Keepin Things Real With This Deal!

Have to keep up with the redneck ways or you might end up in a daze. Hmmm, maybe reverse that.
Just Keepin' It Real Folks can tell the cat. Such a long winded name though. Anyway, away we go.

Want to kill your mother in law?
Do it without a flaw.
Shoot an armidillo's back,
The bullet will bounce and she'll you'll whack.

Kill bed bugs with ease.
They are worse than fleas.
Set your rental car on fire.
Warning, stay back or you may expire.

Need a neat pet?
A leech is a safe bet.
Let it suck your blood at night.
It will then grow large enough to fight.

Have no more beer?
No need to fear.
Just eat the glass bottle.
Hopefully the ambulance gets there full throttle.

Want to burn your house down?
Can easily then move across town.
Hide dog treats near a stove.
Dog will get them, poof, home a grove.

No need to spin a yarn,
If you want to get yourself a barn.
Steal one that's 100 years old.
That is pure gold.

Want to save on food?
Although it may be rude.
Feed the prison inmates trash.
You'll save money in a flash.

Never trust a GPS.
It can be good I guess.
But it told some to drive off a demolished bridge.
What next? Listening to your fridge?

How you know Google is rad?
Google, "how to escape after robbing a bank" at your pad.
I'm sure you will never get caught.
Pffft, yeah right. In jail you'll rot.

And in a reverse on number one.
Don't joke about a MIL a ton.
She'll hire a hitman to kill you.
Whoops, the hitman was really a cop, who knew?

Yep, each one has come to pass. Don't rednecks have such class? They may just be crazy people though. What do I know? Just keep their stupid mass away from me. I like to stay stupid free. Rather listen to that singing bass. Now I am done with my keepin it real little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.