The Thought Process of Watching a Céline Show on Instagram

Playing Céline catch up?  Start here.  

Okay, here’s a nice quiet corner to stand and scroll. I think Céline just ended; let me see what the Internet has to say about THAT.

Scroll

Scroll

Scroll

What is going on in that room? Is that a multi-colored cube? Is that drapery over an architectural structure? Is that the inside of a parachute? Are we at Gymboree?

Scroll

Ooooh, there was lingerie. Look at those lingerie dresses! That’s two for Paris on the lingerie front next to Alexander Wang’s Balenciaga. What’s up with those red shoes? Are those boots or socks?

Looks like boots.

Scroll

Lingerie tops! With big white pants, I guess. Am I missing something? Why are all the comment emojis under these photos praise hands? This looks like every other Céline collection in the history of Phoebe Philo’s white sneakers.

Am I allowed to think that?

Wait a second.

Are we on vacation?

Scroll

Oh wait, what are those cocoon shoulders? On that white poplin dress? Is that poplin? There’s another one! Those buttons! The best part of being such a smart designer, I guess, is that you don’t have to attempt to tell a story. It tells itself.

Are we packing for vacation?

Let me search the hashtag. Everyone is posting the same look. Is that patent leather?

No.

Weird idea. Why does the hashtag take me to like, 47832 variations of different fake Dior and Chloé bags? Oooooh, look at those hoops.

Show me something different, Anna dello Russo!

Ah, there it is — the Vogue close up. It looks like some version of a plaid suit with what they’re calling “the new It bag.” How many times are we going to meet a new It bag before the powers that be call a spade a spade and acknowledge that no one wants an It bag. We want What? bags!

THERE IT IS. Those scoop-boat necks! That feels new. All hail the ballerina, right? Who doesn’t look good in a scoop-boat neck? The clavicle area of a woman’s body is universally flattering. And those ballet dresses? That looks easy. I want easy. I wonder if Phoebe Philo would ever make clothes for the ballet.

I don’t think I get it.

My vacation theory is flawed — how could one possibly pack that suit anyway?

Scroll

Omg. What in the good name of covering my person is that green jumpsuit? Do you see that green jumpsuit? Who’s Instagram photo is this?

Wait, where is that croissant from? Rose Bakery is open on Sundays?

All these pictures from the Emanuel Ungaro show keep coming in the way. It’s funny, you know, because I keep thinking they’re Céline, and tilting my head, and going, “Oh!” then reading the captions and thinking, “…oh.” Good designers get a special lens, don’t they? Like a carte blanche based solely on the virtue that because you expect the best from them, you kind of give into your own expectation. No? No?

Are those black lacquer hoops?

How am I supposed to determine whether or not that is actually a soft and feminine touch, Nina Garcia? I can’t see anything!

Is their shop open on Sundays?

Oh, Kendall Jenner wore such a cool dress to the Vogue party last night. Hmm.

Feature collage by Elizabeth Tamkin

The post The Thought Process of Watching a Céline Show on Instagram appeared first on Man Repeller.