Life, why are you so…

At some juncture in our life we do get into a situation when we just want to walk out but something stops us. Rohit was in a similar situation, he felt trapped and every attempt to come out of it was not working.

Rohit had a successful life. After finishing his engineering from a premium institute he got placed in a reputed organisation. He was climbing the stairs of success slowly. A successful software engineer, he was well paid and was respected in his team. Life was good and he enjoyed the respect and success.

He was famous in his organisation and people loved him. He was good looking, intelligent smart and had a great sense of humour. “A perfect guy” was what he was referred as by all.

The project in which Rohit was working was growing and new team members were getting added regularly. This was how he met Anamika, she was a new joiner and was assigned in the same team. Rohit was attracted to her at the first instance itself she was different. The confidence that she had, her smile her look everything made her stand apart from others. Rohit was smitten by her. But he was wise enough to control himself, this was a professional set up.

Anamika was a different girl, she was intelligent and gorgeous. Her confidence made her more attractive. She was the perfect example of beauty with brains.

Rohit was falling for her, he used to admire her silently but soon he started getting close to her. He was too caring, she liked the way he use to involve her from day one and never made her feel that she is in a new environment. They soon became good friends and started spending their free time together at office. Meeting at office soon got added with chatting on Whatsapp post office. Both of them were getting close. They started matching their metro timings; she coming from Model town and he coming from Dwarka; they would meet at Rajiv chowk and then board the metro to NCC together. They were getting close day by day. Their post office chats started growing, stealing glances while in office was becoming a habit. They started predicting what the other person wanted and tried making it happen. The closeness was growing day by day and it soon changed into liking for each other.

Anamika was a bindaas girl she didn’t care much about what people feel and she always did what she felt like. Though she changed for Rohit a lot. He was a priority to her and it was always evident. She use to take care of him in return he ensured even her casual wishes would turn into reality.

He always prayed Anamika never ask for the moon, it would be too difficult to bring it on earth he always thought.

Things were moving fine, yes they were in an unannounced relationship. The only thing which was missing between them was the confirmation.

Both were taking all efforts to make the other person feel special, but Rohit was somewhat overdoing it. He was getting emotionally attached to her and had started feeling bad on things which he didn’t see happening. Getting insecure for her was one of the things he developed, he wanted her to be with him when free.

Anamika was cool about this idea, she liked giving space and having her own space. The bomb was ticking and the bitterness started creeping in. Has to happen, Rohit had a lot of expectations from her.

Wrong ones of course; but when you expect you only expect don’t think it is wrong or right.

If they are not met it does hurts even if they are wrong.

For Rohit whatever he expected was not wrong, because he was giving everything for her, wanted her to do the same.

“What’s wrong in expecting, you only expect from those who are close to you.” he used to say always.

Keeping expectations is not wrong but expecting all your expectations would be met is wrong. Rohit never felt he was wrong he was doing everything for her and wanted the same in return.

“For me you are priority so why can’t you give me some priority” he would always complain to her. She tried accommodating but she was slowly reaching her breaking point and now started finding it difficult to manage. Every time she would make plans with her friends he would complain. She was feeling chocked, she liked him and hence she kept trying.

Fights were now a common part of their life. He would react on her not giving him priority and she would react to his reactions.

She was finding things stupid and he was finding them painful.

It was getting hard for Anamika to handle this, she really liked Rohit and wanted to work on this relation but the constant nagging from Rohit was pissing her off. She never liked being forced to do something. If she wants it she would do it else no one can force her; that was her attitude.

Rohit had a more sacrificing attitude. Anamika ruled his life. For him she was the priority, he was ditching all for her and expected the same from her. It was now difficult for him to live without her not being around. The days she was not in office he was not at his best.

He was able to sense the change in Anamika’s attitude.

But was was not able to understand she had stopped meeting him saying meeting you only spoils my mood, but the Whatsapp chat and phone calls had continued.

She was too friendly with people, she had this aura which attracted people. She was a famous girl in the office and she didn’t mind this attention. Her circle was growing exponentially, and this made her give lesser time to Rohit at office post office meetings had already stopped. She even started coming with another friend who live near her place and drove to office. This ofcourse added to his agony for now even that one and half hour time with her was snatched from him.

Going out with her friends was becoming more often and it was only adding to Rohit’s jealousy and pain. He had started feeling left out and their fights had grown. He was feeling unwanted and it was painful for him to see how both of them were getting separated.

Anamika did feel bad about it but she was quite practical about things, she liked him and really wanted the relation to work but not at her expense. She hated making efforts, she wanted Rohit to change and accept her the way she was. Rohit only needed more time and attention from her. He liked spending time with her talking to her but none of these were happening anymore. Whenever he would make any plan Anamika would decline and make plans with her friends. He was hating it but didn’t know what to do.

His mental state was effecting him big way, he kept thinking about her. The old cheerful Rohit was gone, what was left was someone he didn’t know.

He wanted to come out of this state. He wanted to move on, be the same old Rohit he was.

But moving on would have meant leaving Anamika behind.

Which meant leaving one of the best part of his life.

How can he do that? The mere thought of moving on scared Rohit, he liked Anamika and really felt happy being with her, but he was also not liking the state he was in.

He felt stuck not able to decide what to do… his mind said move on his heart said keep trying. He had nowhere to go, he felt like his life was getting into a deep mess with him losing all controls.

He continuously looked for an answer to why life was so difficult…