Feedback Request

I hope I am not overstaying my welcome, but I sent out my first batch of queries (about 25) and got back... one partial request, 24 silence/rejections. I know it's not that many sent, but I read on a few sites that if you dont get a 25% request rate, the query is not good. I found this website so helpful in getting me to where my query is now, so I am hoping you can take a look one more time to see where I might be going wrong? Thanks!


Dear ......,

Sixteen-year-old Theia Bryar knows she’s being kidnapped. What she doesn’t realize is that her abductor is taking her home. On an island inhabited by the Naturae, people who can control earth, air, fire or water, Theia learns why the sun always shines when she’s happy, while thunder answers her cries of anger. She is the daughter of Mother Nature, and has power over all four elements.

With humans desecrating the Earth, the Naturae have been deprived of seen their health and powers diminish. But Theia remains strong, thanks to her father’s human blood keeping the illness that grips the pure Naturae at bay. She’s the only one who can stop the devastation of nature, and has been brought back to the island to do just that.

Immersed in a new world, Theia’s thrilled to get to know her birth mother and learn how to harness the elements, from controlling the tides to conducting lightning. She’s quick to develop new friendships, while exploring a budding romance with Holt, a fascinating yet enigmatic islander.

Although she makes new friends on the island, But soon Theia discovers that life on the island is not as perfect as it seems. Not all of her friends can be trusted, Mother Nature forbids the distraction of a romance with Holt, and Theia misses the father and half-sister she left behind. And then she stumbles onto a terrible secret. Mother Nature doesn’t just want to heal the Earth— she wants to eliminate the threat of humanity completely. And she intends to steal Theia’s powers to do so.

EARTH EYES is a paranormal YA novel which puts a dark twist on the usual perceptions of Mother Nature. It is a standalone novel with series potential complete at 52,000 words.


Notes

I don't think the query is necessarily the problem. Dumping the red and using the blue might be an improvement. And might leave you room for a few sentences about how Theia plans to thwart Mother Nature. But the main problem may be the agents' belief that young adults won't consider a book in which Mother Nature is a main character all that alluring. Maybe if she were a goddess such as Themis or Pomona. Of course you wouldn't want Themis unless you changed Theia to Annie, which I recommend.

Or maybe this is more suited for younger readers. What makes this book too mature for a 12-year-old? Would everything be changed if Theia were 14?