Ask lunaKM – Overcoming the Fear of Being Triggered to Open a Dialogue
Dear lunaKM,
In a nutshell, my question is, how do I know if my masochistic tendencies come from a safe place? My Dom and I have both struggled with mental illness , and as such he has never felt comfortable with anything rougher than biting or hair pulling. However, we have never really talked about it. I would like to open up a dialogue about this, but I fear- as, i have a feeling, does he- that it might trigger me. I also fear that it could trigger him. But I don’t want to leave a stone unturned that could potentially lead to a great experience for both of us. What do you think?
Hello fear of triggers,
Mental illness is a hard subject to deal with, so I’m going to do what I can to help you but I suggest you get some professional help as well if you don’t already. I am not a professional so don’t take what I am about to say as the only answer or the answer that will definitely work. Just use it to work through your own thought process (with a professional).
Often, masochism can have roots that are not from a healthy place. What identifies them is that they only come to mind when you are feeling severe anxiety, depression or a need to escape. That is often where self-harm enters the picture. If you feel that your masochistic desires come from a dark place like that, you definitely should seek medical intervention. But, masochism that is a part of sexual exploration and preferences do not have a negative aspect to them. It’s more about positive feelings, pleasures and enjoyment. Masochism in this instance is a happy experience.
Rayne has written a few posts on dealing with mental health issues in a BDSM and D/s relationship that could shed some light on specific concerns you may have. Here’s the links to her series.
Kink and Mental Health: The Background
Kink and Mental Health: Real Emotion v. Mental Illness
Kink and Mental Health: Can “sub drop” be a trigger?
Kink and Mental Health: The Ethics and Legality of Consent
Kink and Mental Health: Temporary Relief
I understand your fears of triggering and not wanting to talk about it for fear you will trigger yourself. Triggers are an emotional mess to have to deal with. But if you avoid talking about your interests in BDSM and feel that exploring further could really be a positive experience then you definitely should talk about it. Set up time to talk where you both feel safe and secure and it could be easier on you. If that still doesn’t feel right, find a kink-friendly therapist in your area that you can work with. Don’t do this alone if it feels wrong.
Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!
Related Posts:
Ask lunaKM – Submitting when Physically and Emotionally Exhausted
Ask lunaKM – Should I Wait For Him or Move On?
Ask lunaKM Quickies: Where to Blog About Submission, Submissive Meditations and Opinion on Minors in BDSM
Ask lunaKM – How Can I Manage Sub Drop in a Long Distance Relationship?
Ask lunaKM – Are There Subtle Ways I Can Cue My Partner Into My Interests?
Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.
