Man Repeller’s Summer Playlist

We have been hearing some disturbing talk lately. Statements are being thrown around that I would go so far as to call evil, venomous and downright unacceptable. Which is why we’ve called this assembly and gathered you here today.

Now, I don’t want to keep you here any later on a Friday than you’re legally allowed to be — I have plans too, you know. Emails to check. Carrots to deep condition. But — for a website that prides itself in finding the humor in almost everything — this is serious.

The summer is not almost over.

I REPEAT: the summer is not almost over.

I won’t point fingers. I will not name names. I will not call your mom. But I do want this cockamamie bullhorn frogplop to stop immediately. Summer, for those of your classmates who appear to be either dead set on ruining things for everyone or — benefit of the doubt here — calendrically disinclined, does not end until September 23, at 4:21 a.m. in the year 2015.

Which means you have a shit-ton of days left.

Stop your bellyaching. Don’t turn it into the centerpiece of small chat. It’s your responsibility to get your friends on board. How?

Blast this playlist.

Lloyd-Dobler your boom box.

Crank the volume on your iPhone and hack a Solo cup.

Let this be a reminder to you all that summer lasts for as long as you loop the soundtrack.

(P.S. If you’re a grandma like Amelia, note: it doesn’t end at “Time of the Season”. You can scroll.)

Now post your favorite songs in the comments so we can add them in. Class dismissed.

Feature photo by Slim Aarons from Getty Images via Vanity Fair

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