Happy August! What to Wear This Week

The sun is shining, your skin might be bronzing and if you’re reading this, you, my friend, are alive. And you know what they (I) say, right? With life comes occasion to celebrate and with occasion to celebrate comes sequins! And carpet prints! Fringe! And silk! Jumpsuits and fur! Just Kidding! No fur! That’s fur sure. (Let’s pretend this never happened.)

So if you’re standing in front of your closet, scratching your head because it’s beautiful! And sunny! And hot outside — and you just want your outfit to reflect that, dammit, look no further than the list of cured beef options available for consumption listed above.

That was a test to ensure you’re reading. If you haven’t stopped short, I’m insulted, if you have, congratulations! You get an A! But I digress.

Start Tuesday with a sequin a la Natalie Joos. H&M (and for what it’s worth, Forever 21) has a fair share of the offering that are worth tapping into. Your pajama pants need not be printed but it’s preferable if they are. Do not guilt yourself into thinking that because it’s summer ye must show leg; sometimes we see only what we can’t look at if you know what I’m saying.

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Consider a fringe option for Wednesday because according to the national holiday list it is National Shake Your Body-Body Day. That’s not true, but who really decides on what gets to make it into that calendar anyway? I hereby knight myself.

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And because my gut tells me there is a 0% chance you have not accumulated at least one off the shoulder blouse, why not conduct a brief nuptial service to your high waist A-line jeans? Cool bag, too.

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Shit, there goes the week! If that won’t work, maybe a boiler suit will? I’ve been pushing these hard on you and me thinks with good reason. If you don’t get it now, I’m confident that soon, young buck, you will. And while pumps are cool, as Wednesday demonstrated, fringe is cooler.

I literally have no idea why I wrote that or how pumps and fringe correlate. Let’s pretend this didn’t happen, either. Here are some jumpsuits and flat sandals.

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Meanwhile the weekend rolls around and you’re just like, I’ve had it, so you make like Gloria Vanderbilt and wear a coat that errs-on-the-side-of-offensive. Then you remember it’s still 80, sunny and you’re cruising so you google “men of the 1970s,” come upon a roller skater in pretty perfect shorts and just like that, a new style icon is born.

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