3 Strategies For Handling Drama Kings And Queens

[image error]“Arielle” was sure you gave her a nasty look. No matter how many times you assured you hadn’t, she insisted you had, and dragged you into the bathroom for a heart-to-heart about how badly you made her feel. To get her off your back, you told her you’d take her to lunch for a third time in two weeks.

“Mike” thinks everyone’s out to get him and obsesses about whether he’ll lose his job.  You consider Mike a slacker who needs to focus on his work instead of venting about your boss, Internet surfing, and texting. Even though you know Mike over-dramatizes encounters with your boss, he manages to wind you up when he shares what he alleges your boss says about you.

Drama kings and queens, like hurricanes, whirl through your workplace, sucking the oxygen out of the air. Your escape?

Recognize them for what they are
Drama kings and queens (DKQs) consider the workplace a stage and you an audience. They regale you with woe-is-me crises and exaggerated tales. These ego-gone-wild drama king/queens lack empathy and the coping skills to roll with the punches of everyday work life.

Their deep secret -- they need your support to get through their roller coaster day. Like spiders, they bite without warning, worshiping you one minute and despising you the next. 

Notice what’s happening
At first, the office DKQ may have fascinated you and added excitement to your work day. Her purported vulnerability may have tugged at your heart strings. Soon, however, you realize you’re spending the day putting out the DKQ’s fires. You’re drained, sucked dry of the energy and enthusiasm you need to fuel your own work life. You might feel angry, guilt-tripped, exhausted – all signals you need to change how you deal with the DKQ. 

Trust and act on what you’re feeling. If you let a DKQ continue sucking you into his or her personal issues, you wind up carrying both of you on your back. 

Control the drama
Now comes the hard decision – you know you’re not the DKQ’s personal 911, so how do you draw the line and make them stop?

First, stop rewarding their behavior. If you empathetically listen when they dish the dirt about others, you reinforce their venting. If you rescue them when they act out or take their accusations personally, you enter into their drama. Don’t let your Arielle guilt-trip you into buying her lunch to make up for what never happened. When your Mike says, “Guess what the boss just said about you,” respond, “Let’s you and I meet with our boss and discuss it.” Second, set limits. Are you giving your DKQ open season time? Say, “I’ve got too much work right now.” If they wail, “What’s the matter?” tell them the truth. “This drama scene doesn’t work for me.” If your DKQ ramps up, you can add, “My point exactly.” Then, ignore their continued acting out. They’ll find someone new – and leave you blessedly alone. 

Do you work with a drama king or queen? Recognize them for what they are; notice what’s happening and exercise drama control.

 

 

© 2015, Lynne Curry; Dr. Lynne Curry is author of Beating the Workplace Bully, AMACOM, and founder of www.workplacecoachblog.com.  

 

 

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