Reversing Roles with Adult Children
We guide, we share, we teach our kids from the moment they come into the world. We are the parents, and it’s up to us to set the example. When our children make poor choices and say mean things, we correct them and show them the “right” way. There are years and years of us making a difference in their lives, so they will grow up knowing right from wrong.
Once we have children, we generally put our own inner child on the back burner. But as my children have become young adults, I have noticed glimpses of that inner child wanting to come out, join in, and play again.
I had one such childlike moment this weekend, with my daughter, Nitasha, who is now in graduate school in Boston. She had left me a message on Thursday evening, but somehow, with my busy schedule, I didn’t see it until late that night. Considering the time difference, I decided to call her the next day. Come Friday morning, when I dialed her number, our conversation went something like this:
Nitasha: Hellooooo, Mama.
Me: Whaaaaaaaaat up, Tash?
Nitasha: Good morning, Mama!
Me: What up, child?
Nitasha: Good morning and happy Friday, Mama.
Me: So whaz shakin,’ bacon?
Nitasha: Well, my wise mama once told me that a polite, cheerful, and happy morning greeting sets the tone for the day for the sender and the receiver. She also said using slang and improper English is detrimental academically and socially. And, yes, she always reminded us that bad colloquial habits are hard to break. Wondering where that mama is now!
Of course, we both broke out into a huge belly laugh!
Nitasha was right. There comes a point in the parent-child relationship where we find ourselves on the receiving end of our own words reflected back on us. Suddenly, our kids turn on us, and we hear, “Mom, don’t you think you are too old for that?” or “You never let us say that when we were kids.”
On the one hand, it’s great that they listened to our advice. On the other, maybe we’ve done all the parenting we need to, and it’s now okay to feel comfortable enough with our kids to just let loose. Of course, we all know that once a parent, always a parent. But as our kids become adults, we can find ourselves on a more even playing field. One where we’re comfortable letting our guard down.
Maybe we start singing the latest song a little too loudly in the car, or maybe the latest slang starts to come out of our mouths when we speak to our kids.
Maybe we’ve been doing this parenting thing for so long that we just want to let our own inner child out again, or perhaps we are confident enough that our children have become responsible adults who know how to conduct themselves socially. Or maybe—just maybe—we are getting older, and subconsciously we are trying to go back in time and capture moments that make us feel young and “with it.”
Having just turned fifty, I can’t help but reflect on the words of Victor Hugo: Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.
Perhaps that’s what is. Here I am…in my youth again. A youthful parent with adult children, entering a whole new phase of our beautiful relationship, excited to see what the future holds as we mirror each other into the years ahead.
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