Booksigning in NOLA--an apology

I've been wanting to blog about this since I got back from New Orleans Wednesday night but it was still too fresh and painful for me. After waiting five years to wrap up the series, the one night I was looking forward to the most was signing Shadowfever in NOLA on Monday. Dream come true kind of event. You know how when you anticipate something, you mentally project yourself into it and know just how it's going to go? I never once imagined the scenario that unfolded.

There we were in the beautiful Le Pavillon hotel with snacks and books and music and plenty of room to curl up and read. I planned to sign until midnight, hang out with you all, stroll around, try to pull an all nighter, then go right to the discussions.

Unfortunately on the flight down last Friday I sat with a group of people who were sick. They were throwing up and talking about having come back from some exotic country. I figured they had food poisoning and never gave it another thought. Until two hours before my signing Monday afternoon I began running a fever and started getting sick, too. I was flabbergasted. I was horrified. I sat on my bed and thought this can't be happening, I've been through a lot in the past few years but I just don't have the strength to get through eight hours of talking, signing and smiling while running out to throw up. I cried. Then I cleaned up and went to the signing and did my best.

It wasn't good enough. I only made it four hours. My wonderful team did everything they could to get me through it. I have very little memory of the event. I was running a fever and everything had the surreal quality of a dream.

But not dreamy enough that I don't remember the disappointment in your eyes. That's going to haunt me for a long time. After a few hours I knew I would barely be able to sign all the books so we had to get down to just a signature and no photos.

I have pictures in my mind of smiling faces that freeze, show a flash of total disappointment then quickly mask it.

You guys were amazing. You actually tried to make me feel better. And I was the one that let you down.

I was in bed by eighty-thirty Monday night, shivering, blankets over my head, sick as a dog. The next morning my doctor called in something to keep my stomach under control and I was able to do the discussions but not the way I'd hoped. I was supposed to fly back to Atlanta that night but had to delay my flight until I was well enough to travel.

I know how far many of you came to attend the event. I know how much time, effort and money you put into it. And I can't believe I got sick! I can't find a single gift in the lesson. Unless it's this: I sat there, looking at you and I saw the disappointment in your eyes—then you turned back to your friends and were happy and laughing again—and it drove home for me what the Moning Maniac events are all about.

In the beginning we came together because of love of the books. But Monday night I realized that while we still get together around the books it's not because of them, or me. It's because of the magic you've made with your friendships and shared adventures. I had one of those moments where the universe goes still and you see your place in it, and it's really very small, but a damn fine place to be.

I'm so sorry I wasn't able to last for the whole signing. To those of you that didn't get a full inscription and photos I can't apologize enough. I feel terrible! I hope to make it up to you somehow in the future.

Karen