Ask lunaKM – When My Dominant Calls Me Names, Does He Mean It?
When my dominant calls me slut, whore etc. Does he really mean it? I’m new to this and I have a hard time knowing whether or not he means this. Master and I are very young and he’s the only guy I’ve ever gone very far sexually with. I’m a good girl and none of my past boyfriends have ever done anything with me so it hurts a little bit when he calls me those names, not much or very often. Just a little, sometimes. only because it doesn’t make sense.
Hi there,
Whether your partner means what he says will only come to light if you ask him. There is a huge variety of verbal humiliation and the use of dirty talk that you probably aren’t aware of yet or you wouldn’t have asked this question. But first, talk with him about the words he’s using and how they make you feel. Get some insight into why he’s using them and when. It might answer this question for you. If this is something you don’t like, then don’t let him continue to do it. But please make sure to understand why he’s using dirty talk with you before then.
Now, the dirty talk and verbal humiliation are fetishes and activities in BDSM. Dirty talk is probably one you are more familiar with if you’ve seen any pornography. It’s just saying naughty things and turning yourself and your partner on. It can involve a lot of different things from raunchy words for each other’s genitals and the sexy things you are doing, or it can involve calling each other names like whore and slut or even bastard or prick. It’s all in an individual’s taste. Make sure you read my other posts about the types of naughty talk and how to talk dirty to get a better idea of what it can entail and pick up a copy of “Exhibitionism for the Shy” by Carol Queen.
Dirty talk can be considered a part of verbal humiliation but it has a different purpose. Humiliation is meant to make the person feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. Some people get turned on when they are uncomfortable or embarrassed so it’s a part of BDSM for that reason. It’s possible he’s using these names to make you feel uncomfortable because it’s part of what turns him on. Again, you’ll need to talk to him about all of this to know for sure.
I hope you get the clarity that you need.
Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!
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