Is Your Inner Four-Year-Old Running Your Life?

Who is in charge of the decisions you make? You … or a quietly insistent, potentially angry, fearful child who lives in your heart?

I ask because it might be time to get to know her.

You know she’s in charge if any of the following ring true:

You find yourself drawn to difficult people in love or work… kind of like all those kids who bullied you in the schoolyard or your tough parent.
You spend money too freely – or perhaps not often enough. You get a physical rush of satisfaction when you act like this, despite any financial or personal mayhem that may ensue.
You eat that last jelly donut or drink the extra martini, even though you REALLY ARE trying to stop. Because … well, it’s been a hard day. (Your inner child is the one who has to have those additional pints of Ben & Jerry’s.)
Financial, career or business chaos seems to follow you around, no matter how hard you try to shake it.
On some level you feel addicted to excitement and drama, even though you ‘know’ it’s draining and debilitating and you’re sick of it.
You have consistently attracted people who encroach on your boundaries in some basic way. And frankly, it’s tough to say ‘No’ to them.
You find yourself feeling mad for no reason sometimes — or anxious, teary or bleak.
You long to do things you can’t get started with. Yes, you’re scared but … why? An invisible barrier seems to block your path.
Procrastination is second nature … though somehow things usually, finally happen. But not without a fair amount of adrenaline.
You buy things on impulse only to return them later – or stockpile them in a room or closet filled with unused items.

Honestly, the foot-stamping or frightened little self who lives in your heart is so entwined with your life that there is little you can do WITHOUT her involvement. And sometimes she feels a little out of control.

For most of us, our inner child is firmly in charge. And she operates like … well … a four-year-old. (Or perhaps one even younger depending on the circumstance of your childhood.)

Decisions get made and impulses followed that mirror that distinct 4-year-old logic. Which is why the last jelly doughnut is impossible to resist.

Our inner child becomes the source of many of the unbreakable patterns that show up again and again in life. And it is not until we begin to work with this formidable power source that things can begin to shift.

For me, I’ve had to spend active time first of all finding my inner child … and then just plain old listening to her.

I began this work in earnest after I noticed I’d attracted a string of difficult women in my life in love and friendship. Yes, they reminded me of Mom; point made.

But there was something deeper going on as well. Somewhere back behind the annoyance and upset I was in was an anxiety, as well as a strange, subtle desire to feel that feeling.

I was experiencing a palpable gut-level fear around these women … the same fear I used to experience as the kid who got bullied at work and by the kids at school. It was all incredibly familiar.

My inner 4-year-old knew this anxiety, this sense that ‘they can strike at any time’, and she knew how to manipulate her way to safety. Oddly, this was my comfort zone. So when I found one of these women it was an auto-Yes to engage.

It’s this kind of recognition that can begin to break the log-jam and end the pattern.

So I have been working with calling my inner child out into the sunlight and getting to know her, day by day. It happens by sitting quietly, tuning in and letting ‘Little [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE]’ show up.

When you do this, you may be surprised how she shows up. In the beginning, Little Susie was pissed; furious really, because I’d shown such a complete lack of interest in her. I was taken aback.

So first I had to just listen while she had a nervy tantrum. But over the weeks that followed, she began to lighten up. And at the same time, I began to tune in to her more and more deeply.

Now I actively say a meta prayer that is nurturing to Little Susie every morning. She sits on my lap in my imagination, and I stroke her head and tell her how much I appreciate her. I ask her what she needs.

Inevitably she just wants me pay a little attention to her. Or maybe take her to the beach.

Moreover, my big take away is that this little girl was just plain bewildered by the circumstances of her childhood all those years ago. And so all that anger I’ve had at myself has begun to finally dissolve.

I no longer need to rant at myself for opportunities missed and mistakes made. Instead, I can be compassionate as I tune into this sweet little soul’s innocent heart. Occasionally Little Susie and I have blown it, and the world did not end. Nor will it as we make more mistakes in the future.

We are all children of the Universe throughout our lives. It is when we can recognize that and feed ourselves accordingly that life becomes more and more beautiful. And so we become more and more transparent, allowing God’s grace to shine through us.

Take a moment right now to close your eyes and say hello to the one who lives within.

Chances are she or he has been waiting for you.

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