I often sit and wonder about Gordon Ramsay.Like, has he ever...

I often sit and wonder about Gordon Ramsay.

Like, has he ever burned anything? Not when he was starting out in cheffery, but recently? “Shit, I burned the grilled cheese!” Mrs. Ramsay looks on, disappointment in her eyes.

No blowjob for you tonight, Gordy.

What is his blood pressure? I mean, Jesus, Gordon. Get a grip.

Are any of his “reality” shows even remotely real? They all look so transparently staged it’s not even funny. Well, maybe it’s funny. Maybe it’s fucking hilarious because people think they’re real.

Boxers or briefs? He seems like a briefs guy. He’s so tightly wound, I couldn’t imagine him wearing anything loose. I bet they’re Speedos, two sizes too small. I’d be on edge all the time, too.

Have we had enough of him and his dozens of shows? Don’t get me wrong. I like the guy and occasionally enjoy watching him as I sit there, before a flickering screen, waiting to finally fucking die, but he’s always on, always fixing things, saving things, holding “competitions”, everything swirling around food, like bloody spittle preparing to go down the drain of a dirty sink.

What kind of a society creates such a phenomenon as Gordon Ramsay?

And how do I get out of it?