Where I feel trapped in the funk...

Bleh.

I don't really know what to say. I don't even know if I want to say anything. I am very over the holidays. I had very little Christmas spirit to begin with and that has all been sapped away...mostly by idiots and some by the girl. A girl I didn't even think I was dating but somehow after two breakups she still thinks we are...where the fuck do I find these crazy people?!?!

I feel like a prison guard...cause the boy got himself grounded till Christmas day...for not doing homework and not turning homework in...the kid is gonna fucking learn that effort means a lot and this school year is effort has not been anywhere near an acceptable level. Dead mother or not I am pretty fucking over it. Its not that he can't do that work just that he won't and that is not something I am going to tolerate.

I guess I just don't like this time of year. Ever since I was 12 or so Christmas lost a lot of its meaning. I saw through the fake interaction with people that I never heard from the rest of the year. I am a child of divorce and Christmas is a big thing that suffers from divorce. I don't want my kid to grow up like that and beyond the terrible divorce we put him through he had to loss his Mother...so I find myself faking a lot of Christmas spirit for him. Putting up a tree, decorating, going to see Santa and all that...He wanted to do Ham for Christmas dinner so I had to buy one, and I will have to cook one, and I will have to deal with it all. I really don't have another choice...I could do what my mother did and just date whoever and forget about my responsibilities to my child but I am not going too. Because I have more respect for myself than all that. My child still deserves to have his childhood, the best childhood I can give him, but to be very frank I do not find a lot of joy in that.