Daily Dialogue: Mirror Addictions
Jasmine
I just wanna say thanks for helping me all these years.
Kelly
What? Don’t mention it. What’re friends for, right?
Jasmine
There are plenty of friends who wouldn’t help an addict. Fuck, I wouldn’t have helped me. I can’t tell you how much it means to me.
Kelly
Just stay clean. That’ll say enough for me.
Jasmine
You look good now.
Kelly
You’re just saying that because I helped save your life.
Jasmine
No, really. You look really good. You’ve lost so much weight.
Kelly
It’s been two months since we’ve seen each other last, so I probably look a lot different now.
Jasmine
Yeah, I didn’t wanna say anything when we hugged earlier, but I can finally make my fingers touch.
Kelly
I was thinking the same thing.
Jasmine
How’d you do it?
Kelly
Gave up sugar.
Jasmine
That’s it?
Kelly
Pretty much. I mean, sugar was a major part of my life for a long, long time.
Jasmine
Remember when I used to wake up to you drinking a syrup you made out of sugar and water?
Kelly
Yes. And I hoped you had forgotten that.
Jasmine
How could I? It was my sugar.
Kelly
I know, I know. I was a fat ass. Now, I’m a slightly-fat ass.
Jasmine
What made you quit?
Kelly
It became increasingly aware to me that I might not make it to 50, with all the sugar I was eating and the fact that diabetes has carved a large swath through my family tree.
Jasmine
Who’s left?
Kelly
My father. Dunno for how long, though. I don’t mean it so morbidly, but he’s old, y’know? And he’s got the beetus.
Jasmine
Did you quit all at once, or stretched it out?
Kelly
I don’t have the constitution or the fortitude to baby myself through any habit-kicking. I scorched the earth until it was coated in caramel.
Jasmine
Wow, that’s bold. What was that like?
Kelly
I cried. A lot.
Jasmine
Why?
Kelly
I LOVE candy and sugar. And I spent an embarrassing amount of money on them. I wasn’t just burning my addiction. I was making ashes the gross national product of a small nation.
Jasmine
It wasn’t that bad.
Kelly
It looked like it.
Jasmine
What was transitioning like? You lived a life with sugar and suddenly cut it out of your life. That must not’ve been an easy experience.
Kelly
No, not at all. Not one bit.
Jasmine
Did you get the D.T.’s?
Kelly
The what?
Jasmine
Delirium Tremens. The shakes.
Kelly
Oh. No, none of that. I just got REALLY sad for, like, two weeks.
Jasmine
Why?
Kelly
I didn’t know for a while, but I figured that it was because I wasn’t getting any dopamine.
Jasmine
Oh yeah, sugar’s phenomenal for that.
Kelly
I know, Jasmine. For two weeks, I was quite aware of that fact.
Jasmine
Were you suicidal?
Kelly
As close as you can get to it without reaching for the shotgun.
Jasmine
Wow.
Kelly
But it takes about two weeks for your brain to wire a new routine into itself, so I was better with Week Three. Then the pounds started rolling off.
Jasmine
That doesn’t happen unless your diet was mostly one thing.
Kelly
It fucking was, Jasmine. Looking back, I’m amazed they didn’t take my foot years ago.
Jasmine
And now, you can fit old shirts because I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you wear this one.
Kelly
It’s not old. It’s new. It’s all new.
Jasmine
What do you mean?
Kelly
I had to buy a new wardrobe because I couldn’t fit anything anymore.
Jasmine
Wow. Good job. Your wallet might not think so, though.
Kelly
The money I saved from buying junk food went to buying clothes, so it didn’t know better.
Jasmine
…how much junk did you buy?
Kelly
Don’t look at me like that. This all came from Goodwill.
Jasmine
Why not Salvation Army?
Kelly
They hate gays.
Jasmine
Ah.
Kelly
I shouldn’t have chucked away everything, though.
Jasmine
Why not?
Kelly
Because I know I’ll get fat again.
Jasmine
…what?
Kelly
I know I’ll probably crack and go back to sugar someday. So I’ll enjoy being skinnier for as long as it lasts.
Jasmine
Fuck you.
Kelly
Excuse me?
Jasmine
Fuck. You. Kelly.
Kelly
Where’s this coming from?
Jasmine
Are you serious? Are you fucking serious?
Kelly
Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?
Jasmine
Are you really that blind?
Kelly
I guess fucking so, since I don’t have a clue what the fuck your problem suddenly is.
Jasmine
I thought that with you kicking sugar, you were finding out what it was like with me and heroin.
Kelly
Heroin’s a little worse than sugar. Just a little.
Jasmine
That’s not the fucking point! You were just as addicted as I was. I thought you saw that.
Kelly
You’re just being overly dramatic.
Jasmine
No, I’m not, you heartless bitch!
Kelly
I think you need to relax.
Jasmine
You really don’t know what this means, do you?
Kelly
No, bitch. Enlighten me.
Jasmine
What you’re saying is that it’s ok to be strong against an addiction, for a little while.
Kelly
You’re putting fucking words in my mouth, that’s what you’re doing.
Jasmine
No, I’m just pointing out what I see. What you can’t see. We had this conversation once, but we were in different places.
Kelly
I think I’d remember telling you that you were a sugar addict.
Jasmine
Fuck, stop making this about fucking sugar!
Kelly
YOU’RE the one who said it was like heroin!
Jasmine
Four years ago. My birthday. Remember it?
Kelly
I’m surprised that you do.
Jasmine
I don’t. I only know about it because you told me. I was so wasted. It was after I relapsed.
Kelly
I know. I had to carry you to the tub because you shit yourself and was too far gone to even crawl. How is this like sugar?
Jasmine
Would you ever let that happen to you?
Kelly
Let what happen to me?
Jasmine
Would you ever want sugar so badly that you wouldn’t care if you shit yourself, as long as you got some?
Kelly
This isn’t about me.
Jasmine
Yes, it fucking is! Would you?!
