Another Day in Paradise

9:34 am
Skeptical Megan is skeptical. My body is feeling the affects of my last two days of pushing hard. I
woke in the middle of the night and stayed awake for a couple of hours. It was hard to get out of bed this morning. My back, both my knees and my elbow hurt. It's a beautiful day, and I'd really like to walk to work today, but I'm afraid if I do, I woke be able to function properly the next few days. It's another long workday with my shift then a two hour event following.

I have an hour to make up my mind...more later.

12:57 pm
I opted for walking. the day was too beautiful to waste. If I'm going to skip the walk, I'd rather do it on a gray, rainy day. Plus, I get to admire the view. There's a walking/biking path on part of the route to the wine shop. It's shorter that walking the busy commercial street.

I lightened my load today by leaving my computer at home. I put the files I might need at the shop on my external hard drive and packed that instead. Also, I opted for tennis shoes instead of Uggs. I love my Uggs and they're comfortable, but not for walking 2 miles. I packed a pair of Mary Janes to change into. Once again also packed hair product, makeup and deodorant.

At just under a mile in, again, my middle aged hips screamed. I ignored them, knowing they would be numb after a little more walking. Everything else felt pretty good, especially my feet.

People gave me funny looks as I trudged my way to work. I supposed maybe I looked a little funny, flowy pink and white blouse, black skirt and tights, cross trainers on my feet, backpack slung over my shoulders, elbow brace in place. My hair (which all of a sudden seems very long) flew out behind me in the light PNW breeze. I forgot to bring a hair band for my walk to keep it out of my face and to keep my neck from sweating too much.

I actually got a honk and a kissy sound from a passing driver. People actually still do stuff like that? Cat call and such? It was flattering, even if I totally ignored him.

My mail carrier friend, Jason drove by and waved. Nice to see a friendly face on my journey.

I know I'm close to the shop when the sidewalk flattens out. I'm glad I decided to walk. In the shop I stood in front of the fan for a few moments, patted my face with a paper towel, grabbed a glass of ice water and changed my shoes. Close to 6,000 steps before work again.

It's kind of gross, walking to work and getting kind of sweaty and stuff. But I think my pack would be too heavy were I to bring a complete change of clothes with me. For now, I'll just opt for the paper towel pat down.

I'm a bit fearful about how I'll feel tomorrow. The good thing is it's Sunday, and I don't have to do anything if I don't want to.

Living with CFS is difficult sometimes, as I've mentioned before. Every day is different. I think the hardest part is the lack of understanding by others. I've had people ask me if I want to do this or that, and I'm like, "I can't because of my medical condition." Usually I get laughed at. I don't look sick. But I never feel fully rested. My body urges me to slow down, or stop even. I'm lucky, because I am able to work, while many who suffer are wheelchair bound or bedridden all the time. Don't get me wrong, I've had days when I couldn't get out of bed, but mine happen mostly when I overexert myself mentally or physically, or I'm dealing with a large amount of stress.

Right now my elbow hurts and I'm a little tired, but I will continue to fight this. I want to work in my yard again, plant flowers, mow my own lawn, keep my house clean, cook. All things that are hard for me to do because of CFS. And I want to get to a place where I feel whole and happy again.

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend. Hey! If you ever see me on my route to work, honk or wave. It will inspire me to keep going.