4 Ways to Make Tough Conversations Easier

Like many other people, I used to dread having to initiate a “difficult conversation” with a colleague—that is, a conversation on a touchy or controversial subject, especially if I already had some difficulty communicating with that person.

I had a concern that what I was about to say might:

Not be “heard”—or be misinterpreted or resisted

Upset the other person

Have a negative, lasting impact on our relationship 

But through trial and error—and coaching I’ve received over the years—I’ve learned how to prepare and successfully execute these conversations, and to coach others to do the same.

Here are four ways to make these difficult conversations easier:

Get crystal clear about the result you want to achieve from the conversation 

Getting clear about the intended results of a conversation helps you cut through the fog of concerns you may have, so you can design and steer the conversation to produce the desired outcome.A few minutes invested up front significantly improves the chances of a successful conversation.

Practice the conversation before you have it:

 Find someone to practice with, who will role-play the conversation you are about to have. Act out the possible responses and reactions the other person may have.Act out both roles so you can actually experience what it’s like to stand in the other person’s shoes, increasing your compassion for them.

Acknowledge the other at the beginning of the conversation

It’s likely that the person you’re about to have this conversation with is doing valuable work and is worthy of your appreciation.Letting that person know explicitly that you value and appreciate them and their contribution goes a long way to setting the tone for a productive conversation.

Listen without bias

Rightly or wrongly, we often form some negative opinions or judgments about our colleagues from our experience working with them.These judgments can be viewed as filters that screen out what we are able to hear and act on. In an important conversation it’s valuable to notice any preconceived notions you have of the other person. As you become aware of these biases, put them aside to hear and appreciate what the other is saying. 

The successful resolution of difficult conversations can have a major impact on your working relationships and just follow these four steps and you will be amazed with the results.

—Ilene Fischer, Partner, Mark Kamin and Associates