Ask lunaKM- How to Ask for More Aftercare
I have experienced sub drop for the first time. I’ve felt down after play but never like this. My dom and I met on Fetlife, and I am his second sub- the other is his best friend. We all get on really well, and he is super attentive, but I still worry about being an inconvenience to their relationship, though they have both accepted me in.
I don’t know how to talk about my sub drop without taking up more of his time and becoming more trouble than I’m worth….Since the premise of our get together was based on sex, I don’t want to become a burden by demanding too much of his time outside the bedroom. What do i do? I feel like i need to say something about needing more contact after a session, but i just don’t know how to without coming across as needy.
Hi there,
Sub drop is hard, that’s true. You address a couple of issues in this message so I’m going to do my best to answer them both in this post.
First, asking for more of his time is absolutely necessary if you feel it will help you. He’s chosen to add you to his life so he’s responsible for taking care of you, especially if you are dropping from play with him. Don’t be afraid to ask him for some aftercare or contact after the session. It is not needy at all. It’s being a good submissive and play partner to make sure they know how things are for you. I’ve written a couple of times here about your responsibilities in and out of play and how to ask for aftercare. I suggest you take a look at them.
Far too many people and forums perpetuate the notion that submissives shouldn’t ask for anything and that they should be happy for whatever they get. That’s just not true. Take responsibility for yourself and if you need more attention after a play session then ask for it and make sure you get what you need.
I think the reason you feel like you are an inconvenience is that this poly relationship is new to you. Poly holds different meanings for different people but that doesn’t make you any less of a person or worthy of their time. Take some time as soon as you can to talk to them both and ask them about the situation as you see it and how they can both help you feel more a part of the relationship and less of an inconvenience. You are entitled to your feelings and being needy may seem inappropriate, but it never is wrong to have feelings that need addressing. Make sure you get what you need from this relationship.
Good luck.
Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!
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Research Page: Sub Drop
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Ask lunaKM – How To Ask for Attention
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Some of the Best Kept Secrets to Sub Drop Recovery
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