And the Oscar Goes to….

Okay, I'm not sure if any of my sisters in whine wanted this topic, but hey, I got here first, so it's mine… all mine!

Yesterday, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences (for the first time, the word 'sciences' jumped out at me. Science? Truly? And what science is there in movies, or is this another Hollywood fame-hoggering move, taking over the nerds as well???).

Sorry, got sidetracked. The nominees for Best Picture are in and I'm going to opine:

127 Hours – I didn't see this one, nor will I ever see this one. It had so many strikes against it, namely: 'arm being sawed off without blood spewage' and James Franco. I know, I know, many, many people really like him. Many, many people also like this Justin Bieber. Also, since I am currently suffering from cabin fever after being snowed in for days on end, with freezing weather all around, I'm thinking a movie set in the Caribbean would be a lot nicer. Will it win? No, because the Academy doesn't like 'arm being sawed off without blood spewage' (see: Silence of the Lambs, where many, many bodily fluids were spewed, including, but not limited to, blood).

Black Swan – Really? Really? Really?? Yes, yes, yes, it's 'art' but ewww….. If this wins, I will be ripping out my cuticles.

The Fighter – STILL have no seen this one, but really want to, but it's not on my OMG can't wait list. However, the Academy likes people who lose weight/gain weight/put on ugly noses, but I don't think it's going to win. But you know, those over-testostoronated Academy voters, they do like their nose-slamming, sweat-flying, slow-motion-sequence boxing movies, so… nah.

Inception – I will see this someday. The kids saw it and really liked it, and eventually, when it's a Saturday night, and everybody is saying 'let's rent a movie,' I will say 'Inception!' but then nobody will want to watch it because they've already seen it. Eventually, I will see this movie, but I will probably have to watch it alone. As for it's winning possibilities, no way. It is a stylistic tour-D-force which never, ever, ever wins, unless… nope. Never wins.

The Kids Are All Right – eh. Again, some Saturday night…. Blah, blah, blah, except that no one in my family has seen this one, so it'll win out over Inception. Will not win Best Picture. No one will be surprised.

The Social Network – Oh, you Academy voters. You wanted to love this cool, jivvy, modern tale with MacBethian overtones, and this flashy Eisenberg with his intense, nerdly gaze. You were swayed by that silver-tongued Sorkin, but on watching the second time, you were confused. You realized you didn't quite understand what is this Facebookery? What is this computer? And worse yet, the hair, the curls! Who was the stylist? Was there no stylist??? I think the Academy is not ready to embrace their inner nerd.

Toy Story 3 – yes, it was cute and touching, and no one tells a story like Disney/Pixar, but no. I love my Disney movies and most of them deserved the accolades. In a poor year, yes, TS3, you might have stood a chance, but still no. You only got nominated because all the children of the Academy voters saw it on the list, and said, 'mommy, mommy! Look! It's Oscar Buzz Lightyear!"

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Oscar Buzz Lightyear!

True Grit – this nomination surprised me as much as the film. I loved True Grit. It was so much more than I expected, but no. It has grizzled, drunken Jeff Bridges (who the Academy adores), but it's set out West, but not like L.A. west, where people drive cars. No, the movie has horses. And did you see what happened to the animals in this movie? I couldn't believe what they did to the animals in this movie. No, True Grit will not win.

Winter's Bone – I have not seen this one, but it sounds very dark with lots of poor people with folksy Southern accents. I will see this one eventually because it sounds like a great thriller. I'm sure the Academy sucked this up faster than pigsfeet on the fourth of July, because this little critter not only has bad clothes/ poor people/banjos, but gawlly—they're all meth-heads, too! Yup. Just confirms what all those L.A. city boys had thought about the state of Missouri. They're a bunch of gun-toting/banjo-playing/meth-cooking/bad-talking/law-breaking/meat-eating yokels. Will it win? Bless its little poverty-stricken heart, but no.

The King's Speech – I STILL have not seen this (because everybody wanted to see 'Black Swan' instead!!), but I'm betting this one takes Best Pic. I predict this one because it's a very civilized, uplifting tale of survival which involves no fast talking, not too much nerdiness, no blood or sweat spewage, because in the end, those hippy-dippy Academy voters are not as hippy-dippy as they want to assume (and both men and women alike LUV Colin Firth).

So, who do you think will win Best Picture? Any surprises? Any misses? Much liked the designated hitter rule, should the best picture nominees be cut back to five? Is this 'everybody needs to be a nominee' part of our Americanized, no-tiger-momma-here culture that rewards almost-good-enough?