffered through sexual abuse, consider the patient and careful work of therapy to help you reintegrate what you have lost.  If you are nervous to start therapy (and who isn’t?), see my post “How to Find the Right Therapist.” If you have suffered at the hands of “biblical” counselors, see Dale’s post “Does Biblical Counseling Bring the Freedom You Need?”

I can highly recommend the following licensed therapists as I know them personally. Regions they service are listed first.

Los Angeles, Orange County –   – 720 897-5277

Virginia, Texas, Colorado – Dr. Sally Falwell – 214-810-1718 – sfalwell@legacyacc.com

Seattle –   – 425-487-1005, xt 213 – RMoore@meierclinics.com

There are a few more verses I want to share that we misuse to silence the abuse victims in our communities. Next month, I’ll share the abuse of 2 Corinthians 5:17. It’s another verse sexual abuse victims hear differently than you might expect. Subscribe to my monthly posts at right so you don’t miss it.

All verses are in the New American Standard Version.