Focus…

Ugh. Where have the weeks, days, minutes, seconds gone? It seems like Christmas was approaching and now we are almost to March. I still haven’t gotten anywhere with my next book.

My personal life has placed my writing career on the backburner. I have to get balance back in my family before I can proceed. But how do I get balance, when writing is my balance?

My son with autism is struggling with so many personality and behavioral issues. I honestly believe he will be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder when he comes of the age 18. (right now, they cannot diagnose him with that since he is not an ‘adult’) My house is either tiptoeing on eggshells or a warzone. I have grown exhausted of walking on eggshells in my own house!

Getting him on the bus has become a nightmare as well. He now finds it funny to run off and/or lay on the ground & refuse to get up when the bus arrives. When he misses the bus, I then have to take him to school. Once we pull up, he is darting out of the van and away from the school laughing. Him running off is a game. A game that I do not want to play and a game that can end horribly.

Admitting him to a psych ward proved to be…a waste of time. He manipulated the staff and showed them no outbursts, except when I came to visit him. However, his behavior isn’t just with me. His behavior is now directed towards other family members, ‘pretty women’, teachers and classmates. He no longer cares who he hurts. The more upset someone is the funnier it is.

One moment he is angry and the next moment he is crying saying ‘I don’t want to be bad!’. His tears are genuine, but heaven forbid, I don’t hear or see him crying to ask ‘what’s wrong?’ because he goes back off the deep end. He has to be the center of attention no matter his emotion, time or place.

My sweet angel has become a child I barely recognize.

If we are friends and I am distant, I assure you, it is not you. My own personality is seeping through my fingers and I find it hard to gather myself. It is my hopes that this storm will soon pass. Just hang in with me for a little bit longer…

S.E.Isaac