3 Birthday Parties, No Drinking

The only thing I complain about more than the way other people sound while eating is the alarming consistency with which I drink.

“Why don’t you just not drink,” you are probably wondering. The most honest answer I can give is: life. Per the words of Drake — you know how that shit goes.

Life really came at me in early August when three very important people in my world were having their birthday parties during the same week. Womb exits are complicated; even more complicated is existing for 27+ years, so I understand the very real need to celebrate. However, their shindigs came at a time when I was trying to A) grow abs for a beach vacation and B) not feel eternally like shit. It’s here that I had the brilliant idea to not drink for all three parties.

Then Leandra suggested I write about it. This meant I actually had to not drink.

Crap.

Hadn’t counted on that.

Birthday Party Number 1: Monday, Aug. 10

Celebrant: College roommate

I was offered a drink immediately upon entrance. I was late and had missed the dinner so I politely declined libations in exchange for dessert. I was questioned only once about why I wasn’t drinking and answered with a cop-out: “It’s for a story.” Was otherwise left alone, possibly due to the fact that what I lacked in thirst, I made up for in cake.

Peer Pressure Level: Low

Drinks Consumed: Zero

Analysis: Fun, chill night. Woke up the next morning without a hangover and in time to go to the gym.

Birthday Party Number 2: Wednesday, Aug. 12

Celebrant: Current roommate

I went with every intention of not drinking but mild social anxiety got the better of me and I caved the moment a friend offered to buy my drink. The plot thickens: she ordered us both two at once due to the insane bar line and growing crowd.

Already feeling guilty for essentially ruining this story, I nursed my margarita for the remainder of the night. But! I stayed late despite 90% sobriety and left hours later, weirdly satisfied at the notion of only consuming one drink while still having fun. I think this is what they call moderation!

Peer Pressure Level: Moderate

Drinks Consumed: One margarita

Analysis: Technical fail, emotional progress

Birthday Party Number 3: Thursday, Aug. 13

Celebrant: Weekend Roommate

When I say “weekend roommate,” I mean she and I regularly hit the town together. If she drinks, I drink and vice versa. A healthy relationship if ever there was one. Upon arrival I was greeted with shots, which I declined, but there was no way to get through this without having at least ONE.

So that’s what I had. Heroic? Considering this crowd, kind of. It was an exercise in restraint and bravery in the face of well-meaning drink bullies.

My newfound limit was tested when the party moved to a different bar post-midnight. However, I ordered a beer and only drank half — slowly — which gave me something to do and moonlit as a microphone.

Peer Pressure Level: High

Drinks Consumed: One vodka soda, half a beer

Analysis: Could save a lot of money if I keep this up…

So what did I learn? I’m not a monk; I enjoy having a drink more than I “need” a drink, and after 27 years, I’d like to think I’ve earned it. But “a” is the operative word. One. It feels like a positive, doable compromise.

Am I growing up? Perhaps.

Or maybe I’m just tired of complaining.

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