Ask Isaac: “Is it Really Because I’m a Virgin?”

I don’t care if you’re male or female, sex is scary as fuck.

Guys often feel self-imposed pressure to perform like a porn star because we watch too much porn. And despite society’s collective expectation that guys always want to have sex, most don’t actually know what to do if they get themselves into a situation where sex is about to happen and they’re not entirely sure if they’re ready.

As males, our sexual organs are on the outside of our bodies, so if we’re not in the zone, it’s obvious. “REAL men” are supposed to always be up for it, you know? So a lot of self esteem can be lost when our dicks don’t work. And by the way, the moment a guy starts obsessing about not being able to get it up, he’s absolutely not going to be able to get it up.

With all that in mind…

We don’t know what happened between your dude and his ex girlfriend, but he said he didn’t want to have a relationship for the rest of his college experience. It’s possible something semi-monumental must have gone down.

Next, you’re a virgin, and for some guys that could be a daunting thing to encounter. Maybe he was scared you’d fall in love? Maybe he worried you’d hate him afterwards? You literally never know, but there’s also the simple possibility that despite the fact that you were ready, he might not have been — and I must stress that has absolutely nothing to do with physical attraction — it’s all nerves and neuroses.

You said that he reacted badly to you saying you were a virgin — he couldn’t get it up. To me, a bad reaction would be him yelling, “Get out of my bed you loser!” Or maybe laughing in your face. Not being able to get it up is an unfortunate occurrence, but at least he wasn’t insensitive or a jerk about it, right?

It’s a hard spot for both of you (no pun intended), because you probably felt unattractive, and he probably felt emasculated. The last time it happened he kinda blamed it on the virginity thing, and that’s not cool, but he wasn’t cruel or harsh, right? He’s just an embarrassed young dude feeling like a sexual failure.

We don’t know what’s going on with this young man. Maybe his ex cheated on him, maybe someone else said he was bad in bed, maybe it goes even deeper. Maybe he does have anxiety about taking your virginity. (It’s important to note: there will be someone great and wonderful for you who won’t.)

The only way you’re going to know what actually happened is if you have an honest conversation with him.

If you’re old enough to have sex, you should be old enough to talk about it, too. Just ask him what’s going on. Who knows? He might just tell you.

Have your own question? Post your questions below or email write@manrepeller.com with ASK ISAAC in the subject line. Follow him on Instagram here, Twitter here, and check out his website here.

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