Things I Never Do

(My new year’s resolution? 800600.)

~-~-~-~-~-~

As each new year begins, we tend to look back and reflect on the old one. And when I do that, I can’t help but notice how many times I didn’t get arrested.

It seems like some people – celebrities in particular – make a career out of making bad decisions. It’s as if their contract includes a mandatory stupidity clause, right after the part where they contractually have to stand for hours on rented red carpets in LA and grin at reporters.

Of cours...