Thoughts On… Kylo Ren, Latch Key Kids, and Being a Parent

Spoiler Alert!

For those of you who haven’t seen Star Wars Episode Seven, there’s a character named Kylo Ren who’s been getting some flack for being, well, not exactly a tough guy. As we know the backstory today, Kylo Ren (then Ben) went to jedi camp, met a dude named Snoke, and decided to join the dark side of the force. And for this, his parents were devastated.

So, this brings up issues for me. You see, I’m a member of Generation X. Our baby boomer parents were the self-proclaimed ‘me generation.’ Mind you, I’m not talking about a handful of parents thinking about themselves from time to time. This era created the so-called Latch Key Kids, children who got to and from school, made their own meals, did their own homework, and then put themselves to bed…All without parental help or supervision. In our generation, if you left camp to follow some guy named Snoke, your parents turned your bedroom into a hobby space and that was about it. No, I am not kidding.

Now, I get where the Baby Boomers were coming from. Many of them were children of first or second generation immigrants. Their parents talked funny. Dressed funny. They made meals with overly pungent odors. No one wanted to be like their visibly [Irish, Polish, Italian, fill in the blank] parents. Everyone was on a mission to discover who they were. The ‘me’ generation was the result. I can handle that.

And I understand my peers who now care so deeply for their children. We are determined that there will never be Latch Key Kids in our collective houses, and for that, I think we are all awesome. We had to define ourselves as well, but without a whole media circus to lead us on the journey. For that too, we are, once again, totally awesome.

But, as Kylo Ren discovered, there is a dark side. I found it out when my son was diagnosed on the autism spectrum at two years old. His first year of life, my kid was top of his milestones. By the age of two, he’d lost all speech and most eye contact. It’s been a long journey for all of us to bring him to where he’s happy, talking more, and connected with others. He’s an amazing and loving child who is the light of our lives. To reach that point though, I had to toss something from my mind—and this was my baggage, not my son’s. It was my idea of who he would be.

Here’s what I’m thinking. As a group, we Gen X-ers know that we’re pretty awesome. We also think we know what’s best for our kids. We encourage activities and friends to set them on the finest path ever. All that can backfire, however. What if your child doesn’t want to be an extension of you? What if they’re too young to choose their own path yet? What if the reason why we’re seeing so much depression in the under twenty-one crowd is that they’re being asked by people they love to be someone they’re not…And they have no clue who they really are anyway. That’s fucking depressing, and I’m not even a millennial.

At least, my fellow members of Generation X and I had the joy of knowing that our parent’s generation were, by and large, selfish assholes with martinis and latch keys. My parents sucked, your parents sucked, everyone’s parents sucked. I knew, like, one girl in high school who was best friends with her Mom. Everyone looked at her funny. I can’t imagine the pressure that kind of friendship must bring to bear. :::shivers:::

Long story short, although I used to raise my eyebrows at Kylo Ren’s angst, I now think I understand it a little better. He doesn’t want to be a good jedi. He wants to be a badass. And honestly, did you see Luke at the closing scene? I wouldn’t follow that guy into a Piggly Wiggly, let alone on a journey of self discovery. At least, Snoke has a master lair that included technology of some kind. And setting aside the whole genocidal aspect of the dark side of the force, why shouldn’t Kylo Ren choose who he wants to be? Indeed, why shouldn’t we all?

Keep wearing black and being yourself, kid. Just lay off the light sabers.

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