Thoughts on… Shit I Swore To Do When I Grew Up

My Firmament Scrapbook On Writing…What I’ve Learned About “T...

Thoughts on… Shit I Swore To Do When I Grew Up

As a kid, I made quite a few promises to myself. You know…When I grow up, I’m going to [FILL IN THE BLANK]. Today, I’ve decided to collect some of the most memorable and rate whether or not I succeeded because, why not? It’s better than working!
Let’s get right to it…

Life Goal 1. Eat at MacDonalds Every Day

SCORE: I got an ‘A’ on this Freshman year of college. After that, it went downhill. Current Score: ‘B,’ but for breakfast only. I won’t comment on dinner as a Five Guys has opened up around the corner from us and that’s just not fair competition.

2. Make a Product Called Candy Juice

SCORE: Little did my six year old self realize that there was already a product out there which was candy juice and which I already liberally enjoyed. It was called juice. As an adult, I have moved on to find this drink in its perfect form. They’re called Mochas. I’m giving myself an ‘F’ on this as Starbucks clearly beat me to market here. I get an ‘A’ for drinking them every chance I get, though.

3. (Me at nine) Never eat Chicken, Only Beef

SCORE: I’ve held up to this pretty well. B.

4. (Me at nineteen) Meat is Murder. Eat Tofu.

SCORE: F. Tofu sucks.

5. I used to play ‘Barbie Chairman of the Board’ a lot. She would come in and sing and dance for a Board of Directors made up of Skipper, GI Joe, and Luke Skywalker. I wanted to do this in real life.

SCORE: Turns out, this is how board meetings really go. I have done this often and kick ass at it. ‘A!’