Acceptance, the Key to our Liberation.
Everyone wants the feeling of belonging. In fact, next to food, water, shelter and safety, sits our need for a sense of belonging and is in direct correlation to our sense of survival. But survival aside, when we feel part of the whole we have the feeling that everything is “right”. When we feel connected to the Earth, our bodies and others, we feel that essence of true love and order. This is why when we are in a state of emotional turmoil, having friends and family around to console us makes it seem, even if temporary, that no matter what is going on in our lives, everything is going to be alright on some level.
In all spiritual traditions, the feeling of a universal belonging is paramount, and is by design at the very core of all of their teachings. Buddha taught that our suffering comes from our feeling of being separate. Jesus spoke at length about coming into that truth of unity in order to experience true love. The word yoga literally means “union”. If you investigate further you will see that all religions and spiritual traditions aim to awaken that union in us all. When we view ourselves as a separate self, there is a feeling that something is missing in our lives and we develop an anxious state of being. When we don’t feel connected, a sense of shame arises. Shame because we don’t feel worthy of being accepted or loved on some level. We relate to a flawed self. Life is in a capricious world of ups and downs, and when the normal happening of life occur, emotions and sensations that arise, unfortunate events that may happen, we denote these experiences to mean that they are happening to “me” because of “me”, because our flawed selves must have caused these feelings to arise or events to happen. When in fact all humans experience desirable and undesirable sensations and events in life, it is part of being human. When we view that these things are occurring because of us, we begin to fear failure in our lives and that becomes the motivation behind our choices. We become perfectionists and workaholics in an endless endeavor to be accomplished and whole. Addiction and over consumption become a way for us to numb our fears. We push away our uncomfortable feelings. Even in our pursuit of spirituality we often don’t include our feelings of shame, anger and fear because they are so painful at times that we would rather be without them. They make us feel broken, so rather then confront these painful emotions, we develop ways to avoid them in substance or food or activity. One can spend an entire lifetime meditating and never allow it to embrace the feared and shameful experiences of our lives because we think that meditation is designed to get us out of that place. And in essence, “getting out of that place” happens by embracing it. Sometimes clouds arise over our sun, that’s OK, it’s natural, don’t push the clouds away. A common misconception of meditation is that we are to be in a state of bliss and the proverbial sun at all times. The fact is that the clouds of life, the suffering and painful places are just as natural as their opposite pairs, so invite them in and know, like all things, they too will pass.
Often in spiritual practice we find ourselves trying to ascend to higher planes, somewhere above the fears, angers and shames of life. I have been guilty of this myself when I first came to practice meditation. Yet using meditation as a way to escape these states of being, is just as useful as using substance and work. Worry arises when we fear shame, when we fear failure. In times in my life when worry seemed to master me, waking up at three in the morning riddled with anxiety and worry, I would try techniques to get rid of these emotions. I would also think to myself, “OK, I will have to up my meditations at least an hour starting tomorrow, do yoga everyday, eat better, don’t do this and do this”. In effect, all of these things work very well in living a balanced life and allowing you to feel that connection, but the worry was attaching to these practices like a drug that would heal me of my maladies. Instead, when I started to accept the sensations in my body, when I gave them attention and recognition, they lost the power over me that they once had. “I see you worry, and I understand why you worry, it’s OK” I would hold them like a scarred child in my mind. Now when I first started this business of acceptance I would see the worry and note it, “Worry, I see you worry” but I would still have a level of rejection, as if recognizing it would make it go away. That is like watching a person in pain who is crying on a bed and standing over them saying, “Crying person, person in pain” and expecting that to make them stop crying and go away. Instead the person needs understanding. I see you crying, and I understand why are crying, and if I don’t, let me listen, I am here for you. That is the beginning of healing, to touch the core, to accept and understand.
Every human on this Earth including masters like Buddha and Jesus, have experienced the disturbing emotions that you have felt. You are not alone in your pain. By allowing it to be seen and understood is the first step in letting it pass through. Just as we are on our journeys, so too are the feelings that course through our bodies. When they arise, invite them in for tea, sit them down, and talk to them, embrace them. Learn to have compassion for the painful emotions in your life. Although this may seem counter intuitive to all you have learned, although you may think that by embracing worry or anger you will be making them stronger, the truth is, you will be defusing it’s power over you. As John Locke said, “What worries you, masters you”, and the key to the masters shackles lies in your acceptance and understanding. The ebbs and flows of this fickle life are in a harmony that has been occurring since humans have walked this Earth. Yet in how we deal with these states of being, may be the answer to the liberation that we seek. Acceptance can be the gateway into seeing the true connection that lies all around us. The Buddha said that our fear is great, but greater yet is the truth of our connectedness. It is all connected and flowing in certain perfection, allowing yourself to truly accept what is happening in this moment is honoring that perfection. If someone says something that creates anger in you, an emotion we usually push away or grasp at and follow, you have the choice to either allow that emotion to dictate your actions or accept the emotion. I see you anger, I feel you, and it’s OK that you are there. Allow yourself to feel it without the ulterior motive of trying to make it go away. When we learn to live in each changing moment with total and complete awareness, the truth of our connection is evident, life flows and we turn away from the victim mentality and embrace the truth of who we are, limitless and powerful beyond our wildest imaginations.
Once we are able to truly accept the sensations and situations that life sprouts, then we are more able to help others with their pain of separation. Once we are able to begin to live in acceptance, we more easily live our highest truth without getting caught in the melodrama of life.
