A Guide To Gift Guides

Chanukah has just passed, and Christmas is around the corner.  Which means my social media is simply chock-full of gift guides and recipes for foods that are so bad for you that I’m proposing we start putting “exercises required to burn this back off” on the recipe as a heads up.  If I want these snowflake-caramel-gingersnap-cheesecake-truffles, but am not willing to do two back-to-back P90X’s for it, maybe I don’t want it enough.  (But oh Lord, I really do want them.)

For example, I will be making these Triple-Ginger Cream Sandwiches.  I will be getting on my elliptical now, and I might just never stop running.

But the gift buying thing really gets me. “Great Gifts for Men,” all seem to be full of things for whiskey, beer, and beards.  Sometimes sports.  And this makes me sad, because I would like things for whiskey drinking, but I’ve been a woman all this time, and I’m pretty fond of that gender association, so I guess I need… *clicks on Great Gifts for Women*… a Midnight Dream scented candle and some more jewelry I’ll never wear.

In the future, we should try making more pastime based lists.  “Gifts for Whiskey Drinkers,” “Gifts for Beards,” “Gifts for People Who Light Candles Regularly” etc.

Can beards be considered a hobby?

Here’s Summer’s List for Santa.  I’m not sure what the name of her gift guide would be.  Murderous Couch Potato?  Traveling Assassin?  Oh, please, internet, please let there be a Traveling Assassin Gift Guide.

Bulletproof vest
Basket of oranges
A travel mug that actually keeps drinks warm
Under Armour shirts and pants
Gift certificate to Outback Steakhouse
Travel guitar
Netflix subscription
Automotive  Care classes
Massage
Fancy bubble bath

Whatever sort of list you might belong on, I hope Santa’s good to you!