The Parent Trap Queens

Today marks a milestone in our subconscious development: the release of the 1998 remake of The Parent Trap.

Take a moment to consider the influence this movie had on you. Do you find yourself craving Oreos with peanut butter? Have you ever tried crinkling a candy wrapper near the mouthpiece of your cell phone to fake poor connection? Do you occasionally daydream — yes, still — about reconnecting with your secret British twin?

Perhaps more than anything, this movie influenced your style. Think about the neck scarves! Shrunken oval sunglasses! Midi heels and button downs! And though you may not dress like Hallie or Annie, you’ve probably found yourself rooting for one twin over the other.

So to wish this flick a happy birthday — Lindsay Lohan and Lindsay Lohan, it’s all for you  — we present a royal display of our favorite Parent Trap lewks (Dennis Quaid, definitely into dad jeans because of yours) along with a bit of healthy does of sisterly sartorial competition.

And because everything goes better with a bit of music, Fetty Wap: take it away.

Round One 

Here, Hallie Parker proves that she can exhibit individuality while still confined to the narrow guidelines of a uniform. She gets three points for ordering a green silk bomber from the camp clothing catalogue. Bold.

Hallie, 3 pts. Annie: 0.

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Round Two 

Annie James, even though you confused the Wine Country for Texas, I love what you’ve done with Hallie’s wardrobe. Speaking French and dressing like John Wayne? Sounds like Saint Laurent, which earns you two points. You get two more for dealing with Cruella and not hitting it off with Sammy the dog. (I, too, am selective when it comes to pets). Four points total.

Hallie, 3 pts. Annie: 4 pts.

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Round Three 

Those shoulder pads make me want to ball my fists in excitement, too. London looks good on you. + 1 for Hallie.

Hallie, 4 pts. Annie: 4 pts.

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Round Four 

Annie, I’m beginning to think you were repressed prior to this role play adventure. With access to Hallie’s closet, you’ve jumpstarted the whole khakis thing and even gave yourself a slight camel toe with that amazing chain belt, analogous to those that swung on many a hip at Louis Vuitton F’15. Annie takes the lead with three more points.

Hallie, 4 pts. Annie: 7 pts.

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Round Five 

Big H is back in the Bay and honey, you never looked better. As any sister will tell you, put a lock on your closet door…Annie will snag that Bubble Yum frock along with your furry pink bag (Shrimps, is that you?) the second she gets a chance. Infinite points. But actually 6.

Hallie, 10 pts. Annie: 7 pts.

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Round Six

The twins take style cues from Wes Anderson too. Normally I’d give Annie shotgun because of her yellow Supergas, but remember: she borrowed those from Hallie’s Cali closet. And look at you Hal, feigning good behavior in that yellow gingham skirt and Peter Pan collar! Still, Dennis Quaid wins this round since he technically funded the Supergas.

Hallie, 10 pts. Annie: 7 pts. Dennis Quaid: 2.

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Round Seven  

Sister James was obviously behind this one — how much of her allowance did she blow to pay Hallie to wear matching Ralph Lauren shirts? Or maybe she took a more strategic approach and demonstrated the multifarious ways to wear a button down. Annie, two for you.

Hallie, 10 pts. Annie: 9 pts. Dennis Quaid: 2.

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Round Eight 

We love a good neck bandana and hate to play favorites, but yellow really is their color, so another fist pump for Hal. You’re good James, just not good enough. (Obviously kidding, I don’t even know which witch is which in this scene because Annie miraculously lost her accent after one summer).

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Assuming the yellow bandana points do go to Big H, we have a winner: Miss Hallie Parker.

Honorary Mentions 

Horn Girl!

Re-score as you see fit and assign your winner below!

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