Two Keys to Stop Self-Sabotaging and Achieve More

A friend asked to talk with me this week because he felt he wasn’t keeping his promise to exercise three to four times a week. He also talked about a dream he’s had for ten years but has done little with. He wanted to know why he was disciplined in some areas of his life and not in others. If you’re not making the progress you want towards a goal or a dream for your life, keep these two things in mind:

Are you sabotaging yourself?

I believe we make the best choices we can in the moment. We mean well and have positive intent behind what we do or don’t do. For instance, the positive intent behind procrastinating might be to feel better in the moment. However, just because there’s positive intent doesn’t mean there’s going to be positive results—at least not in the long run. Are you sabotaging your health goals, your happiness or your relationships in some way? It’s not enough that you want to lose weight if you want other things more—such as wanting to deal with your stress by eating comfort foods. How do you stop sabotaging yourself to make faster progress towards success?

Solution: You’re going to have to resolve your inner conflicts if you want to make better progress. That will take some time and effort and you have to ask yourself if it’s worth it. What will help you stop sabotaging yourself and start supporting yourself with better choices and behaviors? It could be something as simple as the right book, webinar, workshop or several conversations with a wise friend. It could take more than that and it often does. What are you willing to do to get what you want?

Do you need to be more reasonable with yourself?

As a former psychotherapist and now an executive coach and life coach I often talk to prospective coaching clients that are smart and successful—but weighed down with unreasonable expectations when it comes to their progress. One of my clients is super smart and driven and is beginning to learn how to set reasonable expectations for herself. She’s discovered that by understanding her needs and taking care of them she is able to stay energized and do better work and enjoy life on a whole new level. 

Solution: The truth is sometimes you have to slow down to speed up. You can only sprint for so long but if you pace yourself you can go as far as you want. If you want to set a stretch goal to find out what your limits are, that’s perfectly fine. Just make sure you identify short-term steps along the way that you can easily take. Each small step might seem insignificant but they give you the confidence and positive energy to take the several big steps you’ve planned along the way to your final goal. To achieve your wildest goals in life it turns out you need to be reasonable along the way.

- Alan Allard, Executive Coach