The Third Oldest Profession

(Unreality TV at its finest)

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Good evening, everybody. I’m Duff Holstein, and welcome to tonight’s first Presidential primary debate, brought to you by American’s top cable news channel, A Bunch of Fair & Balanced Hot Women News.

Tonight, we’re coming to you live, direct from the Quicken Loans Arena in beautiful downtown Cleveland. Okay, downtown Cleveland. We are more or less glad to be here, just scant feet away from the Cuyahoga River, a river that once actually caught on fire....