4 Ways to Stand Up to People Who are Pressing All Your Buttons

“He pushed my buttons…again! When will I ever learn?” If you haven’t said that, or something that means the same thing, you’re either not human or you just don’t want to admit it. The fact is we all have buttons that can be pushed by the right person under the right conditions. Whether it’s your boss, a co-worker, your teenager, significant other or friend, wouldn’t you just love to be able to keep them from pushing your buttons? Here are four tips for you:  

Take your power back
When someone pushes our buttons it’s easy to blame them for how we react. But you know, at least on an intuitive level, Eleanor Roosevelt was right when she said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” The truth is our emotional responses to others are just that—our emotions. If you believe someone can make you angry or anxious, you’ve given your power away to them.

Work on the real problem
The real problem might seem to be the bully or the thoughtless remark by a family member or co-worker but it’s not. Take another look at your buttons and then look deeper. What’s really bothering you? What’s your anger or anxiety really about? Do you feel small and powerless? Do you feel less intelligent than the other person? Do you feel disrespected? What really gets your blood boiling? Now you know what you have to work on. Ultimately, the solution to people pushing your buttons has to be removing the buttons they’ve been pushing.

Practice “Mental Aikido”
Aikido is a martial art, like Judo, that takes the force and energy of the opponent and gracefully redirects it. You can learn to do the same with those who seek to “throw” you. I’m not saying it’s easy because it’s not—it requires you to learn and practice mental and verbal tactics and strategies that put you in charge. When Bruce or Tanya says, “This project is over your head, let me take over,” you have be prepared in advance to say (with quiet confidence) “You can rest assured I’ve got this,” and then immediately refocus your energy on your task. 

Stop the downward spiral
When someone has their buttons pushed they tend to first get angry at the other person. Then they often get angry at themselves for being “such an easy target.” Criticizing yourself only makes matters worse because it attacks your self-esteem and self-worth. Learn to be kind to yourself the way you would be to a friend who just had their buttons pushed. You wouldn’t think they’re a wimp—you’d realize they just haven’t learned the skills to deal with a difficult personality. Give yourself a break; enroll in a webinar or seminar to develop your skills and the next time you’ll keep your cool.

 

 

 

- Alan Allard, Creator of Enlightened Happiness