5 Ways to Handle Someone’s Anger Outburst

Imagine a large, angry tiger leaping toward you, its teeth bared in a ferocious snarl. As you imagine this, you may feel your breath catching and the urge to run. In the grip of your desire to flee, you lose the battle before it begins. The tiger, able to outrun you, sinks its claws and teeth into your back. 

When you react to a threat, you rarely think clearly and sometimes don’t think at all. If, like most people, your reaction to another’s anger is one of fear, you may temporarily stop breathing or breathe shallowly and rapidly. When that happens, you momentarily lose easy, simultaneous access to both mental hemispheres. Your reaction “pulls” you toward processing information in your right hemisphere, the hemisphere that comes into play when you emotionally react. You become a hostage to your emotions. 

To professionally handle another’s anger, you also need the ability to think and to put your thoughts into language. These functions, along with the ability to strategize and think ahead to future consequences, are located in your left hemisphere. This explains why you may occasionally be unable to speak when confronted by an angry person.

Regain control of your own reaction by slowing your breathing
If you are able to calm yourself by slowing and deepening your breathing, you increase your ability to access left and right hemispheres simultaneously and to couple analysis and problem-solving with emotion. Controlling your initial instinctive reaction thus enables you to respond rather than react and leaves you free to choose whether and how to handle the angry person.

Learn what fuels the other’s anger
Although you can’t expect the angry person to react rationally, as they’re powered by adrenaline, you can learn what ignited them. Listen with an open-mind and put yourself in the other’s shoes. To show them you’re not taking their anger lightly, you might say, “I want to understand what’s making you mad.” Angry individuals calm down when they feel their concerns are being heard and addressed. 

Don’t argue
Your biggest challenge – don’t let other’s words or anger ignite yours. Two angry people resemble hand grenades threatening each other, with one going off and then the other. If you argue, you feed the other’s anger.

Give space
If tensions continue to flare, you may need to give the other person space to allow them to gather their thoughts. You yourself may want to call a time out and exit the argument.

What results do I want here?
Thinking “what results do I want?” and “if I truly want those outcomes, how should I act?” helps you move the situation forward toward a solution. As you listen open-mindedly, search for common ground. If the angry person makes valid points accept them and, if it’s warranted, genuinely apologize.

Follow these five steps and you may find you’ve tamed the tiger.

 

 

 

© 2015, adapted from Solutions. Curry is author of Solutions and Beating the Workplace Bully. Follow her @ lynnecurry10 or on workplacecoachblog.com.

 

 

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