I read this book because it scores an A+ on the diversity exams....

I read this book because it scores an A+ on the diversity exams. Black main protagonist, disability/disorder, bisexuality. It also showed up on a list with a bunch of other books I’d recently read recently and loved, so when I found it at my library on the weekend, I was ecstatic. 

And then I started reading it in little doses. Because, although the main story is about a bisexual girl who wants to get out of Nebraska being bullied by her lesbian support/friendship group at school for suddenly going and daring to date a boy, a big part of her identity is anorexia.

And man the depictions of being anorexic, and the mindsets you get pulled into are graphic. And when I say ‘graphic’, I mean ‘accurate as FUCK’. Not just that, but she’s not “as bad” as one of the other characters, so there’s also her personal analysis on how she’s not a “real anorexic” because hell at least she eats. And I just felt guilty for eating and also feeling so. damned. glad. that I can again. 

So, the first half of this book was challenging. And, in a way, I felt disappointed because it wasn’t as well written as The Fault in Our Stars, which is forever my best go-to on challenging texts, but I didn’t feel the same need to keep reading. I mean, I obviously did. 

And then, I don’t know. 

Something changed, and I… It was suddenly this empowering as FUCK story about a bunch of teens who don’t know what they’re doing, where they’re going, but they’re making these decisions anyway, and they are all doing the best they can, and I’m just holding my hand to my chest reading avidly. 

I mean, the main cast of characters all kind of speak like me and my friends, but this really caught me in the second half of this book, because so many of these guys could have been me and my friends, minorities, and people who feel passionately about the various arts. 

Yeah, there were specifics about this book that didn’t gel specifically with me and mine, but that didn’t matter, because it was just such a strong message of be yourself and find your strength and just be, and I loved the hell out of that and wanted more.