What Kind of Leader Are You?

The average woman professional has 30-100 projects on her plate, is interrupted 7 times/hour, gets 147 emails per day, and faces change at work. All of that is on top of the difficult people she has to work with, her children, and the stress she causes herself with perfectionism. Is this you? Welcome to the New Normal! 

In the face of these challenges, many people go through their day in a mode that is Reactive. What does that look like? 

You might do the first item on your ‘to do’ list even if it’s not the most important one, just to feel you can tick something off the list. 
You might make knee jerk decisions. 
Or emotionally react and take things personally. 
Or do things so quickly you make mistakes. 
Or spin thinking about your to do list when you awaken in the middle of the night
Or finish one project and move right on to the next without celebrating. 

When you are on the reactive cycle you are just trying to survive the day and get through it. What you want is to shift from surviving under stress to Success under Stress. To do that you have to go through your day in Resilience mode. What does that look like?  A Resilient leader can:

Have the inner clam to take a step back and figure out priorities
Be poised, stay focused on facts, and not get caught up in interpersonal friction
Maintain realistic optimism and not jump to fear in the face of uncertainty
Make time to reflect on long term goals and not be tyrannized by the urgency of the ‘to do’ list

Who would you rather work for, a Reactive or a Resilient Leader? Who do You want to be, a Reactive or a Resilient Leader? 

From training thousands of people in organizations, I’ve found that about 70% of people are on the Reactive cycle and 30% on the Resilience cycle. Are you more reactive or more resilient? (Find out here.) 

The way to get on the Resilience cycle is to have more control. With every challenge you face, immediately sort out the 50% of the situation that you CAN control from the 50% of the situation that you can’t control. And then focus on what you CAN control. The Golden Rule of Resilience is Be Impeccable for your 50%! Be really effective at what you can control. 

There are always 3 things you can control. You can control: 

Your own Physiology
There are many ways you can practice to be calm and stay calm even though other people are reactive. Meditation, yoga, deep breathing all help to calm you down. And there are practical tools you can use to get calm in specific situations: You can learn how to get calm and turn off your thoughts so you can get back to sleep and sleep well through the night. You can use Cooling Breath to instantly calm from frustration when others drive you nuts. 

Your own Psychology
You have 60,000 thoughts a day so you have 60,000 opportunities a day to choose a thought that is reactive or one that is resilient. You can require yourself to stay focused on facts rather than allowing yourself to get pulled into taking things personally. Maintaining a mindset of realistic optimism will help you be an effective leader during times of change. 

Your own Problem Solving/Productivity
Even though other people interrupt you, you can always control your response to interruptions. And you can communicate with the people you work and live with to create more uninterrupted time to think.

Any one thing you do to have more control over your physiology, psychology, or problem solving will start to shift from being reactive to being resilient. 

It’s not about stress management, it’s about self management. And the more you manage yourself, the more you will be a Resilient leader. 71% of senior executives said that Resilience is a trait they look for in whom to promote and retain, so this will give you a competitive advantage. Be role model for resilience, so you can help your organization and your family be Resilient!

-Sharon Melnick, PhD, September 2015 Career Coach