If Someone Tells You to Lie, It’s Probably Bad Advice

This was a simpler time. A time before all eight-year-olds had cell phones and the young survived on old school gossip. The cool girls ruled the school and walked in a pack with Coach bags on their arms, colored rubber bands on their braces and the highest and tightest ponytails on their heads.

And then there was me — the tall sixth grader with a bad haircut who took Spanish as an elective, who didn’t spend after school hours playing M*A*S*H in hopes of marrying the football star and living in a mansion with our three kids and four toy Yorkies.

Then one day, during a quick trip to my locker before honors math, I found it: a note scribbled in cursive with hearts over the i’s inviting me to answer my home phone at 8 p.m. One look at the bubble letters and I knew who it was from. Intrigued, excited and nervous I stuck the note in my L.L. Bean backpack and went to class.

You know that one kid who was super popular, a P.E. god and smart? She was in my honors math class and somehow word of “the note” had spread to her by the time I reached my seat. She had insider information: she told me the phone call would involve a question, and that it was in my best interest to lie. She wouldn’t tell me what it was. Instead, she promised me a lifelong seat at the cool lunch table if I didn’t eff this up. (And if I styled my hair differently.)

My life was beginning to feel like a mystery novel. I was Nancy Drew, destined to solve the mystery of the Question That Would Force Me to Lie.

The second I got home from school I pulled my hair into the highest and tightest ponytail I could manage and waited patiently by the phone.

5:00 p.m.

6:00 p.m.

7:00 p.m.. 7:05 p.m., 7:29 p.m… 8:00 p.m.!!!

At 8:04 p.m., the phone rang. I lunged for the receiver like a hungry lion. It was her: The Queen of Middle School, ruler of my fate. I remembered what her henchwoman said about lying and tried to remain calm as I answered the phone with a casual, not too eager yet peppy hello. There was no “hi” in return; she didn’t even mention her name. Just, “Do you have a crush on Tim?”

Duh I had a crush on Tim!

“Ew, no, he’s gross. I’d never like him,” I lied.

It was a three way call. He was on the other line.

Photograph via W Magazine

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