Brian E. Miller's Blog

Acceptance, the Key to our Liberation.

Everyone wants the feeling of belonging. In fact, next to food, water, shelter and safety, sits our need for a sense of belonging and is in direct correlation to our sense of survival. But survival aside, when we feel part of the whole we have the feeling that everything is “right”. When we feel connected to the Earth, our bodies and others, we feel that essence of true love and order. This is why when we are in a state of emotional turmoil, having friends and family around to console us makes it seem, even if temporary, that no matter what is going on in our lives, everything is going to be alright on some level.

In all spiritual traditions, the feeling of a universal belonging is paramount, and is by design at the very core of all of their teachings. Buddha taught that our suffering comes from our feeling of being separate. Jesus spoke at length about coming into that truth of unity in order to experience true love. The word yoga literally means “union”. If you investigate further you will see that all religions and spiritual traditions aim to awaken that union in us all. When we view ourselves as a separate self, there is a feeling that something is missing in our lives and we develop an anxious state of being. When we don’t feel connected, a sense of shame arises. Shame because we don’t feel worthy of being accepted or loved on some level. We relate to a flawed self. Life is in a capricious world of ups and downs, and when the normal happening of life occur, emotions and sensations that arise, unfortunate events that may happen, we denote these experiences to mean that they are happening to “me” because of “me”, because our flawed selves must have caused these feelings to arise or events to happen. When in fact all humans experience desirable and undesirable sensations and events in life, it is part of being human. When we view that these things are occurring because of us, we begin to fear failure in our lives and that becomes the motivation behind our choices. We become perfectionists and workaholics in an endless endeavor to be accomplished and whole. Addiction and over consumption become a way for us to numb our fears. We push away our uncomfortable feelings. Even in our pursuit of spirituality we often don’t include our feelings of shame, anger and fear because they are so painful at times that we would rather be without them. They make us feel broken, so rather then confront these painful emotions, we develop ways to avoid them in substance or food or activity. One can spend an entire lifetime meditating and never allow it to embrace the feared and shameful experiences of our lives because we think that meditation is designed to get us out of that place. And in essence, “getting out of that place” happens by embracing it. Sometimes clouds arise over our sun, that’s OK, it’s natural, don’t push the clouds away. A common misconception of meditation is that we are to be in a state of bliss and the proverbial sun at all times. The fact is that the clouds of life, the suffering and painful places are just as natural as their opposite pairs, so invite them in and know, like all things, they too will pass.

Often in spiritual practice we find ourselves trying to ascend to higher planes, somewhere above the fears, angers and shames of life. I have been guilty of this myself when I first came to practice meditation. Yet using meditation as a way to escape these states of being, is just as useful as using substance and work. Worry arises when we fear shame, when we fear failure. In times in my life when worry seemed to master me, waking up at three in the morning riddled with anxiety and worry, I would try techniques to get rid of these emotions. I would also think to myself, “OK, I will have to up my meditations at least an hour starting tomorrow, do yoga everyday, eat better, don’t do this and do this”. In effect, all of these things work very well in living a balanced life and allowing you to feel that connection, but the worry was attaching to these practices like a drug that would heal me of my maladies. Instead, when I started to accept the sensations in my body, when I gave them attention and recognition, they lost the power over me that they once had. “I see you worry, and I understand why you worry, it’s OK” I would hold them like a scarred child in my mind. Now when I first started this business of acceptance I would see the worry and note it, “Worry, I see you worry” but I would still have a level of rejection, as if recognizing it would make it go away. That is like watching a person in pain who is crying on a bed and standing over them saying, “Crying person, person in pain” and expecting that to make them stop crying and go away. Instead the person needs understanding. I see you crying, and I understand why are crying, and if I don’t, let me listen, I am here for you. That is the beginning of healing, to touch the core, to accept and understand.

Every human on this Earth including masters like Buddha and Jesus, have experienced the disturbing emotions that you have felt. You are not alone in your pain. By allowing it to be seen and understood is the first step in letting it pass through. Just as we are on our journeys, so too are the feelings that course through our bodies. When they arise, invite them in for tea, sit them down, and talk to them, embrace them. Learn to have compassion for the painful emotions in your life. Although this may seem counter intuitive to all you have learned, although you may think that by embracing worry or anger you will be making them stronger, the truth is, you will be defusing it’s power over you. As John Locke said, “What worries you, masters you”, and the key to the masters shackles lies in your acceptance and understanding. The ebbs and flows of this fickle life are in a harmony that has been occurring since humans have walked this Earth. Yet in how we deal with these states of being, may be the answer to the liberation that we seek. Acceptance can be the gateway into seeing the true connection that lies all around us. The Buddha said that our fear is great, but greater yet is the truth of our connectedness. It is all connected and flowing in certain perfection, allowing yourself to truly accept what is happening in this moment is honoring that perfection. If someone says something that creates anger in you, an emotion we usually push away or grasp at and follow, you have the choice to either allow that emotion to dictate your actions or accept the emotion. I see you anger, I feel you, and it’s OK that you are there. Allow yourself to feel it without the ulterior motive of trying to make it go away. When we learn to live in each changing moment with total and complete awareness, the truth of our connection is evident, life flows and we turn away from the victim mentality and embrace the truth of who we are, limitless and powerful beyond our wildest imaginations.

Once we are able to truly accept the sensations and situations that life sprouts, then we are more able to help others with their pain of separation. Once we are able to begin to live in acceptance, we more easily live our highest truth without getting caught in the melodrama of life.

 

You are the Boss

It is important to remember that no one is responsible for your pain, your suffering, your joy, or your abundance. You are responsible for it all. You may be thinking, Whoa, that sounds a bit rough. I didn’t ask for these conditions in my life.

The fact is that we can sit around and blame the world for our conditions. We can even blame ourselves, but none of this is constructive. Guilt is a negative mind set that serves only to take away from you and others. What we have created is already created, and wallowing in guilt, shame, or blame will not make it better. In fact, it will serve only to make things worse. You are the boss of your life. You decide if you will take action today toward empowerment or stay stuck in a backward decline of guilt. Each second is a new day, a new chance to turn it all around, so you decide in each moment.

The power of regret far outweighs the power of guilt. Regret in this sense means seeing how something causes us pain and vowing never to inflict that on any other living being. It gives us strength and empathy to not only change the conditions of our lives but those of others as well. Guilt, on the other hand, serves only to create a mind of feeling sorry for ourselves. The mind of guilt says, “I am a bad person,” whereas regret looks into the past and acknowledges it and then thinks, What can I do about it? Here are some synonyms of guilt: fault, blame, sin. Here are some synonyms of regret: repent, mourn, be sorry. So there is no power in feeling guilty. Let us use the power of regret to move forward as opposed to the power of guilt to keep us stuck in cycles of blame. These are just words: it’s the state of mind, the way of being I am describing here.

I implore you to make all of this your own, so it makes sense to your psychology and hero’s journey. You are well on your way and path. Be steadfast. Don’t allow back steps to deter you, for the hero journeys to discover the elixir which he or she can bring back to the people. Gain a resolve for the world, perhaps start with your loved ones: how can you be of benefit if you were more positive, joyful, and full of genuine love to the youth in your life, or anyone for that matter? Working on our self is selfless. The world will benefit far more from a person who is good humored, humble, and strong as opposed to anxious and angry, or whatever the circumstance.

Go forth with courage, be brave and remember: Never give up! Many people have the habit to give up right before the race is over, because they didn’t realize they had about one percent left. Often insecurities sabotage success because they don’t feel worthy. Too often we give up right before the end or before the change. Let’s transform this habit and stay the course for the good of all beings. Because as Gandhi said, “We must be the change we wish to see in the world.”

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The Art of Joy

We have just learned why the brain goes to and clings to negative experiences. Well, the very reason it does this is because it ignorantly believes that by running these negative programs it is fostering our joy and happiness by helping us avoid pain and the possibility of even death. Ironically it brings us pain in the form of worry, anxiety, anger, fear, and so forth. We now know that this is a somewhat perverted and misguided system, so let us look at joy and how the power of joy can transform our lives. The brain wants to go to joy; it wants us to feel good and avoid suffering despite its ignorance in avoiding external suffering through inflicting us with internal mental emotional pains that deplete our ability to enjoy. Yet, it still believes it is driving us toward joy by using these negative mental states to avoid pain.

What we enjoy we will not only do time and again, but we will seek it out. This is why it is very important to bring joy to your meditation practice. Think of something you do not enjoy doing. It becomes a chore. And if you had the choice, you probably wouldn’t do it. When we have this very stoic and serious attitude toward anything, it often becomes daunting, and we might force ourselves on it for a short while, but eventually we will give up. Bringing joy to our practice, however, is paramount in keeping a consistent practice. Tich Nhat Hanh, a meditation master and Zen teacher reminds us that, “if your practice does not bring you joy, you are not practicing correctly.”

Although a few techniques here, especially in insight meditation, can bring us to that painful place where we must confront suppressed pains and emotions, we eventually let them go and feel more joyful and recognize that they were always bringing us a level of discomfort so we can rejoice in uprooting such inflictions of the mind. I have done much purification of negative views, and my brain does everything in its power to divert my attention from it by creating mental and physical distractions to try to keep me from looking at something painful. I even have felt like throwing up or like a burning ball of angry anxiety is looming in my solar plexus, and the brain says, “Hey, stop or you might stay like this.”

Well with gaining clear insight it often takes a bit of facing painful situations, but after doing this several times I invite these practices with joy because I know the lightness and joy it brings in the long run having removed negative beliefs that lurked in my subconscious only serving to deplete the very thing we all seek, happiness and joy. The irony is that, the joy is there, the happiness is there, and these negative views serve only to cover up the joy within us, like a film on a window that we can’t see through. We need to wash away those negative beliefs, and doing this with joy is key. When we sit down to practice our basic breath meditation or whatever your daily practice may be, just bring joy to mind. Note the light, joyful feeling you get when you finish your practice. We do not have to practice hard or get all heavy about it. That dramatic mind is just the workings of the survival mind. Don’t force yourself to endure or push yourself to exhaustion. Our meditation should serve to allow us to express ourselves more freely, not impede or exhaust us. When I put new strings on my guitar, if they are too loose, I can’t get any sound out of them, and if I wind them too tightly, they will snap and break. There is a middle ground of tuning where they sing, where I can express myself through them. Our practice and in fact our lives can be the same: not falling into the extreme of being lazy or too loose and not able to express our music like a limp string, but also not the extreme of pushing ourselves to the point that we deplete our joy and exhaust ourselves making the string so tight that it snaps. Our practice should nourish us, and although getting to the root of beliefs can often be tiresome in those practices, in the long run it nourishes us greater because we release baggage that we have unnecessarily been carrying with us for often a very long time.

Dr. Richard Davidson of the University of Wisconsin studies joy and happiness in relation to the brain. Davidson has studied the brains of monks who have spent their lives practicing meditation and positive emotions and has concluded that their happiness and joy is off the charts. This is not only a faculty reserved for monks living a monastic life, however. Davidson discovered that if any person sits quietly for a half an hour a day, meditating on compassion and kindness, that their brains will exhibit visible changes in just two weeks. Other studies have shown that people who are kind are more popular, have stronger immune systems and bodies, and are generally more successful at work. The benefits of a consistent practice are immense, and the key to a consistent practice is to bring joy to it.

Studies in neuroplasticity are proving that the brain is always being changed by the thoughts we think, the things we watch on TV or read, the people we interact with, the food we eat, and so on. We now have tools to direct that change in more positive and mindful ways, as opposed to the often unconscious change that takes place without our even being aware of it, like when we zone out and watch TV in a meditative state, allowing floods of psychological commercials to shape our brains.

Our joy resides within us, and we can train our minds to relate to it by simply becoming aware of it in everything we do. We can catch ourselves when we get caught in a dramatic or negative mind. Perhaps we are driving down the street and this happens. We can practice stopping and just becoming grateful for all we do have. We can just bring joy to the driving. Although this takes some training, especially in those who have such deep habits for negativity and drama, just realizing and seeing that we are in a negative mind state is the first step to directing it in a more positive direction.

Neuroscience is validating the amazing ability we have to change our brains and thus our lives for the better. We are living in exciting times.

The next time you sit down to practice your meditation, just reflect on that joy that is inside of you already. Even if you are in a bad mood, you can find it. Often a thought of a small child or face of a loved one is enough to allow it to arise. You can use these thoughts as points of meditation if you like, familiarizing yourself with the joy. Feel the love you have inside of you, and foster the habit of mind to readily go there. As you do this, you change the neural pathways of the brain that are carved out to go to negative, to ones that go to joy, love, and happiness. Now who wouldn’t want that?

This doesn’t mean that negative emotions do not arise. But as we change the habits, they do not linger for as long as they used to, because the brain now has a new habit: one that not only creates joy in our lives but in the lives of others. The mind of joy will strengthen your immune system, relieve massive amounts of unnecessary stress in your life, and create the conditions for more joy to show up in your life because what you focus on expands.

Joy and kindness go hand in hand. When you feel joyful you naturally extend kindness, and it works the other way too: being kind creates joy not only in the one we are being kind to but also in ourselves. If you get nothing else from this book, these two minds and actions will transform your life if you practice cultivating them: they are kindness and joy. Think about what that really means beyond the words. What does it mean to cultivate more joy and kindness in your life? How would your life be better if you were more able to tap into those infinite resources within you? How would it affect others in your life?

Here are a few suggestions for enforcing your habit for joy.

Create a list of five things that evoke that sense of joy in your life: It could be a child’s face or an ocean wave, spending time with a loved one, anything. We can use these as points of focus to shift the mind to the immense joy we hold within us.

We can also make a list of five things we do that bring us joy. It could be playing an instrument, swimming in the ocean, spending time with family, and so forth. For me, sitting and playing my guitar helps to evoke the joy within me when I am feeling low. We can use these as points of focus or engage in them when we feel blue to help strengthen the habit of joy in our minds. Remember there is nothing outside of you that can create your joy. You are simply using these to remind you of the joy you already have within you. In any moment we can bring to mind something that evokes that joy, and joy will arise. This is proof that it is not outside of you, but a force within, and all we need do is foster a stronger relationship with it by directing the mind.

 

 

The Power of Gratitude

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” ~Marcus Aurelius

Gratitude may be one of the most powerful creation tools in existence. It is so easy to get caught in the mundane stir of our hectic lives. And as we have learned in the previous blog, our brains are set up to absorb negative experiences and harp on the negative in our lives in an ignorant attempt to protect us. This primordial faculty of the brain makes it harder for us to appreciate what we have in life. Think of when you were going through a tough time and someone pointed out the good things in your life: you may have shrugged it off as not as important as the negative experience you were dealing with, or perhaps you just passively recognized it and then brought your full attention back to the negative experience. This is what most of us do in our daily lives. We have so much to be grateful for in our lives. And the fact is that by focusing on the positive in our lives we will attract more positive into our lives. Our entire world is a result of our thoughts, what we choose to focus on: so when we are grateful we open the gates for more opportunities to be grateful again. The great 13th-century German philosopher, mystic, and theologian Meister Eckhart told us, “If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.”

Gratitude is the open door to abundance. When we learn to appreciate the things we do have in our lives, we are inviting more of that into our lives. Conversely, the same is true for when we harp on the negative: we invite more negative into our lives. Put simply, we are meditating all the time. When we become angry, for example, we are masters of single-pointed meditation: nothing can take our minds from the experience or person who angered us. And thus, that meditation enforces the habit for anger and creates more opportunities for anger to arise in our lives. The same is true for all negativity in our lives. By allowing the power of gratitude to be a daily part of our lives we begin to shift our attention and change our lives dramatically.

There are many ways to cultivate the habit of gratitude and appreciation in our lives, a gratitude journal is a great way to do this. I found this a great way to shift my focus to one of gratitude. Every night before I went to bed I would write five things I was grateful for and just be with them for a moment. Sometimes I will just lie there before drifting off to sleep and think about what I am grateful for in my life. You will feel the higher vibrations of joy and gratitude well up within you when you practice this. We can do this all day long, training the mind to shift perspective from the negative poor-me mind that closes the door to the abundance we seek, to the grateful mind that opens the gate wide for positive opportunity to flow in.

A great habit to acquire is every morning just as you wake up tell yourself, “I love my life!” This invites the energy of gratitude, love, and joy into your day. Will you have bad days? Of course you will. Will you sometimes say this and it will seemed forced? Yes, it will. But the key is on those days to really bring to mind all you are grateful for. Just the fact that you woke up is amazing. A great number of people who were alive yesterday did not wake up today, and statistically more young people die per day then elders. You never know when it will be your last day, so appreciate this day. I don’t say this to scare you. I point it out to show you how fortunate we are simply to be alive and able to experience all the wonders that life has to offer. When you begin and end your day with appreciation, you foster that energy to grow in your life.

Gratitude is one of the highest vibrations of energy, up there with love and joy, so you will be attuning yourself with that high vibration of energy as opposed to the lower vibrations of negativity.

Gratitude is not just something to be reserved for the good things in your life. We can be grateful for tough times as well, knowing they are opportunities for us to learn and grow. Remember that good and bad are just perceptions of mind, and we can approach both with the attitude of gratitude. We learn from everything in our lives—our mistakes and seeming negative experiences—and so we can learn to appreciate the ups and downs. What you will find happening is that the more you use the power of gratitude, this positive mind will attract more positive people and situations into your life. It’s just the natural order of vibration: when you align yourself with lower vibrations of worry and negativity, you will attract more of it. And when you align yourself with the higher vibrations of gratitude and surrender, well, you see where we are going with this. Every day you have the choice to focus your mind on what you wish to experience today. You and you alone hold the awesome power to turn it all around, right at this very moment. Change your habits and truly become the conscious creator of your life.

The first step is to become mindful of what you are doing and thinking in each moment. Then shift your mind to gratitude. If you are having a difficult time feeling grateful in that moment, then try writing for five or ten minutes about the things and people you are grateful for. Try not to let your mind get hijacked and convinced by negativity. Just open your heart and mind and allow yourself to surrender to the flow of gratitude. The more you familiarize your mind with the habit of gratitude, the more you will naturally be grateful for everything in your life, and the natural flow of abundance will follow in all of its wonderful forms.

Gratitude is an abundant mind. One who has a mind of abundance truly does not need anything externally to fulfill them. I have recently been living my life in simplicity, in fact the most simple I have ever lived, yet I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life because I am grateful for all that I have. The irony is that the external things will just start to manifest naturally because as you become content and happy, you realize that you don’t really need anything. And the key to having everything is to not want anything. I am not saying external things are wrong to desire, but when you have the lack-infused mind of wanting, you only create more lack and want, because that is what you ignorantly focus on: the lack, the want. When you fill your mind with the joy of gratitude, you live as though you have all that you need. And all that you need will effortlessly show up in your life.

Check out “Small Steps to Giant Leaps” where this blog was drawn from.

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Retraining the Mind for Success: Why our minds are set up for negativity and how it affects our relationships

“If you knew how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” ~Peace Pilgrim

Why does it seem as if it takes more effort to cultivate positive mental states and habits then it does to cultivate negative ones? It seems as though negative habits and thoughts are effortless, whereas positive ones take effort and conscious awareness. This is because it does take more effort. Did you ever notice how our lovers, family members, or friends can do a thousand positive things, a thousand great acts toward us, but the one negative thing they do we harp on it as if that one negative thing negates the thousand. As soon as they do something we disapprove of we say, “How do I get them out of my life? That’s it! This relationship is over!”

The reason this happens is because the brain is primordially set up to absorb negative thinking and experiences. In fact, it believes that it is crucial to our survival to do so. Way back when we were cavemen and women and we were walking through the woods, we needed to remember the time that tiger lunged from the bushes and gashed our arm before we narrowly escaped with our lives, more than we needed to remember how beautiful that flower was that we passed. The brain’s survival instinct shields positive experiences so we can foster the negative in order to survive in the jungles that are our lives. You do live in the jungle don’t you? Well not most of us, in fact this primordial function of the brain is quite outdated, and in our modern world can be very destructive to not only ourselves but those around us as well. The brain is designed to protect the separate self, protection of the individual is key here in the primordial fight-or-flight system. The brain is an amazing organ when used properly. Yet, we must learn to become the masters of our brains lest we allow them to rule us with fears and anxieties and an outdated program that serves only to cause more pain in our lives.

In primordial times, the constant anxiety that welled up when we entered the woods would serve as a warning system for us to stay on guard. Yet, in our modern world we can be mindful of what we are doing and where we are. We don’t have to live in constant fear like wild animals. We don’t need incessant anxiety and worry to protect us. If we put our hands on a hot stove, and it burns us, we have enough intelligence not to do it again: we don’t need a constant anxiety about it and for it to dominate our brains unconsciously with fear—yet this is what happens. This is a simplistic example of what is going on all the time.

Fear has its place in our lives: we look both ways before we cross the street. But if that fear of getting hit by a car keeps us pinned to our bedroom walls and we never go out as a result, this can be unhealthy. We often lie in our beds completely safe from any harm, yet the brain keeps us locked in anxiety about something that might happen but isn’t happening now, and usually it’s something that never does happen. This ceaseless worry does not serve to help us in the situation at hand. In fact anxiety and worry lower our immune function and weaken muscle tissue, making us weaker and less capable of handling situations. Yet, the brain ignorantly believes it is protecting us by incessantly milling this in our minds.

Fear and negativity are just fantastic stories our minds create to try to protect us. Yet, the reality is that we are fine in this moment. As we sit here and read this, there is no danger, yet often, and perhaps right now, we may have fears and anxieties that take us from this present reality of perfection and peace. There is danger sometimes, but when we are mindful of each moment, we can easily divert danger as it comes, we don’t need to obsess over it.

The ancient Samurai knew this. They were the greatest warriors on the battlefield. In the midst of chaos, anger, and fear all around them on the battlefield, they were centered and clear, and thus the greatest warriors on the field. They trained their minds to do just that, and meditation was a staple for the Samurai as a means of training the mind. Ironically, the worry and fears and anxieties take us from the present moment, actually making us more prone to danger. A clear mind in the present moment is a strong mind and body ready to combat anything if need be.

We can learn to train our minds in positive thinking, the average human brain has anywhere from 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day, and of these thoughts about eighty percent are negative.

Again, we see this in our relationships: our mate can do a thousand positive things, but the one negative thing he or she does, we harp on it and brood over it as if that one negative thing negates the thousand positive. We suddenly search for ways to rid that person from our lives. This is a primordial fight-or-flight reaction, so recognize this when it comes up.

In traditional yoga, we learn positive thinking. We learn to cultivate positive minds. Observe your thoughts, observe your relationships, and see what your thoughts are about those relationships. Many times when we first get into relationships, we are blinded by the massive surge of serotonin that courses through the brain. Our partner can do no wrong. This is called the honeymoon phase. Soon things settle down and we start to notice things that annoy us, and often we don’t just notice them, but we brood over them. Soon we are looking at others, thinking how wonderful it would be to have a relationship with them. And so we leave our mates for another, and everything is great. They smell perfect. They say the right things. “Our soul mates!” we exclaim! But soon it happens again. After the honeymoon phase wares off, our primordial mind begins to shift to its eighty-percent negativity and starts creating all types of fantasies and stories of what’s wrong with the other person and how maybe, just maybe there is someone better who won’t have such negative aspects.

Well, I am here to say: turn the camera on yourself and observe those thoughts of the other. Try to shift to the twenty percent of positive thoughts, because what we focus on expands. And if we focus on the twenty percent of positive thoughts we have, we will begin to create a habit for positive thoughts and will foster the positive aspects in the ones who are close to us. This is not to say that some relationships just don’t work out for whatever reason. Yet, applying this method to all of our relationships will do wonders for our brains and create a more positive outlook and attitude. People will start to take notice, because you will be calmer, friendlier, and more joyful.

Make a list of twenty positive qualities of your lover, close friend, family member, or coworker—and when you find the mind slipping to the negative harping of the primordial brain, pull out the list. We can do this with ourselves as well. Often we get down on ourselves, sometimes treating ourselves worse than we would any other. As we have learned, we can stop and recognize these negative mind patterns, and in any moment shift to a more positive thought. We can pull out our sheets of our twenty good qualities and focus the mind on those. Remember we are what we think about, and our world is also a result of those thoughts. So we might as well think positive thoughts.

It is not easy to just stop worrying or being angry and so forth. It takes insight and training the mind in new thought patterns. Meditation is paramount in helping us retrain the habits of mind we currently have. In the basic forms of meditation, we become more mindful and settle the fight-or-flight monkey mind that dominates us most of the day. A simple breath meditation just five minutes a day can have profound effects on your health, both physically and mentally, and could be the start of new, empowering habits of mind.

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In any moment we can shift the focus on the good qualities about our self as well. We can choose to identify with the good, positive qualities of our self and others. This just needs to become a habit. So when you catch yourself focusing on the negative qualities, shift your focus. If you catch yourself, you will find that this is not that hard to do. So, like all things, we begin with recognizing that we are even doing it.

Feel free to leave questions, comments and stories of your own experiences below.

Opportunity in Everything, The Glass Half Full Attitude

 

I once heard the story that someone had asked a Geshe, which is a high level Buddhist monk, “Hey Geshela, how are you doing?” He answered with a smile, “I am doing wonderful, I have so many problems.” He wasn’t joking, he actually lives his life with this truth, that all of his seeming problems are opportunities to learn and grow and eventually develop empathy and help others. This is true in all aspects of life, and if you look at some of the most successful people in business, sports, or any arena, you would find a similar outlook.

There are no problems, only opportunities. What makes something a problem verses an opportunity is the mind that perceives it. Many people see everything as a problem in their lives; they are in the habit of seeing only problems and little or no opportunity, and so what follows are series of problems, because we are what we think about. Conversely, those who view a seeming problem as an opportunity are presented with only opportunities, and they grow and become wise accordingly. Sometimes at points in our lives this task is daunting: everything seems to be going wrong.

I can recall several times in my life when the world seemed to be closing in on me. In hindsight these were the times I learned and grew the most and were the times that set me on my path ever stronger. As the old saying goes, “A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.”

The point is that it is wise to adapt this mind set and habit of seeing everything as an opportunity to learn and grow. It not only empowers you to greater success in all you do, but also empowers you to help others if you choose to do so. The mind set of the problem seer is one of inept insecurity. It takes courage to see opportunity, and when you begin to shift your mind from one of “Poor me and all my problems” to “This is an opportunity to learn, bring it on!” your world begins to change. Less and less problems arise, and more and more opportunities are presented to create more abundance, love, and joy in your life, enabling you to give that back to the world.

What would you choose to give the world, problems or opportunities? All it takes is a shift in perception.

An excerpt from “Small Steps to Giant Leaps”

Proper Relaxation

To be calm is the highest achievement of the self. ~ Zen Proverb

 A tired body and mind are a breeding ground for delusion. Think of when you are tired: you become cranky, perhaps snap at people, irritate easily. Maybe you’re one to get whiney. Everyone reacts differently to the stress of exhaustion, but any current issue in our lives tends to become magnified and often very oppressive when we are tired. Life just isn’t as enjoyable as it is with a rested body and mind. In our culture, we find it difficult to be restful. We may lie on the couch all day, yet the mind is busy and full of work. We can sit all day at work and be exhausted by the mental pressures it places on us. There is a balance and harmony that needs to be met in life if we wish to operate at optimal performance. There must be a balance between action and inaction in both mind and body; inaction is an important element for action. The inaction makes for not only more fruitful actions but also gives us the ability to enjoy the actions more. Most successful people know the benefits of rest and recreation in the formula for success, true success, which is not only monetary. Some people gain massive success monetarily, yet are burnt out, have declining relationships and a general lack of joy and fulfillment in their lives. That does not sound like true success to me. We need balance, and proper relaxation is a key element that can bring it all together.

In yoga we learn savasana, which is Sanskrit for “corpse pose.” This is the asana where we lie on the floor and consciously relax the body between poses and at the end of our practice. Although this is the pose many people like because we are simply lying down, it is said to be the hardest pose to master. The reason being is that the goal is to be like a corpse, to detach from the mind and body so the mind and body can heal and rest. This pose also trains us to practice relaxing all day. We have such trouble relaxing that even when we are on vacation we often don’t know how to relax. We need to learn to get into that space of relaxation, that space of peace and rest. This is where some of the best ideas come from in business, writing, art, or whatever it is you may be doing in life.

Sounds easy enough, right? Well many people are thinking as they read this, I have no time to rest. Perhaps the demands of your life don’t permit time to just stop and relax often. Well, the good news is that we can practice relaxing all day. As I write this, I can write with joy and relaxation. I don’t need to be tense. Being tense is a habit, a fight-or-flight reactionary mind. Yet, we can change this destructive habit that only serves to bring stress to our lives.

Often I practice relaxing every time I sit down, be it on the subway, at a desk, or anyplace: I take five or ten seconds to bring my attention to my body and consciously relax it. I often find my shoulders are tense or jaw is clenched, and I didn’t even notice this.

We can go all day with shoulders or back tight and jaw clenched.

Try this right now for five seconds, go on I’ll wait…

Congratulations you just did a five-second meditation.

Did you notice any unnecessary tension in the face, brain, forehead, or shoulders? The more we bring awareness to this destructive habit, the more we relax and soon we will develop a new habit for relaxation. It is often good to have a suggestion, something that reminds us to relax. For example whenever I am in New York City and I get onto a subway and sit, I consciously relax my mind and body for a minute, and joy comes flooding in as a result. We must learn to be flexible and relaxed because a rigid and tense mind and body is one that breaks easily. It is a weakness, as opposed to a flexible mind and body, which bends in the wind like a piece of bamboo, strong and joyful.

Most religions and spiritual practices observe a day of rest, yet in our modern world these days of rest are not honored as they once were. I would advise a day of rest if possible: the benefits will be immense. You will find that there will be a vast difference in a day: one day you feel tired and defeated by the world, but when we take a day to rest, we become strong and ready to take on anything. The irony of working ourselves sick is that when one rests in between or takes a day of rest they are more likely to be successful in all areas of their lives and more effective at the tasks at hand, but we often ignorantly think we need to work, work, work—with no rest. There are countless success stories of people having their most lucrative ideas within a mandatory rest they have incorporated into their lives. One person in particular had told his family of his day of rest and would lock his door to the basement and was not allowed to be disturbed. He would rest his mind, watch a little TV, allow himself to be still, and as a result, he said most of his successes were bred from this time alone.

Like a beautiful composition of music, it’s the space between the notes as well as the notes that makes the music, or else it would just be one long sound, not very graceful. Our lives are often an ungraceful, long sound with no breaks. As we read earlier, even when we are sick, we have trouble resting. We worry, thinking, Should I call the doctor? Oh, I can’t believe I am sick! And so on and on we disturb our rest with thoughts like this, even getting angry at the fact that we are sick. When an animal gets sick it retreats into a safe place and does nothing but rest. The animal doesn’t take drugs to numb the pain and push through it. The animal doesn’t worry about it much. The animal simply rests, and consequently will heal much faster than us. The body and mind have an amazing ability to heal themselves, all we need do is relax and keep a peaceful mind. The grand design of all animals, including humans, comes with a built-in need to sleep. Nature shows us simply, yet we often are deprived of proper sleep or have such a habit for a busy mind and body that even in sleep we do not rest properly.

I have found that we are so habitually conditioned to do that even when we do take a day of intended rest, the mind wants to do: it wants to search the web, it incessantly wanders to what we should do. Recognize that this is a habit. Some good practices I have used during a day of rest is to take a hot bath, perhaps with some Epsom salts. I sometimes take some valerian root (an herbal supplement) or drink some chamomile tea to help retrain this incessant habit energy that finds difficulty in resting. Sometimes I just stay in bed and try to keep a peaceful mind. I eat good food and drink plenty of water. These provide a good meditation that heals the mind and body, and the benefits the next day are immense.

Create your daily hypnotic suggestion now for rest. You can use anything such as the following: “Every time I wash my hands, I take ten seconds to bring awareness to my body and mind and relax any tension.” The suggestion could be that anytime you see water or anytime you sit down, maybe every time you sit down at your desk at work, you bring awareness to the body and relax. We can even do this while driving. Often we tense up without noticing when driving, yet we can relax the body and mind. Often, if I just internally say, “Relax my brain,” a couple of times, it sends a signal to my entire body to relieve unnecessary tension. You can use a sticky note maybe on your bathroom mirror or at your desk at work that says, “Relax.” If you do use the sticky note, I would suggest moving it every couple of weeks, because as with everything in our lives we no longer see it after a short while.

Let’s now briefly look at the benefits and science of being more restful. Often you will see a statue of an enlightened being such as the Buddha, made of pure gold. The gold represents a state of complete rest, zero stress. Zero stress means impenetrable to disease. Stress is the largest culprit in creating sickness of mind and body, and relaxation can combat this. The Buddha said, “My dharma is the practice of non-practice.”

The autonomic nervous system (ANS), which regulates the functions of our internal organs, includes the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. The sympathetic nervous system (SNS) is the one that flares up in the fight-or-flight response when we feel threatened or excited, when we are chasing opportunities, or in emergencies and things of this nature. The parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) allows us to rest and digest. There is a healthy balance of the two in the body, yet in our culture we are more and more dominated by the SNS, and as a result have more stress than we should have. Again this is due to our habits: we are being trained and conditioned by our world to go-go-go, and often don’t even know how to relax if we wanted to. This wreaks havoc on our immune systems and degenerates our brains and bodies: the chemicals that are released in fight-or-flight responses and stress-induced states can be very destructive if not regulated by the PNS. In fight-or-flight responses, the hormonal system shuts down to conserve energy for the fight. We need not think about sex while fighting or when running from a tiger: our digestion shuts down as well. Again, we do not have to go to the bathroom in situations of emergency or fight or flight: this is why in extreme cases many go to the bathroom in their pants. When extremely scared, the digestion completely shuts down, and all comes out. In this state, blood is rushed to the legs for running, and in some cases this is helpful, as when evading a hungry tiger. But in our modern world, we turn on this system, and it never shuts off, leaving us with a huge rise in sexual dysfunction, digestion issues, and a myriad of other destructive immunity and mental health issues. Learning to stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system will bring calmness and joy to your life. You will become stronger in mind and body and overall healthier and more functional as a human being.

In many of the blogs here we have been exploring techniques to calm the mind and body and tap into the PNS. Learn what fits into your life, create a suggestion and a habit for rest. Simply taking a couple of deep diaphragmatic breaths can stimulate the PNS and counteract the SNS. We must learn to be the masters of our brains or else they will keep us stuck in a primordial fight-or-flight state, which is not joyful or beneficial to anyone.

The warrior is calm and peaceful and thus strong in body and mind.

 

An excerpt from “Small Steps to Giant Leaps”

A Constant in the World of Consistent Change

 There is a divine dance going on in the universe, and we are all part of the whole, each one of us a strand in the proverbial quilt of life. Things are constantly changing and moving, the constant ebbs and flows of life, birth and death, on many levels: the sun rises and moves across the sky, then sinks, giving rise to the moon.

In a previous blog (“Perceptions: How the Mind Separates the Whole”) we learned how our perceptions create our realities, but changing perceptions is more easily said or read than done. To reiterate, things exist, I am here writing this. Brian is sitting here, but everyone in this café where I write this is perceiving Brian differently. Even I perceive myself as different from all of them. The Brian they perceive to exist exists only because of the mind that perceives it to. You think, “Brian,” and then fix me as some unchanging thing, but Brian is just a result of others, constantly changing like a flowing river.

We tend to fix others and even ourselves in this static position, unchanging, but the truth is that everything is flowing and changing. Every bite of food or bit of information we ingest changes us, and we change it as well. Every person we come into contact with, our various environments, all change us and we change them as well.

This is powerful when we begin to understand this because when we change our perceptions, we change the world around us. Gandhi said, “Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as in being able to remake ourselves.”  Again, things exist even though at times I hear people talk of how everything is an illusion. Well, this is partially true: the illusion lies in the perception that things inherently exist. Yet they don’t exist the way our minds judge them to exist, based on our views of the past. That’s the illusion or delusion often: they simply just exist as parts of the whole.

As we learned in earlier blogs, because of these views we have from our past we often relate to a limited, fixed self. We even say in our language, “I am angry or I am sick.” Some other languages are set up a little better where they say, “I have anger,” or “I have sickness”, or “I have anger arising.” These expressions suggest more accurately what is really happening. The Hopi language is even more accurate: there are no nouns. In Hopi, for instance, there are no clouds, but “clouding”; no stream, but “streaming”; no anger, but “angering.” This is similar to the Sanskrit expression for “ego,” ahamkara, which means “I (aham) making (kara), ” one’s ongoing activity of sensing oneself as separate from all else. In each case nouns are expressed as verbs, as ongoing actions that are constantly changing and thus capable of evolution.

On the other hand, when we fix the passing emotion, allowing it to limit who we are, we limit ourselves and fix ourselves as being that. Yet, logic and science prove that everything is changing in every moment. This is truth. I couldn’t finish this sentence if it weren’t: we’d all sort of be frozen here in time.  Fundamentally if there were no change, nothing could happen.

Much change we perceive as good. I love to watch the waves change shape and crash on the shore, technology changes at a rapid rate and gives us many amazing advancements in science. We also perceive much change as not so good. Our bodies age and become old and break down, our relationships change, and we often lose those that we love. Eventually there’s death: everything we hold will be gone sooner than we think.

Change can be stressful whether we view it as good or bad. When we really look, each moment disappears the instant it arises. This can be stressful, especially to us human animals, who like habitual routine. Time goes by so quickly: as soon as something pleasant passes by the mind, it’s gone before we realize it. Anything that changes is not a reliable source for lasting contentment or fulfillment then, is it? How could it be, it’s fleeting.  So where can we find lasting contentment? Seemingly nowhere in this world, which can be tiresome and daunting because as soon as we seem to find contentment or happiness, it changes, and so what we grasp at slips through our fingers as quickly as it came.

All the masters have taught that underlying all that changes there is something that stays the same—beginningless and endless. This is the peaceful stillness that pervades us all. Lao Tzu reminded us that “to know harmony is to know the changeless; to know the changeless is to have insight.” This is what some have called God, the Source, ultimate reality, the Tao, Brahman, Now, the void and so on. The fact is that this is not something we can intellectualize. It can only be experienced, and meditation helps us to familiarize with this, so we can begin to live this in even the most chaotic of situations.

We don’t have to realize enlightenment in order to experience this; we can begin to realize it all around us every moment. The world and your body changes every second, but you can always bring your awareness to the stillness, the peace in each moment. Using the breath is a good way to do this. We can bring our awareness to the present moment, back to our breath whenever we feel we begin to slip away into chaotic thought or situations. We can do breath meditation to train the mind to be present and less distracted by chattering thoughts. In any moment, we can use that constant of stillness to realize our limitless potential.

We were just talking about perceptions: our perceptions lead us to react in certain ways. For example someone says something to us and our habit is to react with anger. We can practice stopping, and like all things the anger (or what the Hopi would call the “angering”) will pass (fade away like a “clouding”). Perhaps we go for a walk or use writing to allow it to flow through us, and in that space of stillness we can then create what we want skillfully in the situation. We can now begin to use wisdom (seeing clearly) as opposed to delusion to create our reality. We now begin to become conscious creators as opposed to reactive animals. Again, mindfulness is the key, and meditation helps to cultivate mindfulness.

Lao Tzu said, “If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold onto.” He also reminded us that, “contentment alone is enough. Indeed, the bliss of eternity can be found in your contentment.”

Everything is temporary. You can remind yourself of this when you are going through a hard time or when anger or jealousy or any other painful emotion arises. Know that it will arise and pass away, like all things do. There is no reason to grasp at it or engage in it, simply accept it and realize that it too will pass away. The proof that our nature is peace and joy is that when the delusions of anger and so forth pass by, we are left with peace.

Inertia is when you throw a ball up in the air, it pauses before it comes back down. That pause—the space between breaths, the space between thoughts—is the silence where creation takes place. Like a beautiful composition of music, it’s the space between the notes that creates the music. We can all learn to tap into this by simply learning to stop and breathe.

How we can use this space to create?

Here are some points on this powerful creation process:

When a situation arises causing a negative, reactive emotion, we practice stopping. (We can write or go for a walk, but do not engage the afflictive emotion or suppress it.)
Once the emotion moves away and we can come into that peaceful stillness, we can begin to insert what we wish to create. (We can substitute generosity for miserliness, compassion in place of hatred or confidence and trust in place of jealousy.) In this way we are now creating our reality consciously as opposed to having it created unconsciously, led by our delusions. We can now skillfully think, What do I wish the outcome to be? We can become conscious creators now within that space.
Watch our reality begin to reshape: be patient and persistent and you will see amazing results.

An excerpt from “Small Steps to Giant Leaps”

A Method for Insomnia

An excerpt from “Small Steps to Giant Leaps”

I have battled with insomnia since I was a child. Not being able to sleep is not a fun thing to experience, especially when you have something “important” to do the next day. Millions of people experience insomnia every night. Below is some helpful information that can be useful during a restless night.

By systematically relaxing your body from toes to brain, you more easily slip into a deep sleep. I recommend doing the yoga nidra body relaxation technique then the breath ratio of 4:2:7. (inhale 4 seconds, hold for 2 seconds, exhale for 7 seconds and repeat) Many times I don’t get to even four or five rounds before I am fast asleep. Yet sometimes if I can’t fall asleep I have found just lying in a restful state throughout the night is enough to allow me to feel good the next day. Many times if we can’t sleep, we turn on the T.V. or try to read or other do some other busy work. Yet just lying still, relaxing the body and breathing, we can access the regeneration of sleep even if we do not fall into a deep slumber. There has been stories of yogis who haven’t slept in 30 or more years, they meditate through the night and this allows them an even deeper state of healing. I remember one time in the not to distant past, I laid down to sleep as I had a very busy day and important stuff to do the next morning. And of course I couldn’t sleep, so the anxiety of “I can’t sleep” came into my solar plexus once I realized the day will begin in 6 or less hours. I relaxed my entire body and just breathed through the night. I finally fell asleep only getting one hour of sleep but I felt great the next day. I was on point as if I had slept for 8 hours. Because I didn’t get up and fuss about, or toss and turn in anxiety, I was able to rest the body and mind enough to ready it for the day ahead. This was also a reinforcement to me that even if I did not sleep I could access that state of healing throughout the night. This lessoned the anxiety of not being able to sleep and the irony is that you will usually fall asleep by staying restful.

Often with not being able to sleep, the fear of not being able to sleep is arising and we push it away as we think, I need to get to sleep and be up early tomorrow. This makes the emotional energy of fear more prevalent, and the option for sleep further away. We ignorantly think that by pushing the fear away we will sleep faster, yet that is why we can’t fall asleep: that feeling in our solar plexus or wherever it may be. The accepting and naming works well for this, as you lie there, accept the fear, the feelings that arise with this energy, and use what we have been practicing. It works very well here. Use all three of these methods to help you with this if need be. Make it your own and see what works best for you.

A Basic Explanation of Yoga Nidra

You can begin at the toes and feet if you like, simply saying internally, “Relax the toes and feet, my toes and feet are relaxing, my toes and feet are relaxed.” Move your way all the way up to the top of the head, systematically relaxing the entire body. You can then move onto the internal organs if you wish in the same way, “Relaxing the stomach, my stomach is relaxing, my stomach is completely relaxed.” Again, move through the organs until you get to the brain, and at this point, after you relax the brain, you will be in a deep state of relaxation. Try to bring your awareness to the area of focus and feel it relaxing as you send the message from your brain to that area by internally telling it to relax.

Guided Yoga Nidra (surrender) Meditation available as MP3 and CD:

 

A System of Calming the Body to Calm the Mind

There are many stages in mental development, but as soon as we are able to maintain the mind in a calm state, at that very moment there is joy and peace. This is reflected in the body becoming relaxed, and then the mind becomes more relaxed. As the mind calms down, the hidden enlightened qualities emerge more and more.

~ Venerable Khenpo Rinpoche

In the physical art of yoga, known as Hatha Yoga, we engage in asanas (Sanskrit for “poses”). There are various reasons for different asanas, but the main reason yogis do the physical practice of yoga is so they can sit for long periods of time in meditation. This is the goal of yoga. In yoga the meditation aspect is called Raja Yoga, the Royal Path. The goal is to achieve God union, to reunite with the natural peace and clarity that they call God. Some call this the source, heaven, the universe, and so on. Again, this is the all-pervasive peace, the truth of who we are, whatever you wish to label it, do so in that it resonates with you on the level of truth.

In yoga you are training the mind by first training its counterpart, the body. When the body is tight and inflexible, the mind is tight and inflexible, and vice versa. The body and mind are connected, and the breath is the intermediary, the bridge between mind and body.

Yoga nidra is a wonderful practice in yoga where you lie on the floor and are guided to complete relaxation of mind and body where you can easily come into that space of meditation. It’s a sort of hypnosis. After all, hypnosis is simply a method to get you into a subconscious meditative space, where you are open to suggestion and can access the deeper levels of habit in the unconscious. Yoga nidra means “yoga sleep,” but is sort of a misnomer, because you are not really sleeping. In fact, you are being guided into that space between waking and dreaming, the meditative space of healing where change can occur at deeper levels. In meditation, we are doing self-hypnosis at times, and this is wonderful because this is where we can access the deeper energies and begin to change them at the level of the subconscious mind.

What we are doing in this meditation is first relaxing the body, part by part. We start with the feet and move all the way up to the top of the head. We then move onto the internal organs, ending with the brain. And as we move through, we go deeper and deeper into meditation. This is a great method to guide you deep into meditation. Sometimes when you sit in meditation your mind and body are agitated. Combining this with some of the breathing ratios we have learned will help you to gain that middle ground of calm.

We are usually either in an agitated state of mind or a dull state of mind, so the breathing ratios are a wonderful way to balance this and get us to that steady state of mind. Likewise this method for calming the body will be helpful as well. Often we don’t even have to go through the entire body: a simple few seconds of scanning the body and seeing what is tight, then relaxing it, can help guide us into a deeper sense of wellbeing and thus help us in our meditations. This is also a great method to use for those with insomnia or trouble sleeping.

Try this guided yoga nidra meditation and see how you like it:

 

An excerpt from “Small Steps to Giant Leaps”